08 Oct 2010, 2:52 pm
08 Oct 2010, 2:52 pm
08 Oct 2010, 3:01 pm
08 Oct 2010, 3:03 pm
Celoneth wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Celoneth wrote:
Just because some people are shallow and looking for trophies or easy scores doesn't mean all are, nor does it mean that you should change yourself in order to attract someone who will only view you as an object - common sense would say that you should do the opposite.
Also, virginity has no value - beyond patriarchal societies where women are property and men want to ensure that their property bears their children - not some magical, mystical thing that is a precious gift to whoever. Experience makes sex better, that's a big reason why so many people regret their first time - because they are typically young, and don't know exactly what they're doing.
Also, virginity has no value - beyond patriarchal societies where women are property and men want to ensure that their property bears their children - not some magical, mystical thing that is a precious gift to whoever. Experience makes sex better, that's a big reason why so many people regret their first time - because they are typically young, and don't know exactly what they're doing.
Really? I wish I could agree with the first part of your post. Sadly, experience has taught me otherwise.
Umm...even if someone waited until they were older, they still wouldn't know what they were doing because they haven't had any experience yet. It's still the idea of "all theory, no practice." Besides, virginity does have value in my life. It means that Mom is happy with me and I'm not kicked out onto the streets. D:
Experience has taught me that it's better to be single than to be with a wo/man who treats me like crap.
Lack of experience is lack of experience regardless of age - sex one of the few areas of our life where inexperience is valued - it would seem stupid for people to want a taxi driver who's never driven a car before, or to hire someone with no experience in a field but when it comes to sex where technique and knowing what your body wants comes with time and experience - somehow having no knowledge of that is valued. And yes, traditional and fundamentalist people still value virginity (only in women of course), that doesn't give it inherent value but rather shows the outdated views of those that hold it to be a value.
True. It does get lonely though.
It's the whole "maintaining one's innocence" thing. By not submitting to sex, the person is seen to have more discipline and self-control, which are qualities society praises. I dunno. I don't even know if I'll like sex. Masturbating is no fun because I don't like the feeling of things down there so I'll probably dislike sex too. :/
08 Oct 2010, 3:06 pm
08 Oct 2010, 3:16 pm
Sparrowrose wrote:
Generally speaking, men get less shallow when they get older. And there are a lot of men who start out less shallow and are more interested in who you are than whether you're wearing the latest fashions and an inch of make-up.
If you do yourself up to attract the shallow men, that's who you'll be surrounded by. And that quiet, slightly shy guy over in the corner reading a book? The one who would be just perfect for you? Well, he's not going to bother to wade through the competition to approach "that girl who seems to care more about Manolos and Maybelline than anything of substance."
I'm a firm believer that if you "put your best foot forward" *as yourself, as who you really are* then the people who are attracted to your style (and I don't mean fashion - I mean the complete package of who you are as a person) will come around, interested. But you have to feel okay with who you are and not apologetic that you aren't who you aren't.
Plenty of overweight people have happy, loving, fulfilling, satisfying relationships. Look around. Plenty of stupid people are in relationships. Plenty of ugly people are in relationships. What do they all have in common? They're okay with who they are and not trying to be who they aren't and not feeling upset that they aren't who they aren't. They're just living their lives, loving each other, ordinary people with no one to impress and a life that makes them happy.
To me, that's the key. Focus on what makes you happy. Do you like to read? Then go to the library and get some more books. Do you like trainspotting? Park yourself on the hill near the roundhouse and bring a picnic lunch. Do you like to bake cookies? Fire up the oven! Pet a kitten. Go for a walk to enjoy the fall foliage. Watch a silly movie. Live your life for you. And enjoy it. And enjoy being you.
And eventually, if it's something you want, and if you stay open to it, and if you don't bash yourself and run yourself into the ground, and if people can tell that you're enjoying living your life, someone you find interesting and lovely will come along and ask if they can fly kites with you. Or talk about books with you. Or pet the kitten, too.
It has absolutely nothing to do with going on a diet.
If you do yourself up to attract the shallow men, that's who you'll be surrounded by. And that quiet, slightly shy guy over in the corner reading a book? The one who would be just perfect for you? Well, he's not going to bother to wade through the competition to approach "that girl who seems to care more about Manolos and Maybelline than anything of substance."
I'm a firm believer that if you "put your best foot forward" *as yourself, as who you really are* then the people who are attracted to your style (and I don't mean fashion - I mean the complete package of who you are as a person) will come around, interested. But you have to feel okay with who you are and not apologetic that you aren't who you aren't.
Plenty of overweight people have happy, loving, fulfilling, satisfying relationships. Look around. Plenty of stupid people are in relationships. Plenty of ugly people are in relationships. What do they all have in common? They're okay with who they are and not trying to be who they aren't and not feeling upset that they aren't who they aren't. They're just living their lives, loving each other, ordinary people with no one to impress and a life that makes them happy.
To me, that's the key. Focus on what makes you happy. Do you like to read? Then go to the library and get some more books. Do you like trainspotting? Park yourself on the hill near the roundhouse and bring a picnic lunch. Do you like to bake cookies? Fire up the oven! Pet a kitten. Go for a walk to enjoy the fall foliage. Watch a silly movie. Live your life for you. And enjoy it. And enjoy being you.
And eventually, if it's something you want, and if you stay open to it, and if you don't bash yourself and run yourself into the ground, and if people can tell that you're enjoying living your life, someone you find interesting and lovely will come along and ask if they can fly kites with you. Or talk about books with you. Or pet the kitten, too.
It has absolutely nothing to do with going on a diet.
I don't think there are guys "attracted to my style" at college. Such a shame too. Back in high school I thought that I would find my soulmate in college like I've heard happen so many times. It's been a huge let-down in that department. As of now, I don't know what makes me happy. I force the happy persona most of the time in order to get people to like me and to keep myself from having a meltdown. To be honest, I don't know how to not bash myself. I've been doing it for the past 11 or so years.
I know you're trying to help but I don't know how to apply your advice to my life.
08 Oct 2010, 3:19 pm
08 Oct 2010, 3:31 pm
RightGalaxy wrote:
Erisad wrote:
So...what you're saying is that I can either A) Pay for surgery to become attractive because men won't take a second look otherwise or B) Wait until I'm so old that I can't have fun anymore because it'll break my hip. Having a career can only provide so much satisfaction. Even if you're successful and rich, you'll be miserable since you won't have anyone to share it with. There's no point in having a big house with all these fancy things if you're the only one who enjoys it.
What I'm saying is go on a diet.
OR... people such as yourself could stop holding tightly to shallow ideas like this... one or the other could work pretty well.
08 Oct 2010, 3:34 pm
08 Oct 2010, 3:37 pm
hyperlexian wrote:
Sparrowrose wrote:
Generally speaking, men get less shallow when they get older. And there are a lot of men who start out less shallow and are more interested in who you are than whether you're wearing the latest fashions and an inch of make-up.
If you do yourself up to attract the shallow men, that's who you'll be surrounded by. And that quiet, slightly shy guy over in the corner reading a book? The one who would be just perfect for you? Well, he's not going to bother to wade through the competition to approach "that girl who seems to care more about Manolos and Maybelline than anything of substance."
I'm a firm believer that if you "put your best foot forward" *as yourself, as who you really are* then the people who are attracted to your style (and I don't mean fashion - I mean the complete package of who you are as a person) will come around, interested. But you have to feel okay with who you are and not apologetic that you aren't who you aren't.
Plenty of overweight people have happy, loving, fulfilling, satisfying relationships. Look around. Plenty of stupid people are in relationships. Plenty of ugly people are in relationships. What do they all have in common? They're okay with who they are and not trying to be who they aren't and not feeling upset that they aren't who they aren't. They're just living their lives, loving each other, ordinary people with no one to impress and a life that makes them happy.
To me, that's the key. Focus on what makes you happy. Do you like to read? Then go to the library and get some more books. Do you like trainspotting? Park yourself on the hill near the roundhouse and bring a picnic lunch. Do you like to bake cookies? Fire up the oven! Pet a kitten. Go for a walk to enjoy the fall foliage. Watch a silly movie. Live your life for you. And enjoy it. And enjoy being you.
And eventually, if it's something you want, and if you stay open to it, and if you don't bash yourself and run yourself into the ground, and if people can tell that you're enjoying living your life, someone you find interesting and lovely will come along and ask if they can fly kites with you. Or talk about books with you. Or pet the kitten, too.
It has absolutely nothing to do with going on a diet.
If you do yourself up to attract the shallow men, that's who you'll be surrounded by. And that quiet, slightly shy guy over in the corner reading a book? The one who would be just perfect for you? Well, he's not going to bother to wade through the competition to approach "that girl who seems to care more about Manolos and Maybelline than anything of substance."
I'm a firm believer that if you "put your best foot forward" *as yourself, as who you really are* then the people who are attracted to your style (and I don't mean fashion - I mean the complete package of who you are as a person) will come around, interested. But you have to feel okay with who you are and not apologetic that you aren't who you aren't.
Plenty of overweight people have happy, loving, fulfilling, satisfying relationships. Look around. Plenty of stupid people are in relationships. Plenty of ugly people are in relationships. What do they all have in common? They're okay with who they are and not trying to be who they aren't and not feeling upset that they aren't who they aren't. They're just living their lives, loving each other, ordinary people with no one to impress and a life that makes them happy.
To me, that's the key. Focus on what makes you happy. Do you like to read? Then go to the library and get some more books. Do you like trainspotting? Park yourself on the hill near the roundhouse and bring a picnic lunch. Do you like to bake cookies? Fire up the oven! Pet a kitten. Go for a walk to enjoy the fall foliage. Watch a silly movie. Live your life for you. And enjoy it. And enjoy being you.
And eventually, if it's something you want, and if you stay open to it, and if you don't bash yourself and run yourself into the ground, and if people can tell that you're enjoying living your life, someone you find interesting and lovely will come along and ask if they can fly kites with you. Or talk about books with you. Or pet the kitten, too.
It has absolutely nothing to do with going on a diet.
word. can i frame this?
You can. You'd have to print it out first.
08 Oct 2010, 3:40 pm
08 Oct 2010, 3:40 pm
08 Oct 2010, 3:51 pm
ToadOfSteel wrote:
Sparrowrose wrote:
To me, that's the key. Focus on what makes you happy. Do you like to read? Then go to the library and get some more books. Do you like trainspotting? Park yourself on the hill near the roundhouse and bring a picnic lunch. Do you like to bake cookies? Fire up the oven! Pet a kitten. Go for a walk to enjoy the fall foliage. Watch a silly movie. Live your life for you. And enjoy it. And enjoy being you.
And eventually, if it's something you want, and if you stay open to it, and if you don't bash yourself and run yourself into the ground, and if people can tell that you're enjoying living your life, someone you find interesting and lovely will come along and ask if they can fly kites with you. Or talk about books with you. Or pet the kitten, too.
And eventually, if it's something you want, and if you stay open to it, and if you don't bash yourself and run yourself into the ground, and if people can tell that you're enjoying living your life, someone you find interesting and lovely will come along and ask if they can fly kites with you. Or talk about books with you. Or pet the kitten, too.
I've tried that. I've dived headfirst into my artwork and computer tinkering. But as far as I'm concerned, those are just hobbies/occupations, and they don't provide the happiness I need in life.
The problem with me is that the loneliness is the direct primary cause of just about every negative feeling I have, for both myself and others. Other activities can provide temporary distractions, but only direct removal of the loneliness is going to fix me. I'm stuck in a world where people, both men and women, are just selfish robots bent on *take* *take* *TAKE* without any consideration for my well-being... I don't have anyone that i can freely share my soul with, because I can't trust anyone if they're just going to run off with it. As a result, i've become socially and spiritually starved, and I fear it's causing me to slowly lose my grip on my humanity.
Anyway, sorry for hijacking this. I guess what you ladies can take away from my example is that there are definitely men out there that are interested in women as more than just mere ornamentation (way more, in fact).
I've done that too. There are times where I just focus on my schoolwork and renaissance reenactment and not care about finding a significant other and the results were the same as when I'm actively looking.
For me it's a combo of insecurities, low self esteem and loneliness. I can't talk freely to people in real life about these issues. I can only do it online. If I start to talk about it, I'll break down and cry and I don't want to freak the other person out.
Well, your posts are in a similar direction as the OP was heading, you're just the opposite gender so I don't think it'll be a problem. >.>
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
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Posts: 33,323
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
08 Oct 2010, 4:19 pm
08 Oct 2010, 7:22 pm
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