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Men who wants to be the girl in the relationship

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Tequila
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22 Feb 2012, 11:43 am

nick007 wrote:
My 2nd gf was kinda a strong feminists & she certainly was NOT a vicious man-hating abusive crazie


There are some like that though. And I'm not saying that all feminists are like that, just that some use it to cover up their abusive/man-hating bitter tendencies. It's making sure you give the bad ones a wide berth.

I'm referring more to female supremacists rather than most feminists, though.



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22 Feb 2012, 12:33 pm

leviathans wrote:
Is there anybody else (guys or girls) who feels the same way as me?


No, it's the opposite for me in a relationship, I usually end up with the girl expecting me to lead and when they put their trust in me, they tend to end up feeling insecure and uncertain like in this conversation I'm having with my girl.

Quote:
napoleon_chick: Yes. I put a wall up with everyone, Even my father. Cause he wasn't around much, but now he's gone I regret it so bad. I should have let him and told him I loved him.
wolfheart6969: But you let me in.
napoleon_chick: I trust you. It's still scary to me tho.
wolfheart6969: I guess it is for everyone.
napoleon_chick: Falling in love is very scary. Cause you're so vunerable.
wolfheart6969: You think you've really fallen in love with me?
napoleon_chick: I'd die if I ever lost you.
wolfheart6969: So you have?
napoleon_chick: Yes
wolfheart6969: I don't know how to respond to that.
napoleon_chick: Have you?
napoleon_chick: Im sorry..
wolfheart6969: No, I mean it's fine, I asked..
napoleon_chick: I guess you're not in love with me.
wolfheart6969: Why do you say that?
napoleon_chick: Because you don't know what to say..
wolfheart6969: That doesn't mean I don't love you.
napoleon_chick: Just be honest with me Ryan. How do you feel.
wolfheart6969: You know how I feel.
napoleon_chick: Tell me.
wolfheart6969: I do feel love for you.
napoleon_chick: But you're not in love with me.
wolfheart6969: What do you mean?
napoleon_chick: There's a difference between being in love and just loving.
wolfheart6969: What's the difference?
napoleon_chick: Being in love is way deeper.
wolfheart6969: That's what I meant.
wolfheart6969: Don't let your doubts lead you.
napoleon_chick: I'm trying not to I'm just scared Ryan.
wolfheart6969: Of course I'm in love with you.


I can't understand what she expects me to say or do so sometimes as you described, I think it is better if I wasn't always the one to be emotionally in charge as I am, however most girls prefer the male to be emotionally in charge of the relationship, I don't seem to give a sense of security or faith yet they still expect me to lead, that's just how it is. A previous girlfriend even got to the point of being possessive because she didn't feel secure in me. Women expect me to lead in the relationship and it may be the same with you, I guess it's good you are being honest with yourself and seeking someone that will understand.



hyperlexian
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22 Feb 2012, 4:19 pm

it doesn't look like she wants you to lead, Wolfheart. it looks like she is uncertain of your feelings because... YOU are. you say one thing and then imply something else. she thinks that you don't love her like she loves you.


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Wolfheart
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23 Feb 2012, 3:54 am

hyperlexian wrote:
it doesn't look like she wants you to lead, Wolfheart. it looks like she is uncertain of your feelings because... YOU are. you say one thing and then imply something else. she thinks that you don't love her like she loves you.


Well I can't understand what she expects me to say in that situation, I tell her that I feel love for her and she always comes out and says that I'm not in love with her in one way or another, I have told her that I do feel love for her but she still becomes insecure and requires reassurance. She is a very loving person, she's an attractive brunette and definitely my type but sometimes I feel like she's insecure and expects me to lead the relationship in a certain direction, I don't know what she expects me to say or do in that situation.



The-Raven
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23 Feb 2012, 9:44 am

Wolfheart wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
it doesn't look like she wants you to lead, Wolfheart. it looks like she is uncertain of your feelings because... YOU are. you say one thing and then imply something else. she thinks that you don't love her like she loves you.


Well I can't understand what she expects me to say in that situation, I tell her that I feel love for her and she always comes out and says that I'm not in love with her in one way or another, I have told her that I do feel love for her but she still becomes insecure and requires reassurance. She is a very loving person, she's an attractive brunette and definitely my type but sometimes I feel like she's insecure and expects me to lead the relationship in a certain direction, I don't know what she expects me to say or do in that situation.

she expects you to sound more enthusiastic, you sound like shes asking if you would like teeth pulled. You sound hesitant and reticent and as if your only saying you love her to please her not because you mean it. Just try to sound more enthusiastic about your loving feelings (say it first sometimes or respond more quickly to her saying it)



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23 Feb 2012, 10:02 am

Err... if you're looking for girls who are willing to play the male role you're pretty much looking for the types of girls that you had in the movie Descent. I've met them before and back when I was very Disney-cute (albeit I hated it like hell - I had a different problem that I was macho on the inside, Mickey Mouse on the outside) it seemed like they were the most likely to be anything close to a match; yeah I had the doctor's daughter types sizing me up but their attention was just.....gross. I think its partly that certain girls, if they were going aim for guys more virile then themselves they'd have to go scouting prisons, and since they're at the upper end of alpha for female they've realized that Vin Diesel type guys are pretty rare, hard to come by, and probably quite temperamental to deal with if they were going to be dealing with a woman almost as strong as themselves.

Clearly though know your own nature and how well you can reason your way through people's temperaments though, as you'd be dealing with girls where - even if you're kind of a fighter I'm talking about girls who can fight as well if not better than most guys. Just be sure that she's level and confident, that you don't see passive aggression in her, that you don't cop that on her yourself, and things could be okay.


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Tequila
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23 Feb 2012, 10:09 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
and since they're at the upper end of alpha for female they've realized that Vin Diesel type guys are pretty rare, hard to come by, and probably quite temperamental to deal with if they were going to be dealing with a woman almost as strong as themselves.


That sort of relationship sounds like a recipe for disaster.



techstepgenr8tion
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23 Feb 2012, 10:14 am

Tequila wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
and since they're at the upper end of alpha for female they've realized that Vin Diesel type guys are pretty rare, hard to come by, and probably quite temperamental to deal with if they were going to be dealing with a woman almost as strong as themselves.


That sort of relationship sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Which is why they'll take porcelain-doll boys.


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hyperlexian
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23 Feb 2012, 1:32 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
it doesn't look like she wants you to lead, Wolfheart. it looks like she is uncertain of your feelings because... YOU are. you say one thing and then imply something else. she thinks that you don't love her like she loves you.


Well I can't understand what she expects me to say in that situation, I tell her that I feel love for her and she always comes out and says that I'm not in love with her in one way or another, I have told her that I do feel love for her but she still becomes insecure and requires reassurance. She is a very loving person, she's an attractive brunette and definitely my type but sometimes I feel like she's insecure and expects me to lead the relationship in a certain direction, I don't know what she expects me to say or do in that situation.

you don't come across like you have strong feelings for her (you didn't in the other transcipt you posted before either, dunno if it is the same girl). so i think she wants you to demonstrate how you care for her, just like she is doing for you.

i don't know if she is someone you interact with in real life, but assuming it is largely an online relationship, the only way she knows how you feel is the words you explicitly say to her when you are IMing. she can't read between the lines and assume you feel strongly; the limitations of the media put you in a position where you have to spell it out very clearly (and often).

but... do you actually love her as much as she loves you?


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Vigilans
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23 Feb 2012, 1:34 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
leviathans wrote:
I am bisexual guy. I just discovered my interest in men recently. I am happy to have discovered that I'm bisexual because there is one thing that has always made feel like I'll never be able to find a girlfriend.

The thing is that I'm very sensitive and emotional. I don't know if its asperger, but when I'm with somebody that I like, I start acting like a little child and I really like to act innocently. But that's not something that most girls find attractive. I always get crushes with guy/girls that are very caring with me. They tend to be older, strong, mature and have ambitions. I don't feel any attraction to the typical younger girl who has very few ambitions. The problem is that most girls wants a men who play the annoying courtship role. I'd much prefer to have the girl role. I'd love to have a girl who leads me, a girl who protects me, a girl who will let me cry on her shoulder. I feel strong insecurity with dating girls because of this. I'm always afraid that I'll never be able to find a girl who will like my sensitive/child-like side and will be okay with a more balanced or even reversed gender-role relationship.

Am I ever going to find a girlfriend? Is there anybody else (guys or girls) who feels the same way as me?

Btw, here's my Okcupid profile: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/leviathans
(My hair isn't that great, I need an haircut)

oh, my. there is a whole dating movement that is just about perfect for what you are seeking... the "cougars"... some older women like to be in control and seek out younger men to take care of. these women might be too old for you as they are often finished with the childraising that you might want to do eventually, but otherwise it seems like a good fit.


Its true- take her word for it ;) :P


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hyperlexian
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23 Feb 2012, 1:37 pm

Vigilans wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
leviathans wrote:
I am bisexual guy. I just discovered my interest in men recently. I am happy to have discovered that I'm bisexual because there is one thing that has always made feel like I'll never be able to find a girlfriend.

The thing is that I'm very sensitive and emotional. I don't know if its asperger, but when I'm with somebody that I like, I start acting like a little child and I really like to act innocently. But that's not something that most girls find attractive. I always get crushes with guy/girls that are very caring with me. They tend to be older, strong, mature and have ambitions. I don't feel any attraction to the typical younger girl who has very few ambitions. The problem is that most girls wants a men who play the annoying courtship role. I'd much prefer to have the girl role. I'd love to have a girl who leads me, a girl who protects me, a girl who will let me cry on her shoulder. I feel strong insecurity with dating girls because of this. I'm always afraid that I'll never be able to find a girl who will like my sensitive/child-like side and will be okay with a more balanced or even reversed gender-role relationship.

Am I ever going to find a girlfriend? Is there anybody else (guys or girls) who feels the same way as me?

Btw, here's my Okcupid profile: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/leviathans
(My hair isn't that great, I need an haircut)

oh, my. there is a whole dating movement that is just about perfect for what you are seeking... the "cougars"... some older women like to be in control and seek out younger men to take care of. these women might be too old for you as they are often finished with the childraising that you might want to do eventually, but otherwise it seems like a good fit.


Its true- take her word for it ;) :P

:lol:


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23 Feb 2012, 1:56 pm

Regardless of your sexuality, it sounds like you need to look for a partner who is a very caring, nurturing, dare I say "maternal" type. They're out there, lots of them.

Just don't come to use your inclinations as an excuse to lean on your partner 24/7 for things a person should (generally) be able to take care of for themselves, and you'll be fine.



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23 Feb 2012, 2:02 pm

justalouise wrote:
Regardless of your sexuality, it sounds like you need to look for a partner who is a very caring, nurturing, dare I say "maternal" type. They're out there, lots of them.


The only challenge with that - he may need to wear the whole hat and be 360 degrees of soft. I've met these types and it seems like if you have an edge on any angle they hit a brick wall and they get a bit of a "Oh.....your not who I thought you were....." type thing. If he's a big soft-rock fan or doesn't have a masculine bone in his body he might be able to make it work, if not - I hope for the best for him but, it may not work and he may be stuck out with the rest of the in-between crowd who's really out in the middle of nowhere between macho and feminine. That realm is where I've noticed even the best of guys can be utterly invisible; not even referring to myself but so many NT's I've known who were always dry on luck.


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23 Feb 2012, 2:25 pm

A lot of women thrive off wearing the pants.

There is someone out there for you.



mv
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23 Feb 2012, 2:27 pm

I'm having trouble understanding what is meant here by "being the girl in the relationship" or "taking on the girl role". Can someone please enlighten me?

I'm seeing a *lot* of broad (heh) stereotypes, but nothing definitive.



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23 Feb 2012, 2:28 pm

mv wrote:
I'm having trouble understanding what is meant here by "being the girl in the relationship" or "taking on the girl role". Can someone please enlighten me?

I'm seeing a *lot* of broad (heh) stereotypes, but nothing definitive.


A typical guy role is to be the provider, the strong one and the courter. To run the house and be the one that "protects" the other one.

That's all that is meant. It might be a stereotype, but that is what he means.