Haven't heard from gf in over 2 weeks.

Post Reply New Topic

OP is asking for help on how to deal with what he is going through/find a way to improve things and your comment isnt helpfull.

Im aware that you´ve had your issues with dating and all but that kind of post isnt welcome at this section and should probably remain at haven or something.

Taken from the TOS reminder(sticky at the top of this section that every member should totally check out)
"While we understand that many members here have had very frustrating dating (or non-dating) experiences, and that such experiences can lead them to make negative generalizations about the gender involved, Wrong Planet has rules that prohibit any remarks that can be deemed sexist or that make negative generalizations about all members of a gender"


As someone once nicely pointed me out "if you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all.". So either come back with a more appropriate response or just pretend this topic doesnt exist.

Relax Boo. I told her about this site so that she can find out a bit about AS from the right sources, rather than some other places that I would rather she not her information from. In fact, she was actually grateful that I did. She's internet savvy enough to search the internet for it and I'm confident that she can keep an open mind. I've also got nothing to hide.

Any person with normal level of curiosity would try to search and read every post you've posted on this site, especially on the L&D. You would give her room to overanalyze you and judge you based on past opinions/venting under certain mood, frustration moments and circumstances. It's not worth it.

Why not? He's fretting over a girl he hasn't heard from in two weeks. Reality check: she's not into him, and as is the case with most people, male or female, she is too much of a coward to be upfront with the other person. Instead she just avoids the person and hopes he gets the message and that the problem with magically solve itself. It's common, and it's something that hurt me a lot. I would get invested big time emotionally in a girl, only to have her throw my love back in my face and ignore me. And I learned that the best way to cope is to be blunt, and yank the band aid off. I just tell myself "forget her" and I go on living. I've learned to be happy with who I am and what I have, and i don't need anyone else to be happy. So if I find someone, that's great, but if I don't, nothing has changed. And frankly, I look at the time I wasted on girls, and think how i could have used that time to develop my art. Now no more. Any girl who comes along must learn that she will always be second to my work, and if she doesn't like it, she can take a ride!



I do not see where I generalized all women. Sure I used the old, shopworn "Plenty of fish in the sea," but is such a trite, old phrase really a generalization, or more a panacea based on actuality. There ARE plenty of women: billions of them. Law of large numbers says the OP will find one who is actually kind enough to keep in touch with him.

But on a person by person basis, any woman who thinks she's doing someone a favor by ignoring them, or is a psycho like in the video I posted...is a b***h, just like any guy who does that to a girl is a rank bastard. It's why I'm ALWAYS up front, because people deserve that at least, rather than to be ignored. People think that's polite, and letting the person off easy, but they're really just being cruel, lazy and selfish. Luckily for me, the girls who rejected me all wound up getting married to tools, and are living sad lives of utter conventionality. I thank god each day they spared me from sharing in such mediocrity. I have far more to accomplish, and I've only room in my life for people with the same ambition, who actually want to DO something in life aside from acquire possessions and crap out babies to perpetuate the species!



Congrats on taking advice from someone who gets their wisdom from a Disney movie. I prefer the enlightened philosophes and the existentialists myself....

She may not be into him as you say. However all you can do right now is pure speculation(Jono is free speculate that she may be telling the truth and you are free to speculate that he should move on).

Both sides have as many chances of being right but he is asking for help on how to deal with things and get her to talk to him about whats going on. Your post asking him to forget about her and insulting her isnt helpfull on this area.

I understand that you may have been through the same thing and thats why you are feeling this way. Thats why I pointed out the part of the tos regarding your own experience and bitterness. You are more than free to say: man I went through a similar thing and it turns out that she was trying to avoid me because she didnt want to reject me. However including insults to anyone that doesnt contact their partner in over two weeks(your post was based on pure speculation and she could be extremely busy/a failure at multi-tasking) isnt welcome.

Name calling every female that doesnt contact their partner in over two weeks is a generalization,because allow me to say this again you are speculating that every female that does this behaves the same way without considering that she may have valid reasons not to contact him again.



Im not denying that however at the moment she is a girl that op is trying to talk to(your entire post was based on speculation) and your suggesting that is a psycho isnt helping him on this issue

Fine you wanna play this the hard way I can do that as well.
As of now Im asking you as a moderator to avoid this thread until OP says you can come back.
Consider yourself warned and dont be surprised if theres a warning in your inbox if you reply to this thread again.

Forget I said anything. Understand I was only trying to offer my advice to the OP, as I've been in his place many times. Considering all the hurt I experienced, I was trying to offer an alternative coping strategy. Keeping on hoping the girl will write back just left me hating myself.

You wonder what you're doing wrong. Only when I began to acknowledge I had worth did I pull out of the spiral. Understanding that it's just women, not life and death, that I was in control of my life, changed everything, and I was trying to impart that philosophy on the OP.

I'm sorry she isn't keeping in contact. But how soon after you told her about WP that the contact seized or did it gradually taper off?

If it was evident that your relationship was becoming more serious it may have worried her and she feels safer keeping her distance. I was like this when very young and hurt and confused my BF because I didn't want leave myself so vulnerable.

I say just hang back, let her know your there. Time will tell whether she takes it serious or not.

That's what I've been trying to tell Boo. There has been no correlation. I actually told her about WP a few months ago already, when we had our second date, and there was no slowing down or stopping of the frequency of her e-mails. In fact, the last time I saw her, I actually asked her about it and she said that she just learnt a lot about asperger's from it.

The fact that she hasn't contacted me in the last two weeks just happened all of a sudden. Before that, when I was trying to arrange to visit her, she was actually quite eager and it was only then that she said we have to postpone any plans because of stuff that she's currently going through.

When I sent her that last e-mail on Monday to ask how she was doing, and because she hadn't contacted me, I unfortunately forgot to ask how her grandmother was doing, even though I am concerned about it. I've gotten advice from an NT friend of mine today that I should of asked about her and should probably send another e-mail.

Im sorry but if she wants to get in touch with you one message asking her if everything is ok is more than fine but anything else beyond that in a short period of time can be seen as too pushy.

For example Ive been exchanging messages with someone for over a year and whenever we have our disagreements/we are worried about drifting appart we only send one message because we know that the we care for each other a lot and we´ll make our best to reply to said pm asap.

Im just not sure if you being around someone that has to be contacted several times before you get a response would be benefitial for you, but you are probably have your own opinion on this subject.

Fair enough, I understand that. Although, I think that my friend's point was regarding me showing concern. Anyway, thanks for the advice.

I don't usually have a lot of advice about stuff like this...
But maybe try letting her know your worried and you just want to know if she's alright and maybe what's going on. And if she does not respond well I would question if she feels the same way about the relationship as you. I mean it understandable sometimes people just want to be alone and don't really want to talk to anyone for a while but two weeks with no contact whatsoever is a bit concerning In my opinion.

Both my sister and my my mom have now said that maybe I have to wait until things quiet down in her life before she replies. Contrary to the people here who thinks that her not contacting me means that she's lost interest or something, both of them have actually met her. She's just good at keeping in contact when she's busy with stuff. I think in between family issues, work related issues and her friends wedding, she's got a lot going on at the moment. I don't think she's even been checking her e-mails, so there's no point in sending any more after the one I sent on Monday, plus it would just end up looking a bit pushy. Since her friends wedding is probably this weekend, I think I'll probably only get a reply from her next week at the earliest but we'll see.

I wouldn't think she's blowing you off. From the sounds of it she's just busy and will reach back out to you when she feels ready. Lay off any pressure n let her contact you. What your mother and sister are saying sounds right. I've dealt with girls with erratic contact before n I learned to just relax. Now if a month and a half goes by after your last contact, I would suggest another contact.

Perhaps instead of having shutdowns, she has absentminded shutouts as a way of coping when she's stressed.
If you definately know she's going through something, then leave her be if you dont want her to run a mile at this stage. And her chatting online again, might be proof of the need for distraction, rather than actual interaction with others.

BUT I think Brian's comments are really important! Because someone else, said jsut to wait and see.

In my case, I'm been waiting and seeing for more than three months with a girl I was seeing who has Aspergers aswell, only to find out she's got a new crush. And I was pushy too because I didnt understand the nature of the shutdown at the time, and said that I would have appreciated a text simply saying 'i need space' rather than disappearing.

I dont know if this was my fault for being pushy, of if she shouldve sent a text; what are shutdowns like? are people capable of sending a text lettingpeople know theyre having one?

I really appreciate Brian's comments right now in my case, and I dont think people should wait indefinately without any contact or direction at all.

Yeah, even though it might not be applicable to this particular case, I totally understand where Brianrun is coming from. I don't think his posts should be dismissed.

I've been through situations like that when a girl I've been dating took weeks to respond to an e-mail. And then when I finally run into her in real life, she'll say soemthing like "Sorry, I was too busy to respond to you" I used to beat myself up to a bloody pulp thinking "what did I do wrong?" etc She was too busy to write a one line message that'll take 30 seconds tops? "Too busy" is usually code word for "I'm not interested in you anymore" and rather than say it up front, most women have the mistaken idea that simply running off and not responding is a "polite way" of letting you down, hoping you'll take the hint eventually.

I'm not blaming women. In fact, I used to blame MYSELF, and beat myself up, and tear myself down over things like this. I'm just saying that Brianrun's posts are more about preventing men from beating themselves up as opposed to being sexist at women.