So what kind of things should I talk about with Normal women

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Thank you, MrSinister. All too often Aspie guys say they want a "hottie". Really, the only way to accomplish that is to pass yourself off as an NT 'hot' guy. (Or if you happen to meet a hot ASpie girl.)
But the point is to find a 'soul pal' rather than some gal the NT guys will drool over. You have to lower your expectations. A girl can be 'nextdoor pretty' and interesting. I really regret that when I was in High School and College, I didn't pay much attention to the girls who weren't cuties. I went through 4 years of college and didn't have a girlfriend. One time I dated a girl, and really liked her. Finally, she admitted she was a heavily closeted lesbian. What I liked about her was her lack of 'girlyness' ! !! So that explained why she didn't wear hardly any make-up, or dresses, or get fancy hair-dos ! !!

Hmmn, every girl I've found that was into music the way I am, hated me for being the way I am with it, hated that they couldn't match me (no ego intended) and my knowledge in such a pursuit..

Surely some of need to find someone identical, but a lot of us are trying to get away from that in relation to another...

I don't find it hard to find a woman interesting, my problem is the things I find interesting can be a bit weird sometimes..

Also its funny how a lot of you mention little or flat emotions, I'm usually the more emotional one in a relationship, but in relation to drives, inspirations, goals, creativity etc.

I understand that it's possible to have AS and be at either extreme of emotional expression (either devoid of emotions, or overwhelmed by emotions). I think it's probably more significant to focus on the management and control of emotions. People with AS tend to have an immature ability to manage emotions compared to NT people (e.g. getting to a state of extreme anger much faster than a typical person). I've been told that I can frighten passengers in my car at times with sudden and unexpected anger expressed at other road users.

Definately true, so I am actually looking for a partner who isn't really interested in creating music at all, it gets too competetive and I hate constantly restraining myself, thats not comfort..

Someone who I can trust, who trusts me, with whom I can relax and play with, thats all I'm looking for..

Meaning someone who likes what I am, not what they want me to be.

Ask her: "Why is it you get prettier every time I see you?"

I still think talking to her about things you find totally boring isnt the way to go, you'll get aggravated and either have to force that annoyance inside or hurt her..

Anyway I told my gf everytime I saw her, that I was amazed and I'd forgotten how beautiful she was, but now I realise she has some serious problems because after a while it felt like if I didn't use a different word for beautiful every single time, she would get angry and tell me I was lieing..

meaning quite a few girls don't care if you think they're beautiful or not, others NEED to know, I guess its more simply being open about your interest in her, and finding out what she actually does enjoy.

I totally agree with this. Everyone is an individual and different, and you need to get to know someone on this basis. That's why asking good questions is so important when you first meet someone you find attractive, as this is one of the main ways to find out about the person and what they like and dislike, and whether you have anything in common.

It's not easy to talk with someone who's obssessed with their looks, media celebrities, and fashion. I guess that's why NT women find NT guys interesting:all the guy talks about is FOOTBALL. They exist in a relationship without any cross-over interests, except for showing each other off as trophies. You might think this harsh, but yuck-oh I just read about a New York Media Darling who's come out against cosmetic surgery addiction. Makes Me Want To Puke. Like this is somehow courageous? Like this is a REAL PROBLEM? NT women are a huge mystery to me, how can such shallow human beings exist?

Indeed. Most of the attractive women I've seen are, all too often, vapid airheads.



Ouch. I feel your pain, man. Far too acutely

Thanks, MrSinister ! !!

(I feel like I'm in a comic book typing this. To The Sinistermobile ! !! !)

I think what's interesting too is that we have to talk to prospective mates to get to know the person better, figure out the person's interests, etc., but once you two know each other pretty well, then you probably don't need to talk to each other too much. This would allow the two of you to work on your own interests and not get oversaturated with each other's presence.

Something that complicates this though, is that oftentimes the closer two people are, the more time they want to spend with each other. At least this is what happens in the NT world. For AS, on the other hand, spending a lot more time together results in a lot of space and boundary conflicts, potentially jeopardizing the relationship. So it makes me wonder what kind of person would be able to tolerate what we with AS are looking for. Somebody who understands that we need a lot of space, and therefore knows that we don't have to be around them all the time. Somebody who understands that we love them without having to say it all the time, etc. etc.. Just seems to be the opposite of what the person does when we try to get the person's attention in the first place.

lol i haven't read the rest of the posts yet...

but this is pretty much how i get dates

nerds FTW

I'm rather attracted to the solution that Woody Allen found in his relationship with Mia Farrow. They would live in separate apartments at either side of Central Park in New York. If either one fancied meeting the other to spend time together, then they would ring the other person up to see if they were interested. I think this arrangement would work well for an AS relationship. Possibly few NT people would be able to accept this kind of arrangement though.

Heh. My work here is done! (Of course, if it makes it any easier, just "Sinny" seems to work fine elsewhere ).

"Sinny"?? Never, you didn't spend years in the Sinister Corps to be called Sinny!!

Sir ! ! Yes Sir!!

Back on subject now: When I was dating, back in the Stone Age, I'd try to get find something intellectual that the woman was interested in, that I could share. Usually something about her belief system, that was a long time ago when people had belief systems, and try to talk about that. Anything to steer the conversation onto a topic I could talk about. You really do trend to attract the opposite, one woman I dated was really into Stock Car Racing, and my wife enjoys watching Football. Well, if nothing else works, ask her "Why am I more handsome every time you see me?" If she's blind, have the Seeing Eye dog woof once for yes, twice for no.

I think this depends on the Aspie, because my AS partner wants to spend every second of every day with me, and I used to feel very suffocated! However, I have always been one of his 'obsessions'.

If you're seeing someone you don't know very well, ask her about her interests but don't necessarily pretend to be interested in stuff like shoes! We girls can be as boring on the subject of shoes as any Aspie can be on an area of interest, and if a girl expects you to be interested in them to the same extent, she is probably an airhead!

If you ask about her interests and you find all of them mindlessly dull, and she isn't interested in string theory or whatever, it's probably pointless. With no common interests you won't get very far. I always found my partner interesting (years before I knew about AS) and now I'm enthusiastic about most of his hobbies (we spent sunday in a windy field with the Homemade Rocket Club... my NT friends thought I was mad!)

Remember, to keep a good flow of conversation going you must stop yourself from talking endlessly about your interests, and ask her questions too. If you're talking about your interests and she interrupts after a while, and tries to change the subject, it's time to stop talking! Don't try to go straight back to your subject. She's dropping a hint here-she will not come out and say 'enough, I'm bored with this subject'. Her hints will be subtle and you need to listen carefully. Same goes the other way too... if you want to change the subject when she is talking, do it gently & subtly.