Feel like I'm running out of options on OkCupid and Match

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rabbittss
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20 Jun 2012, 2:54 pm

Kinme wrote:
It's understandable, but it's still possible if you try. There's always Skype and other means of communication. If you're willing to deal with it, that is. Not everyone can do it. I'd done it for almost three years and it worked for me. The other person wasn't as willing, so it caused problems. Really depends on the circumstances and how each person deals with it.


Unless the technology has really changed.. you can't have physical or intimate contact over skype...



Kinme
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20 Jun 2012, 2:57 pm

rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
It's understandable, but it's still possible if you try. There's always Skype and other means of communication. If you're willing to deal with it, that is. Not everyone can do it. I'd done it for almost three years and it worked for me. The other person wasn't as willing, so it caused problems. Really depends on the circumstances and how each person deals with it.


Unless the technology has really changed.. you can't have physical or intimate contact over skype...


But, you can still maintain a connection and do things together. Especially if your common interests are games, movies, or things that involve technology. It's different when you're still not only visiting and seeing the person in real life, but also maintaining contact via texting, webchat/videochat, and so on. It still depends on the amount of time and energy you put into the relationship. That's why I go and visit the person WHENEVER I'm able to. If I have time off of college, I will go visit. Even if it's for a couple days, it's still worth the effort and money.



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20 Jun 2012, 2:59 pm

I've done long-distance and failed. The long-distance was a huge reason it ended. No amount of skyping and phone calls can make up for a complete lack of physical intimacy (I'm not even talking sex here but just being near another person). Visiting, depending on distance, can be difficult to arrange and expensive. I would never do it again. Ever.

But it obviously works for some people. I'd exhaust your local market though first. Long-distance makes everything complicated.



rabbittss
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20 Jun 2012, 3:02 pm

Kinme wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
It's understandable, but it's still possible if you try. There's always Skype and other means of communication. If you're willing to deal with it, that is. Not everyone can do it. I'd done it for almost three years and it worked for me. The other person wasn't as willing, so it caused problems. Really depends on the circumstances and how each person deals with it.


Unless the technology has really changed.. you can't have physical or intimate contact over skype...


But, you can still maintain a connection and do things together. Especially if your common interests are games, movies, or things that involve technology. It's different when you're still not only visiting and seeing the person in real life, but also maintaining contact via texting, webchat/videochat, and so on. It still depends on the amount of time and energy you put into the relationship. That's why I go and visit the person WHENEVER I'm able to. If I have time off of college, I will go visit. Even if it's for a couple days, it's still worth the effort and money.


I appreciate your positive, can-do attitude, but If i want to talk about my special interests.. I'll go talk to one of my male friends.. I'm looking for a woman to have a physical relationship with, if we have a ton of special interests in common, great, if we don't not that big of a deal. The key thing is she needs to be physically attractive and want to fool around with me a lot. not that she knows who directed such and such a film or who Alan Parson's was the sound engineer for..



Kinme
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20 Jun 2012, 3:04 pm

poppyfields wrote:
I've done long-distance and failed. The long-distance was a huge reason it ended. No amount of skyping and phone calls can make up for a complete lack of physical intimacy (I'm not even talking sex here but just being near another person). Visiting, depending on distance, can be difficult to arrange and expensive. I would never do it again. Ever.

But it obviously works for some people. I'd exhaust your local market though first. Long-distance makes everything complicated.


Lol. I won't talk about sex, since I'm still a virgin. Says you, Poppy. Not everyone feels the same way. It's worked for me, but not everyone can deal with it.

Are you aiming that comment at me, or just people in this thread? I never felt like it was at all complicated; I know what is required and I realize that it's going to be difficult every once in awhile.



Kinme
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20 Jun 2012, 3:06 pm

rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
It's understandable, but it's still possible if you try. There's always Skype and other means of communication. If you're willing to deal with it, that is. Not everyone can do it. I'd done it for almost three years and it worked for me. The other person wasn't as willing, so it caused problems. Really depends on the circumstances and how each person deals with it.


Unless the technology has really changed.. you can't have physical or intimate contact over skype...


But, you can still maintain a connection and do things together. Especially if your common interests are games, movies, or things that involve technology. It's different when you're still not only visiting and seeing the person in real life, but also maintaining contact via texting, webchat/videochat, and so on. It still depends on the amount of time and energy you put into the relationship. That's why I go and visit the person WHENEVER I'm able to. If I have time off of college, I will go visit. Even if it's for a couple days, it's still worth the effort and money.


I appreciate your positive, can-do attitude, but If i want to talk about my special interests.. I'll go talk to one of my male friends.. I'm looking for a woman to have a physical relationship with, if we have a ton of special interests in common, great, if we don't not that big of a deal. The key thing is she needs to be physically attractive and want to fool around with me a lot. not that she knows who directed such and such a film or who Alan Parson's was the sound engineer for..


And that's how we differ. I could never be in a relationship with someone who wanted only physical and we had nothing in common. I was looking for someone who I shared common interests with, as well as was attracted to (intelligent, interesting). I was looking for someone who could be my best friend AND lover. That's what I found, and that's why this long-distance relationship works for me. Not for everyone.



poppyfields
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20 Jun 2012, 3:06 pm

Not to you. Just a general thought.



Kinme
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20 Jun 2012, 3:07 pm

poppyfields wrote:
Not to you. Just a general thought.


Gotcha.



rabbittss
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20 Jun 2012, 3:10 pm

Kinme wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
It's understandable, but it's still possible if you try. There's always Skype and other means of communication. If you're willing to deal with it, that is. Not everyone can do it. I'd done it for almost three years and it worked for me. The other person wasn't as willing, so it caused problems. Really depends on the circumstances and how each person deals with it.


Unless the technology has really changed.. you can't have physical or intimate contact over skype...


But, you can still maintain a connection and do things together. Especially if your common interests are games, movies, or things that involve technology. It's different when you're still not only visiting and seeing the person in real life, but also maintaining contact via texting, webchat/videochat, and so on. It still depends on the amount of time and energy you put into the relationship. That's why I go and visit the person WHENEVER I'm able to. If I have time off of college, I will go visit. Even if it's for a couple days, it's still worth the effort and money.


I appreciate your positive, can-do attitude, but If i want to talk about my special interests.. I'll go talk to one of my male friends.. I'm looking for a woman to have a physical relationship with, if we have a ton of special interests in common, great, if we don't not that big of a deal. The key thing is she needs to be physically attractive and want to fool around with me a lot. not that she knows who directed such and such a film or who Alan Parson's was the sound engineer for..


And that's how we differ. I could never be in a relationship with someone who wanted only physical and we had nothing in common. I was looking for someone who I shared common interests with, as well as was attracted to (intelligent, interesting). I was looking for someone who could be my best friend AND lover. That's what I found, and that's why this long-distance relationship works for me. Not for everyone.


I mean sure, that is my ideal as well, but at this point I'd settle for just half of the ideal.. since I know other people who can fulfill the other part already.



Kinme
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20 Jun 2012, 3:11 pm

rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
It's understandable, but it's still possible if you try. There's always Skype and other means of communication. If you're willing to deal with it, that is. Not everyone can do it. I'd done it for almost three years and it worked for me. The other person wasn't as willing, so it caused problems. Really depends on the circumstances and how each person deals with it.


Unless the technology has really changed.. you can't have physical or intimate contact over skype...


But, you can still maintain a connection and do things together. Especially if your common interests are games, movies, or things that involve technology. It's different when you're still not only visiting and seeing the person in real life, but also maintaining contact via texting, webchat/videochat, and so on. It still depends on the amount of time and energy you put into the relationship. That's why I go and visit the person WHENEVER I'm able to. If I have time off of college, I will go visit. Even if it's for a couple days, it's still worth the effort and money.


I appreciate your positive, can-do attitude, but If i want to talk about my special interests.. I'll go talk to one of my male friends.. I'm looking for a woman to have a physical relationship with, if we have a ton of special interests in common, great, if we don't not that big of a deal. The key thing is she needs to be physically attractive and want to fool around with me a lot. not that she knows who directed such and such a film or who Alan Parson's was the sound engineer for..


And that's how we differ. I could never be in a relationship with someone who wanted only physical and we had nothing in common. I was looking for someone who I shared common interests with, as well as was attracted to (intelligent, interesting). I was looking for someone who could be my best friend AND lover. That's what I found, and that's why this long-distance relationship works for me. Not for everyone.


I mean sure, that is my ideal as well, but at this point I'd settle for just half of the ideal.. since I know other people who can fulfill the other part already.


I'm sure it will happen when you least expect it. I never expected it, and it ended up happening. Whether or not it's a long-distance relationship or in real life, love seems to be quite random.



rabbittss
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20 Jun 2012, 3:20 pm

Kinme wrote:

I'm sure it will happen when you least expect it. I never expected it, and it ended up happening. Whether or not it's a long-distance relationship or in real life, love seems to be quite random.


Again, I appreciate your positive attitude, but I don't expect it to ever happen, and to be honest, I plan to stop trying in another few years anyway. Once I reach 30, as far as I'm concerned, my "Good years" are over and it's all downhill from there. Nature, in it's felicity, decided not to have me be able to enjoy my youth, and I don't intend to be a middle aged man constantly seeking to re-ignite something that wasn't there. I also don't want to be Mathew Mconoheigh from Dazed & Confused..



Kinme
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20 Jun 2012, 3:28 pm

rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:

I'm sure it will happen when you least expect it. I never expected it, and it ended up happening. Whether or not it's a long-distance relationship or in real life, love seems to be quite random.


Again, I appreciate your positive attitude, but I don't expect it to ever happen, and to be honest, I plan to stop trying in another few years anyway. Once I reach 30, as far as I'm concerned, my "Good years" are over and it's all downhill from there. Nature, in it's felicity, decided not to have me be able to enjoy my youth, and I don't intend to be a middle aged man constantly seeking to re-ignite something that wasn't there. I also don't want to be Mathew Mconoheigh from Dazed & Confused..


Do you think I've always had a positive about maintaining relationships and friendships? If I don't keep myself believing things will go great, I will fall into a deep depression. I'd rather keep myself happy than have that happen again. It's been awhile since I've dealt with that kind of depression. Continue expecting it not to happen, and then it just might. Why focus on something that isn't happening and keep yourself unhappy? It isn't worth it. That's the only bad thing about coming onto this forum in WP. You're constantly reminded of this kinda crap. When I had issues with my previous relationship, reading a lot in this forum depressed the hell out of me, but helped me rationalize a little more. I began to feel better. Maybe it's just making you feel worse...? Have you ever thought that?



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20 Jun 2012, 3:41 pm

Kinme wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:

I'm sure it will happen when you least expect it. I never expected it, and it ended up happening. Whether or not it's a long-distance relationship or in real life, love seems to be quite random.


Again, I appreciate your positive attitude, but I don't expect it to ever happen, and to be honest, I plan to stop trying in another few years anyway. Once I reach 30, as far as I'm concerned, my "Good years" are over and it's all downhill from there. Nature, in it's felicity, decided not to have me be able to enjoy my youth, and I don't intend to be a middle aged man constantly seeking to re-ignite something that wasn't there. I also don't want to be Mathew Mconoheigh from Dazed & Confused..


Do you think I've always had a positive about maintaining relationships and friendships? If I don't keep myself believing things will go great, I will fall into a deep depression. I'd rather keep myself happy than have that happen again. It's been awhile since I've dealt with that kind of depression. Continue expecting it not to happen, and then it just might. Why focus on something that isn't happening and keep yourself unhappy? It isn't worth it. That's the only bad thing about coming onto this forum in WP. You're constantly reminded of this kinda crap. When I had issues with my previous relationship, reading a lot in this forum depressed the hell out of me, but helped me rationalize a little more. I began to feel better. Maybe it's just making you feel worse...? Have you ever thought that?


Nope, actually coming into this forum gives me a place to vent so I don't come across as bitter or angry all the time in real life. I don't believe in maintaining a positive attitude unless you have a reason to be positive. If everything in your life is negative, there is no reason to force yourself to be positive. Sure, you could say, well, at least I'm not a starving african child.. but that's wall papering over the cracks instead of fixing them.

I've actually become less morose, less bitter, and less angsty in real life as a result of having a place to put my problems into words. But I don't think this forum has the power to make me believe in the power of positive thinking. My reality is negative, therefore being positive is akin to being insane. Doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different outcome. I do things over and over, knowing the outcome, and then not being disappointed by it, since well, I knew that was going to happen anyway.

The only time I get depression, is at night, when I'm alone, or when I want to go do something, and have no one to go do it with. I don't go out to eat, I don't go to the movies, I don't go skating, bowling or to sporting events. I have no desire to go to these places alone, and I have no one to go with. I pretty much go to the grocery store, and home, if school is on, I go to class, then to the lobby and sit and wait on my next class. Hopefully once I can find a job, I can add that to the list also.



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20 Jun 2012, 4:11 pm

Glad it doesn't make you miserable. With how I am, I'd rather fake being happy for now.

I do pretty much the same crap over and over, too. Now, though, I don't have college, so I have literally nothing to do. I can sit at home, play video games, get on WP, talk to people, social networks... Socializing with people is practically impossible because they're all so self-centered that I don't want to be around the majority of them anyway. The two people I want to be around live an hour and a half away from me, so I can't exactly hangout with them. Let's just say that I can empathize with your situation really well.



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21 Jun 2012, 12:36 am

rabbittss wrote:
I don't go out to eat, I don't go to the movies, I don't go skating, bowling or to sporting events. I have no desire to go to these places alone, and I have no one to go with. I pretty much go to the grocery store, and home, if school is on, I go to class, then to the lobby and sit and wait on my next class. Hopefully once I can find a job, I can add that to the list also.


Those events you mentioned are more suited towards groups that are already acquainted with each other or couples that are engaged in a relationship. Try finding activities for single people such as something towards a specific interest, that would be your best bet. Another thing you could try is working in a charity shop or a hostel if you have any nearby, a hostel can be a good way to meet foreign girls and be tour or party guide for them.



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21 Jun 2012, 2:43 am

rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Kinme wrote:
It's understandable, but it's still possible if you try. There's always Skype and other means of communication. If you're willing to deal with it, that is. Not everyone can do it. I'd done it for almost three years and it worked for me. The other person wasn't as willing, so it caused problems. Really depends on the circumstances and how each person deals with it.


Unless the technology has really changed.. you can't have physical or intimate contact over skype...


But, you can still maintain a connection and do things together. Especially if your common interests are games, movies, or things that involve technology. It's different when you're still not only visiting and seeing the person in real life, but also maintaining contact via texting, webchat/videochat, and so on. It still depends on the amount of time and energy you put into the relationship. That's why I go and visit the person WHENEVER I'm able to. If I have time off of college, I will go visit. Even if it's for a couple days, it's still worth the effort and money.


I appreciate your positive, can-do attitude, but If i want to talk about my special interests.. I'll go talk to one of my male friends.. I'm looking for a woman to have a physical relationship with, if we have a ton of special interests in common, great, if we don't not that big of a deal. The key thing is she needs to be physically attractive and want to fool around with me a lot. not that she knows who directed such and such a film or who Alan Parson's was the sound engineer for..


Someone who you only do physical stuff with is a fuck-buddy, not a romantic partner.


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