Why are men so intimidated by smart women?

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That's your problem.

Wanna a breakthrough solution? Just ask out guys who are smarter than you, things will NEVER work with regular guys since you have this mentality (they will feel inferior at the end of the day and things would be screwed, and yes they will be intimated), try to seek through Mensa channels.

Men looking for one nights stands are intimated by smart women. Men looking to control and manipulate women are intimidated by smart women. Men who want a subservient wife they can boss around are intimidated by smart women. That may be a large chunk of the men on this planet but if I was a woman I wouldn't put up with any of them.

Last edited by Iloveshoujoai on 27 Oct 2012, 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Agreed. Not many are offput by brains, but many are by people trying to be in control

I meant by that statement, that I want to feel in control over my life rather than be in control of others. Other people have every right to their own decisions. I would never try to control another person because that is just wrong. I don't ever try to put people down for the sake of feeling better about myself. That would be bullying. I don't ever flat out tell people that they wrong, and I especially wouldn't do that to a partner. My dad does this to my mom all the time and I can't stand it.

I'm guessing that the guys who seem interested in me recently are only interested in some sort of game/one night stands. I just don't want to be manipulated. My mom always told me that guys who left did so because they were intimidated. I never was really sure the reason why. I don't believe that ALL men are like this, but it seems like quite a few are. I think my original issue of being unable to get dates was because I was shy. Now, I don't have an issue talking to guys, but am afraid of closeness because the last time I was an anything like a relationship, it didn't work out, and I lost one of my best friends to it. I'll never get that friendship back and I still hate myself for it sometimes.

Sorry I sounded so nasty guys. I just reread my post, and I sounded like a real b***h. I typed in up while I was really angry about failing to replace a friendship that I lost over dating. Everyone told me how much potential there was, as so I thought too. I don't think I'll ever be able to have that connection with someone again because I messed up real bad. I've tried dating other guys since, but that connection just isn't there, and I'm getting frustrated by it. Maybe some things can't be replaced, because I've tried for so long now unsuccessfully. I'm just making lame excuses. If only I could see my old friend again and apologize for whatever happened. I would never expect him to be my friend again, but at least I would know what actually happened.

They aren't, really. They are more intimidated by beautiful women.

It's fine, we all have those days.

Generally, men are not intimidated by women that are beautiful, intelligent, successful, talented, or wealthy; but by women that seem to behave as if their beauty, intelligence, success, talent, or wealth makes them superior to any man who would try to date them. If some people have a superior quality, that does not necessarily make them superior people; it just makes them a more highly-valued commodity on the dating market.

It may not be so much that a man is put off by superior intelligence, but by the attitude of overall superiority that many intelligent woman seem to express. Remember those cheerleaders from high school who would not ever bother to stoop so low as to acknowledge a boy who was not at least as good-looking and popular as they were? They seemed to believe that their beauty made them superior to us lesser mortals, and that we were there solely to admire them (from a distance, of course). It seems to work the same way with many intelligent women: I remember trying to get a date with some female graduate students (mostly liberal-arts majors -- there were few women going for engineering degrees back then) only to be rebuked for not having the "right" degree. I guess that having a BSEE and working on my MSEE simple weren't good enough for them ... or maybe they were just holding out for some medical student to carry them away ...

Yes, intelligence is a fine thing; but without humility, she may as well be brainless.

Fnord hit the nail on the head. I love smart women, as long as they don't bandy about like they're the Queen of Sheba.

I only know one guy who prefers dumb women, and he dates with the expressed intention of cheating.

Like fnord said, it makes you come out wrong to people.

Guys interested in a one night thing have that interest for everyone. its how they can find someone willing to participate. Its not that theyre intimidated. They just didnt find what they were looking for. And the closeness thing, that can be a real deal killer for many men and women.

Its ok, i dont think anyone took offence to your post.

Heh... it reminds me of a MAD TV episode I just caught last night... a guy who's on a blind date with a schoolteacher who then begins correcting him at every turn, emasculating him down to a little boy, eventually treating the whole restaurant like a classroom and going home with the teacher's pet instead.

They'll usually argue with me more about stuff.

EXACTLY!

I sometimes wonder if such women aren't really looking for an intelligence-based Dom-Sub relationship.

In my experience, people don't hate smart women.

Rather the situation can go various ways.

E.g. Lots of smart women unknowingly are condescending (especially if you're aspie too, it makes it seem that way - even if you're not)
And lots of them also need to be in control. In an attempt to be in control, they will criticize, change and generally attempt to make perfect everything around them (including people).

Lots of men want to feel good about themselves, and for many of them, they do this by ego and especially by being right (I think you can see how this would be a problem )
And lots of guys want to be in control. It's much harder to control, manipulate or otherwise use psychological tactics on a smart woman, as she is more likely to call him on his crap and refuse to let him get away with it.

Just because someone is smart, does not guarantee them other important positive traits necessarily, like kindness, empathy, open-mindedness or confidence.
In fact, many smart people don't have those traits and also tend to overlook how important they can be, because they would rather focus on what they have rather than what they don't.

If a guy starts using psychological tactics on you and you call him out on it in a calm and mature manner, he may have a bit of a hissy fit, but he will respect you for it later, knowing he can't decieve you or get away with crap if he is a fairly balanced individual. But some guys can't even take their motives or behaviour being questioned in that way if their ego is too big and will simply go and find a woman who will put up with in, who they can use those types of tactics to control her with.

And - as someone was in a similar position to you - it's best if you don't mention that you're in college now earlier than you should be when meeting others. Give them time to get to know you first before letting them know about that. Otherwise they will judge and sterotype you by that alone since so many use initals impressions and stick to them like glue. It's easier that way, but it also allows them to get to know you as a person, rather than just being labelled "the smart one" again.

In summary, it's not intellence in itself (although sometimes that be intimidating due to gender roles), but it's usually the combination of traits the person has with it, their attitude to themselves and others, and what others motives are and how they choose to respond to the person in question.

Eloquent.

I admire your thinking.

i LOVE intelligence...i am more attracted to brains than looks..... i dont have a particular type of look i go for...but brains are MANDATORY