Do people really believe that confidence, social skills,...

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They're among the factors, but looks help a lot as well. Poor social skills, low confidence etc. are most of the reasons why most aspie men remain virgins until their late 20's. Plenty of ugly guys have attractive girlfriends because they're popular, always invited to the best parties, know all the night club owners and all that.

I can imagine you looking like half Twinkie, half man. Hahahahaha! :p I'd seriously wear Twinkies as protective gear.

but his health was starting to deteriorate before his first marriage, he wasn't on wheelchair yet but his health was still far from perfect, why else he was holding this stick?

No, but without these, you may as well live in a cave, far away from anyone else.


It's both, in addition to what you have.

Appearance, Behavior, Cash -- the ABCs of dating.

well let's put it this way. Having bad hygiene, a negative attitude, and not having a sense of humour is going to make you unattractive to the majority of people. why? Because most people don't like being around negative people.



Having good hygiene, a positive attitude and a great sense of humour isn't going to make you instantly attractive to all women but they are definitely good traits to have. You will find that more people will gravitate towards you if you have these traits.

Yes that's true, but he was far from what he looks like today both in looks and bank balance - I think that was the point?

I've never said she married him for bank account, I've just mentioned intelligence.

Looks for guys are not that big of a deal but seriously the better you feel about yourself the more you like taking care of yourself.

Also not sure if this is what confidence is called but since I have a good plan for school and work figured out I am for the first time feeling really freaking good about my future and I must walk around showing it. I think it has to be helping I was standing in line at target pharmacy for my asthma medication and this attractive girl just kept looking at me and me at her then when she got her meds she just walked by me and we just stared at each other. I am sure had she talked to me I would have forgotten how to talk but PROGRESS!

What happens if people believed there was no such thing as confidence and just did what they wanted to?

I mean, what is this confidence, is it a chemical in the blood, a liquid, or an absence of adrenalin, what. Or is just a product of our labelling. Or an excuse. And - could it be relabelled?

Steven Hawking was still quite attractive when he was in his 20's though, when he studied at Oxford. That was when his first wife, Jane, had met him.

It's a chemical in the brain. Dopamine. All the things that people advise to build confidence, such as exercise, are things that upregulate dopamine production or the expression of dopamine receptors.

Exercise is touted here as a confidence builder based on the premise that it makes you more attractive. And it invariably does since even if you don't build muscles with it, it still improves health and health is inherently attractive. But it is doing more than making you look good to others. It also changes your brain chemistry by making your brain more active with dopamine. That gives the feeling we call confidence even if you are by yourself.

Exercise is just one example. Anything that boosts dopamine will boost confidence. Sometimes this is bad- for example with cocaine which boosts confidence temporarily by boosting dopamine temporarily.

^ Sorry, I don't agree with that, and that hasn't been scientifically proven to be the case. Dopamine is supposed to be a neurotransmitter - now, surely that means it's a vehicle, but not confidence in itself. If there are no vehicles, then of course confidence will be affected.

Surely our perceptions and thought patterns create the perceived 'confidence' in the first place, yet require a chemical transport system to get the body to react very quickly (hence panic attacks, etc)

A bit like - you have fear of something - the fear is felt, and a chemical (adrenaline and eventually a suppressant - its name escapes me)

All this 'everything is genetic' and 'everything is a chemical' is a bit dangerous really. I'm not saying that your post says that directly, and I'm not saying that chemicals aren't useful, but they cannot be the whole story.

Another example? You feel confident playing piano on stage, in front of thousands. All of a sudden, you're doing this and there's a change of plan - you have to sing in front of them (ok, strip naked if that scares you more). Naturally, there's a massive change in mood. Are you telling me someone's sucked your dopamine away? How can this be so?

I've read once that atheists have the lowest dopamine levels.

I take adderall sometimes which is a dopamine Agonist (Floods your brain with dopamine) and I feel very confident & invincible sometimes.

that doesn't mean that it is a part of reality though.

ive been much more successful with love & dating when I'm not taking adderall. This is just my experience so far though.

My friend's husband to me: Hi, how are you, you look great!

Me: aww thanks, how are you?

My friend's husband: Great. You really look good though. More than usual.

Me: haha, yeah, I've just come from exercising, that's why.



Endorphins produced by exercise make you feel good AND look better than usual. you sort of glow and stuff.

I miss exercise...waaa.. this virus can go and ... itself

http://www.wikihow.com/Increase-Dopamine

1- Eating Almonds, avocados, bananas, low-fat dairy, meat and poulty, lima beans, sesame. Check.

2- Eating fruits and vegs. Check

3- Eating Junk food. Not Check, I cheat sometimes.

4- Exercising. Check, I go to gym at least 3 times a week.

5- Plenty of sleep. Not check, I am a batman.

6- Reach a new goal. hmmm...there's a new goal but I have to work more on it and feel it. Not so check I say.

7- Supplements. Not check.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 17 Oct 2013, 12:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.