SectorStar wrote:
So first off, in no way am I saying that if you have a kid that makes you untouchable or a bad person or anything. I'm just simply making this post as a matter of venting I guess and seeing what other peoples' opinions are on the matter. Last year about this time a girl randomly messaged on Plenty of Fish. To this day shes been like one of 3 people to ever so such a thing and about only one out of 4 people I've met in real life as a result of that site. We hung out for most of the day but after that we kinda lost touch because her cell was disconnected shortly later. She gave me her house phone to call while she was with her parents, but at the time I wasn't off work till 10:30 at night which meant it was near 11 PM when I got home and I didn't think her parents would appreciate the phone ringing at that hour. She had brought her kid that time but he was barely a year old so mostly all he did was sleep the whole time and I barely knew he was there. I got back in touch with her this Sept and we started hanging out a lot more. I doubt it'll turn into anything dating wise, I think part of why she invited me over so much is because she just wants a friend or someone to talk too, and I'm lucky to even have a girl acknowledge my existence in real life after they know that I'm autistic so I guess I'm not complaining. Anyways, her kid is now a couple months short of turning 2, obviously a big difference between how he is now with when I first hung out with her.
Her baby daddy has never been in the picture, she got married to someone else then divorced less than 2 years later, it was actually a few months before I first hung out with her. The way I see it, at that point when the kid wasn't even one then he probably didn't have enough sense of awareness to be attached to anyone else but her, and now that she lives alone in her appt and can't drive he seems to have what I call this really unhealthy attachment to her. Since I've been over there so often he refers to me by name and wants me to play with him and stuff, but if hes cranky or in a bad mood its nearly unbearable to be around there. If he notices shes gone or not there he'll throw a nuclear meltdown bad enough to where if hes in a mood she can't even go to the bathroom by herself for less than 45 seconds without him about ready to nearly kick the bathroom door down or rip it off its hinges. She still breast feeds him, granted I'm no expert in raising kids so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about here, but to me that almost seems a little old to still be doing that at nearly 2 years, and the major problem is they sleep in the same bed together. So the problem is he won't go to bed unless shes laying there with him and he can't just go to sleep either, he'll have to keep switching sides every 10 seconds. It can take us 3 hours to watch an hour and half long movie when shes trying to put him to bed, and if he wakes up during that time its back to step 1, because he won't just fall back asleep. If she doesn't get a handle on some of these things now I think the kid is gonna turn into even more of a monster.
She tells me quite often that I'm like the only person that can be alone with him and he won't flip out much. Sometimes she could step outside her appt to go take the trash out to her dumpster or do her laundry and he'd be ok with me with a movie on or playing toys with him, but if he was in a mood he'd just throw a screaming tantrum by the door and keep trying to get it open. He's not strong enough to pull the front door open as its a heavy door, but he knows that the locks have something to do with making it open, so its only a matter of time till hes able to open it and at that point I think the only thing stopping him would be to physically restrain him away from the door....
Last week she got a job, mind you she hasn't had one since before she got pregnant. He has to be in day care while shes gone for 8 hours and thats probably the longest hes had to be away with her. I hadn't seen her for a week and 2 days (mind you I was seeing her like 4 days a week or more prior to this). Needless to say his unhealthy attachment to her is like 10 times worse now because now if she goes somewhere he thinks that she'll be gone for hours now. I went there to see her after not being over there for that long and I cannot believe after only a short time how much more of a monster this kid is now. Hes picked up on all these bad things/habits from the other kids (mostly the "mine" thing) and now if she steps out of her appt for 3 mins or so to do thing things I mentioned earlier its just an instant screaming tantrum the entire time till she comes back. She tells me to just try to distract him with a toy or something, which prior to all this may have worked, but now he just throws it on the ground and goes right back to the door screaming and trying get the door open. I actually went home that night after all his screaming and everything with a migraine bad enough to where I had to take pills and I never take pills unless I really have too so that tells you something.....
Again, I don't know if this girl is dating material or not, she tells me I'm her best friend, but has never led me to believe she'd want anymore then that. I'm used to it because I've gone practically my whole life with no romance other then a few brief moments here and there throughout my life. But her kid right now is enough of a deterrent that I've actually resented going over there to see her now because as much as I miss her, I'd rather not have to deal with her kid and his screaming and everything. Hanging with her as often as I have has really opened my eyes about having kids, and I can tell you right now that I'm in no rush to have any, and sadly may not want any at all. Because if I can barely handle someone else entrusting me to watch their kid for 5 mins, what am I supposed to do when its my own? I'm at an age right now where finding a girl close to my age is a rare gem, and I think in my city its even worse because most of the population it seems got pregnant right after high school and had multiple kids before they even turned 21 so at times I feel like I'm doomed because I'd rather find someone that doesn't have a kid, but that seems very few and far here.
http://happybachelors.wordpress.com/2010/07/28/the-rough-guide-to-single-moms/
23 Dec 2013, 1:25 pm
