Has anybody met a friend in a religious setting?

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Jesus used be my best friend.

I'm not religious, so no, but someone I know well has found all of her relationships (and eventually marriage) at the one church. And so many of the people there have dated each other. It's quite astounding. It does seem like this holy grail (no pun intended) of a place where like-minded people can find each other.

I was a member of the Boys Brigade for a while as a kid (UK Methodist based youth organisation) I had a few school friends who were already part of it, and one of their dads was an officer. And I did make a few new friends while I was part of it. It would have been when I was maybe between 10 and 13 y.o.

It was a very strange experience sometimes, as even by that age, I already knew I was an atheist - whether or not I was the only one, I do not know. To be a member and to earn merit badges, the religious element was compulsory - church services were part of the activities, as was Bible study. I did find the religious sermons rather boring, though not offensive, and they gave me no "spiritual" insight - I suppose you could say that I treated them as one might fairy tales, intriguing tales with sometimes valuable morals behind them. I never found anyone to be too proselytising about the religious aspect, thankfully.

It was also organised along quasi-military lines, with officers and NCO's, uniforms and marching drills (my first musical instrument was the bugle in the marching band). I find that a little odd when I look back, as I have never entertained the idea of being a soldier, and don't think I'd last five minutes at boot camp.

I do remember enjoying much of it, though. I worked my way through to the highest merit badge quite easily, and seemed to have a good relationship with the officers. The summer camps were especially fun, as I had never camped before, and got to see some parts of the country that I had never visited (first time in my beloved Yorkshire). In some ways it was much easier than school to socialise - the rigid routines and explicit "pecking order" made knowing my place, and judging what was appropriate behaviour much easier (I had not the slightest inkling I was autistic back then).

Once I matured a little, and discovered my own favourite pass-times, I left fairly quickly - I wasn't particularly attached to it, just going with the flow of the few school friends I had at the time, really. But I certainly don't regret having done it, and I'm glad for the insight it gave me into how and why other people believe, and how their faith can give them purpose and solace.

Yes, I've met friends through church. I've moved around a lot due to work and i've found that going to a church in my new town has helped me meet people and settle in.

I am not good at being a part of the group as a whole and I tend to not have the same interests as most women my own age. It's usually middle aged women who take me under their wings. I am shy, but I usually make one close friend around my age in each town I've been in and we keep in touch when I move on.

I guess I have an odd social network. People normally have a clique they hang out with in their own town, but I have a handful of friends scattered all over the place. We have to make a concerted effort to meet up because we can't just pop along the road and drop in for a cup of tea as we live so far away from each other.

As for romance. Not met anyone at church yet. I sort of went out with one chap once, but he decided we were just friends and started going out with someone else, who he later married.

It's normally a guy at work or a guy at college that I connect with. It seems easier somehow to meet men outside of church ( seeing someone briefly once a week isn't enough to form a connection) even though none of the work/college connections lasted or turned into actual relationships, it was easier to get to know them because I saw them every day.

If I do like a man in my congregation I feel like I don't want to try and get to know them at church. I feel like we have an audience, especially of old biddies who want us to get together. Also I feel self conscious because I'm always the new commer and he's usually been in that town his whole life and has friends there he grew up with and I'm an outsider. I don't have that rapport they all have and that makes me feel awkward.

When I like a man I feel like everyone knows how I'm feeling and just pitying me, probably not true, but that's social anxiety for you.

Also if there is some kind of social thing, like a barn dance, I get overwhelmed by all the people and feel like I can't go and talk to the guy I like. I prefer just a small group, like maybe six or so round at someone's house, but no one ever seems to think to invite me along with the guy I like, so how I am meant get to know any single men is a mystery to me.

I've tried doing the organising, having a few people round to my house. The guys have always accepted invites, but nothing ever goes any further. I usually find out they were actually interested in someone else all along. I am the Disney version of Good Luck Chuck.

I'm tired of trying and not getting anywhere. I do meet men, but nothing ever happens and I'm sure I'm doing something wrong.

I like someone new and I just feel like I'm gonna mess this up too. It's just so difficult for me to get to know people and feel comfortable with them.