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Peacesells
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16 Mar 2017, 2:54 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
You know we have Asperger's, right Peacesells? What's obvious to a lot of people isn't obvious to some of us.

Aspergians are not uncapable of playing dumb. I think he knows the answer to his question, but doesn't like it. At least I think I think it's more likely than he really having no clue about it.

But ok, for anyone who has no clue about it, sleeping around while you have a girlfriend is usually not considered a good thing.


Based on their response I think they have made it pretty clear they aren't 'playing dumb' and are actually asking advice on this....and now you're just being rude and antagonizing to them.

I am not rude or antagonizing, you're just being naive here. You see, even now that we have told him that it's wrong and he should leave his gf first if he wants to see other people, he keeps saying stuff like "but I love her!".
He just wants to keep his foot in two shoes and I could see it from the beginning.



JaredGTALover
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16 Mar 2017, 2:55 pm

that would not be me:going out with a college girl

Peacesells wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
You know we have Asperger's, right Peacesells? What's obvious to a lot of people isn't obvious to some of us.

Aspergians are not uncapable of playing dumb. I think he knows the answer to his question, but doesn't like it. At least I think I think it's more likely than he really having no clue about it.

But ok, for anyone who has no clue about it, sleeping around while you have a girlfriend is usually not considered a good thing.


Based on their response I think they have made it pretty clear they aren't 'playing dumb' and are actually asking advice on this....and now you're just being rude and antagonizing to them.

I am not rude or antagonizing, you're just being naive here. You see, even now that we have told him that it's wrong and he should leave his gf first if he wants to see other people, he keeps saying stuff like "but I love her!".
He just wants to keep his foot in two shoes and I could see it from the beginning.



Last edited by JaredGTALover on 16 Mar 2017, 2:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Sweetleaf
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16 Mar 2017, 2:57 pm

Corny wrote:
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Maybe you should break it off before you go to college than. Let her know its been fun but you aren't sure you're really going to stick with her...since you might meet more girls in college. I mean if you're that concerned you'd meet another girl and start dating while still having a girlfriend it tells me you don't really love or have that great of bond with your current girlfriend.

Even if you are really attached to her long distance relationships can be hard, its possible she may drift away from you to and find herself interested in other guys. Still probably best to break it off before either you or her gets with someone else so its not cheating.

I mean is there any reason if another girl expressed interest you couldn't turn them down and tell them you already have a girlfriend? Otherwise you could try not going to college so far away, maybe try a more local community college or somewhere you could still be able to visit your girlfriend, if you really do want to try and continue the relationship.

I am really close to her and love her. But I only see her during school time. But I tried before to plan things out of school and her parents say no. They are really strict. Like now they won't let her go to prom with me. So now I'm not going to prom because she can't. And I tried to get her to come to a thing my grandma's friend was doing where she had a family/friend bonfire. And my girlfriends's parents wouldn't let her go because they didn't know days earlier. And we didn't know about it either till round when they did. Which the night before it.


Ah that certainly does complicate things...why wont they let her go to prom with you? Sounds like they treat her like she's 12, so I can imagine that would be frustrating for you both.

But how old is she, if she is close to being 18 I'd imagine she'll be planning for college or getting a job and what not so I'd think there would end up being opportunities to visit her...if you go to a more local college and not a far one. Or you and her could try getting enrolled in the same college.


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Sweetleaf
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16 Mar 2017, 2:59 pm

Peacesells wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
You know we have Asperger's, right Peacesells? What's obvious to a lot of people isn't obvious to some of us.

Aspergians are not uncapable of playing dumb. I think he knows the answer to his question, but doesn't like it. At least I think I think it's more likely than he really having no clue about it.

But ok, for anyone who has no clue about it, sleeping around while you have a girlfriend is usually not considered a good thing.


Based on their response I think they have made it pretty clear they aren't 'playing dumb' and are actually asking advice on this....and now you're just being rude and antagonizing to them.

I am not rude or antagonizing, you're just being naive here. You see, even now that we have told him that it's wrong and he should leave his gf first if he wants to see other people, he keeps saying stuff like "but I love her!".
He just wants to keep his foot in two shoes and I could see it from the beginning.

You've continued accusing them of trolling and playing dumb after they've expressed that's not their intent at all, seems rude to me. If that makes me 'naive' so be it I suppose.


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Peacesells
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16 Mar 2017, 3:09 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Grammar Geek wrote:
You know we have Asperger's, right Peacesells? What's obvious to a lot of people isn't obvious to some of us.

Aspergians are not uncapable of playing dumb. I think he knows the answer to his question, but doesn't like it. At least I think I think it's more likely than he really having no clue about it.

But ok, for anyone who has no clue about it, sleeping around while you have a girlfriend is usually not considered a good thing.


Based on their response I think they have made it pretty clear they aren't 'playing dumb' and are actually asking advice on this....and now you're just being rude and antagonizing to them.

I am not rude or antagonizing, you're just being naive here. You see, even now that we have told him that it's wrong and he should leave his gf first if he wants to see other people, he keeps saying stuff like "but I love her!".
He just wants to keep his foot in two shoes and I could see it from the beginning.

You've continued accusing them of trolling and playing dumb after they've expressed that's not their intent at all, seems rude to me. If that makes me 'naive' so be it I suppose.

Well, actually I was a bit rude. :P But I don't tolerate cheating.

Oh, if he said that it's not his intent at all then it must be true. See what I mean when I say naive...



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16 Mar 2017, 3:13 pm

Alliekit wrote:
As someone in a long distance long distance relationship when you love the person enough you don't even thing about or consider meeting and dating someone else. If you are already thinking about meeting someone else before even going to college then I dont see the relationship ending well.


I am not entirely sure that is true...particularly if you've never met in person, but even if you have met in person and it became long distance after that it can certainly happen. Even if you really love them you probably also love having them physically close and affection that can occur when you're physically together. So maybe you don't consciously think 'oh I'm going to go look for someone new' but when that person comes along you may find yourself having to decide between them and your long distance S.O. One you're unsure when you'll ever meet in person again, who's not physically there and one who his physically there. Or even without that happening you might just find yourselves drifting apart till the communication gets less and less to where it doesn't feel like a relationship anymore.

I really love my boyfriend, but I know if it became long distance it would be as good as over....sure at first I'd try and deny that and cling to it...but without him physically around I don't see how I could really maintain a relationship it would be too painful. I could handle if he had to leave for like a couple weeks or a month or something for like work but if it was indefinite like neither of us knows when we'll ever see each other again I couldn't do it. I don't think my boyfriend could do it either and I wouldn't blame him. Luckily though we plan to stick together.


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16 Mar 2017, 3:23 pm

Peacesells wrote:
Well, actually I was a bit rude. :P But I don't tolerate cheating.

Oh, if he said that it's not his intent at all then it must be true. See what I mean when I say naive...


I don't approve of cheating either, hence why I suggested if he does decide to date someone else, he should break up with his girlfriend first.

Also that isn't all I based it on, also the content of their posts responding to posters who've commented...just doesn't come off as a troll. If anything you seem like the closest thing to a troll in this thread...


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16 Mar 2017, 3:26 pm

Grammar Geek wrote:
You know we have Asperger's, right Peacesells? What's obvious to a lot of people isn't obvious to some of us.

That doesn't mean you don't know right from wrong, there's a difference.



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16 Mar 2017, 3:36 pm

Actually, it kind of can mean that at times. We don't have as much "common sense" as NTs do. If there's no hard-and-fast rule about something, we often need to learn it; it doesn't come naturally.



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16 Mar 2017, 3:43 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
As someone in a long distance long distance relationship when you love the person enough you don't even thing about or consider meeting and dating someone else. If you are already thinking about meeting someone else before even going to college then I dont see the relationship ending well.


I am not entirely sure that is true...particularly if you've never met in person, but even if you have met in person and it became long distance after that it can certainly happen. Even if you really love them you probably also love having them physically close and affection that can occur when you're physically together. So maybe you don't consciously think 'oh I'm going to go look for someone new' but when that person comes along you may find yourself having to decide between them and your long distance S.O. One you're unsure when you'll ever meet in person again, who's not physically there and one who his physically there. Or even without that happening you might just find yourselves drifting apart till the communication gets less and less to where it doesn't feel like a relationship anymore.

I really love my boyfriend, but I know if it became long distance it would be as good as over....sure at first I'd try and deny that and cling to it...but without him physically around I don't see how I could really maintain a relationship it would be too painful. I could handle if he had to leave for like a couple weeks or a month or something for like work but if it was indefinite like neither of us knows when we'll ever see each other again I couldn't do it. I don't think my boyfriend could do it either and I wouldn't blame him. Luckily though we plan to stick together.


I see what you mean and I can understand growing apart but i cannot fathom how people can be in love with more than one person and love them exactly the same amount, especially when he hasnt even left yet.

I think the best option is to agree to a long term or split it off in the hopes of pursuing that relationship at a later date. As long as there is no cheating going on (or potential cheating)



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16 Mar 2017, 4:11 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
Well, actually I was a bit rude. :P But I don't tolerate cheating.

Oh, if he said that it's not his intent at all then it must be true. See what I mean when I say naive...


I don't approve of cheating either, hence why I suggested if he does decide to date someone else, he should break up with his girlfriend first.

Also that isn't all I based it on, also the content of their posts responding to posters who've commented...just doesn't come off as a troll. If anything you seem like the closest thing to a troll in this thread...

But we told him it's wrong and he insists with this foolishness. Don't you see that maybe, just maybe, I was right from the beginning?

I am not a troll, I was rude but gave him a correct answer.
Grammar Geek wrote:
Actually, it kind of can mean that at times. We don't have as much "common sense" as NTs do. If there's no hard-and-fast rule about something, we often need to learn it; it doesn't come naturally.

I doubt he doesn't know that cheating is wrong.



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16 Mar 2017, 4:23 pm

Grammar Geek wrote:
Actually, it kind of can mean that at times. We don't have as much "common sense" as NTs do. If there's no hard-and-fast rule about something, we often need to learn it; it doesn't come naturally.


True, also if you're 17 I feel that can be a factor....I certainly did things and said things when I was 17 I would never dream of now. I also didn't know I had aspergers so I was rather bitter at that age about feeling so different and not being on the same page as others...so trust me I resorted to some things I am not proud of.


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16 Mar 2017, 4:42 pm

Let me just put this into perspective; if you cannot already treat your girlfriend like she is already your wife, whom you never want to lose, such to the point that you would not even touch or hug or dance or think of other girls without breaking down into the point of tears at the very thought that you would lose your girlfriend, then you were never truly in love with her to begin with, and if her parents are that strict, then all the more reason she will have the need for any partner to stay loyal and exclusive to her (you don't know what it's like to have ridiculously strict parents, but I know, they never give you ANY freedom, and it generally also means that you are the ONLY guy she's seeing and, for that matter, even able to see; you need to let her go and tell her so if you feel that your heart will waver even in the face of having potentially access to women who look like the world's top super-models).

Most autists/aspies tend to be generally very alone and isolated in the social let alone the dating or love-world (you will know that YOU are «relationship material» when you can honestly bring up the fact that you have a girlfriend if any girl were to approach you in a romantic manner; also, you will know if you're truly in love if you're only thinking about one girl all the time, and that any amount of attention from other girls only ends up reminding you of that one girl and wishing that you could be with her whilst you ignore or reject the approaches of every other lady regardless of how much they try to get your [romantic] attention).


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16 Mar 2017, 4:56 pm

Alliekit wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
As someone in a long distance long distance relationship when you love the person enough you don't even thing about or consider meeting and dating someone else. If you are already thinking about meeting someone else before even going to college then I dont see the relationship ending well.


I am not entirely sure that is true...particularly if you've never met in person, but even if you have met in person and it became long distance after that it can certainly happen. Even if you really love them you probably also love having them physically close and affection that can occur when you're physically together. So maybe you don't consciously think 'oh I'm going to go look for someone new' but when that person comes along you may find yourself having to decide between them and your long distance S.O. One you're unsure when you'll ever meet in person again, who's not physically there and one who his physically there. Or even without that happening you might just find yourselves drifting apart till the communication gets less and less to where it doesn't feel like a relationship anymore.

I really love my boyfriend, but I know if it became long distance it would be as good as over....sure at first I'd try and deny that and cling to it...but without him physically around I don't see how I could really maintain a relationship it would be too painful. I could handle if he had to leave for like a couple weeks or a month or something for like work but if it was indefinite like neither of us knows when we'll ever see each other again I couldn't do it. I don't think my boyfriend could do it either and I wouldn't blame him. Luckily though we plan to stick together.


I see what you mean and I can understand growing apart but i cannot fathom how people can be in love with more than one person and love them exactly the same amount, especially when he hasnt even left yet.

I think the best option is to agree to a long term or split it off in the hopes of pursuing that relationship at a later date. As long as there is no cheating going on (or potential cheating)


I think that would be a good option, but I feel trying to stay together over long distance indefinitely can be an unhealthy drain on both people. I mean what if your paths simply continue to go different ways, and thus neither of you really experience a full on physically together relationship.

In my life there is one other guy aside from my current boyfriend, I feel I genuinely loved...but it simply didn't work out. I think he really liked me, but he had too much other baggage and then had to go stay with friends in california, he had told me he was going to but then left without saying goodbye. I called but when I did that it only seemed to confirm the end of things with him...with a slight chance of 'something in the future'. I am glad I moved on and didn't count on that something in the future or I wouldn't have the awesome boyfriend I have now.


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16 Mar 2017, 11:24 pm

Corny wrote:
This is a big problem that I am so worried about. This fall I'm planning on going to college. But I won't be able to see my girlfriend since she's still in high school for 2 more years. And I'm just leaving and going to college. I'll be far away from her and still have feelings for her. But then at college I fall for another girl and start dating her and stuff. But I still have feelings for my girlfriend in high school still. I am so worried something like that is going too happen. And I won't be able to see my girl in high school still while in college. Is it wrong that I would go with another girl that I see at college far away while I still love my current girlfriend a lot?
(This hasn't happened yet. But worried it will.)


It is not ok to date, have sex with, make out with, hold hands with, or flirt with another girl while in a relationship with your girlfriend. It's better to be honest in relationships than dishonest.



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17 Mar 2017, 6:27 am

Chronos wrote:
It is not ok to date, have sex with, make out with, hold hands with, or flirt with another girl while in a relationship with your girlfriend. It's better to be honest in relationships than dishonest.


I agree with this for the most part, except holding hands. It doesn't have to be a romantic gesture. I've had friends - male and female alike - with whom I've held hands without any sort of romantic undertones.


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