what do girls and people in general mean by this?

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OP, I can very much relate to your post, because I used to look very unattractive when I was younger; that's 13 thru 28, although my looks started to get better at age 25. Between those years, I looked hideous as hell. I couldn't get a date if my life depended on it, and forget about getting a girl to dance with me in a club. Whenever I walked past a mirror, I used silently curse myself out, like "**** [Sex] you and your ugly face, you hideous piece of **** [poop]." At 21, I went for a plastic surgery consultation, although I couldn't go through with it, because it cost $10,000 and required 6 weeks of recovery, neither of which I had at the time. All that did a number on my self-esteem, which took me nearly a decade to fully recover from.

You didn't mention how old you are, although you look 24 in your picture. That makes a HUGE difference. If you're young, there's a high possibility that you'll age into your looks over time, as I did. Like, your current face is "optimized" for an older man; regardless of whether it looks good or bad on you now, it might look more attractive several years down the road. Do what you can to improve your looks now: experiment with haircuts, wear more daring colors than gray to stand out better, and smile more. But by and large, your best bet is to wait several years until you age into your looks. Women really do treat you better when they find you attractive, even if they don't plan to sleep with you.

I'm 37 now, and damn it, I look pretty handsome, and no one can convince me otherwise. (Except for a very conniving therapist, maybe.) Women flirt with me pretty often, although much of it is just playful flirting. On a cruise last year, I made out (snogged) with an attractive woman who'd eat me alive and spit me out, had she met my college self back in the day as her own college-age self. That's as blatant a sign as it gets that my looks improved.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 05 Sep 2020, 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

"Whatchoo lookin at, fool?" is not a pick up line.

When someone starred at you, they are using one of the earliest forms of communications. When a child is born, even before they learn to talk, they learn communications with the eyes. They learn how to detect if a person is a friend or foe. The eyes, eyelids, eyebrows and orbicularis oculi muscle play a major role in projecting emotions and the degree of emotions. Because one of the traits of Aspies is to avoid looking at eyes, it seems like we skipped this course. We cannot read people and people cannot read us. As a result most NTs that we encounter will automatically think the worse of us. That we have something to hide. That we are dangerous.

But in my humble opinion there is a solution to this problem. Block people from seeing your eyes and thereby misreading your thoughts and intentions. I use a pair of mirrored sunglasses. They are a bit unique. They are a pair of blue solid mirrored coating prescription glasses. The lenses have no internal tint. Therefore it is possible to wear them indoors because they are not true sunglasses. Mirror coatings can be solid mirror or flash mirror. Solid mirror coating lenses are completely nontransparent; whereas flash mirror coated lenses are partially transparent. My pair of glasses uses high-index lenses because I have an extreme case of nearsightedness. As a result glass lenses would otherwise have to be very thick to address this condition; whereas high-index plastic lenses are much thinner and lighter. The glasses are polarized to prevent glare. Mirror finish lenses produce substantial reflective glare. The effect is like looking through a one way mirror. It prevents people from reading my eyes.

Mirrored glasses come in many colors. I choose blue because Blue is peaceful, tranquil and symbolizes loyalty. Blue is reliable and responsible. It exhibits inner security and confidence. That is the image I wish to project.

If your eyes do not require prescription glasses, then the cost for this type of glasses is minimal.

This is a photograph of a young girl wearing this type of glasses. What image does she project? Friend or Foe?



I have been wearing this type of glasses for a few years now and I am pleased with the results. Most people smile at me. Sometimes total strangers will come up to me and ask me for advise. It is a noticeable effect.

It's interesting that you mentioned eyes. In fact, the incident that inspired me to get plastic surgery involved a waitress saying something about my eyes. I was hanging out with a friend in a trendy bistro, the kind with good-looking waitresses and a fancy-looking decor. (He's the friend who had 4 FWB's and constant hookups, because of his good looks.) I ordered a burger, and asked for caramelized onions to be left off. The waitress, age 22 or so, looked snooty to begin with, but when she was taking my order, something seemed off in her demeanor: she looked like she wanted to slap me. I later heard her talking to her colleague: "That guy! Ew! His eyes are so creepy", while glancing in my direction. (That may not be the exact phrasing, but the words "eyes" and "creepy" were in there.) I pretended not to notice, but became really uncomfortable. My friend asked me "what's wrong?", and I said "nothing", not wanting to look bad in front of him.

My friend's food took 5 minutes; mine took 25 minutes, even though our orders were similar. When my burger came, it looked slightly tampered with. I told my friend I suspected the waitress of messing with it, but he talked me out of complaining. I stupidly agreed; plus, I thought the manager would take her side, anyway. After all, she was an attractive woman, and I was an ugly man. Still, I scraped off all food surfaces a knife or rubbed them with a napkin, in case she spit in my food. (This makes me glad I had a baked potato instead of french fries.) The only comeuppance I got was leaving 10 cents as a tip. By contrast, she was super-nice to my friend, and jokingly bantered with him.

A few days later, I looked up the phone number of a plastic surgeon I heard on the radio, called his office, and scheduled a consultation. What I should have done is buy gray pet mice, sneak them inside the restaurant next time in a backpack, quietly let them loose on the floor, then call the city's heath department to report them.