16 Dec 2020, 5:50 am
Alterity wrote:
First of all let's establish that you are specifically talking about physical intimacy, yes?
As Fnord said, "For some it is" and that is because they are able to find enough fulfillment within the other forms of intimacy.
If you can have sex without love, you can have relationships/love without sex.
As Fnord said, "For some it is" and that is because they are able to find enough fulfillment within the other forms of intimacy.
If you can have sex without love, you can have relationships/love without sex.
Platonic luv.
Alterity wrote:
Quote:
My question to you is why do some couples not have sex? Is it out of fear or something? 
I realize I'm not "you" but I'm a answer anyway. There are more than a few reasons a couple may abstain. Medical or health reasons, religious beliefs, fear of pregnancy, physically incapable, might be taking a break from it, no time or energy(temporary due to children), just aren't ready for it, it could be too painful, distance...to name some off the top of my head.
Lack of physical appeal.
"Half" the "punters" who go to sex establishments do so because their wives have let themselves "go", so I have been told.
Loss of the libido.
16 Dec 2020, 5:54 am
16 Dec 2020, 6:19 am
nick007
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16 Dec 2020, 8:06 am
16 Dec 2020, 10:29 am
funeralxempire
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Age: 40
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16 Dec 2020, 4:02 pm
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy, do you really believe that a relationship without sex is no relationship at all?
Would you say a relationship without cuddling and just watching tv together all night is satisfactory?Now answer my question.
My question to you is why do some couples not have sex? Is it out of fear or something?
One or both have a low sex drive.
Stress.
Resentment.
Bored of their routine pablum sex life.
Etc.
16 Dec 2020, 4:05 pm
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy, do you really believe that a relationship without sex is no relationship at all?
Would you say a relationship without cuddling and just watching tv together all night is satisfactory?Now answer my question.
My question to you is why do some couples not have sex? Is it out of fear or something?
One or both have a low sex drive.
Stress.
Resentment.
Bored of their routine pablum sex life.
Etc.
In my neck of the woods, it’s religion.
funeralxempire
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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,547
Location: Right over your left shoulder
16 Dec 2020, 4:11 pm
Tim_Tex wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy, do you really believe that a relationship without sex is no relationship at all?
Would you say a relationship without cuddling and just watching tv together all night is satisfactory?Now answer my question.
My question to you is why do some couples not have sex? Is it out of fear or something?
One or both have a low sex drive.
Stress.
Resentment.
Bored of their routine pablum sex life.
Etc.
In my neck of the woods, it’s religion.
Religious hang-ups make one more likely to end up dealing with one of those problems, but that's just another reason to jettison toxic superstitions into the dustbin of history where they belong (along side the Mensheviks and VHS VCRs).
16 Dec 2020, 5:39 pm
Pepe wrote:
Alterity wrote:
First of all let's establish that you are specifically talking about physical intimacy, yes?
As Fnord said, "For some it is" and that is because they are able to find enough fulfillment within the other forms of intimacy.
If you can have sex without love, you can have relationships/love without sex.
As Fnord said, "For some it is" and that is because they are able to find enough fulfillment within the other forms of intimacy.
If you can have sex without love, you can have relationships/love without sex.
Platonic luv.
Indeed. But that doesn't make their relationship less intense or less meaningful than one with the physical.
I specifically said sex there though, because you could always have a relationship with romance and other physical touch but no sex. Such a relationship certainly wouldn't be platonic, and is why sex is not a definer of a romantic relationship.
Pepe wrote:
Alterity wrote:
Quote:
My question to you is why do some couples not have sex? Is it out of fear or something?
I realize I'm not "you" but I'm a answer anyway. There are more than a few reasons a couple may abstain. Medical or health reasons, religious beliefs, fear of pregnancy, physically incapable, might be taking a break from it, no time or energy(temporary due to children), just aren't ready for it, it could be too painful, distance...to name some off the top of my head.
Lack of physical appeal.
"Half" the "punters" who go to sex establishments do so because their wives have let themselves "go", so I have been told.
That is another possibility.
Burt in that particular scenario it is usually the decision of ONE person, verses a couple's choice. And often something the person no longer attracted to their partner does not tell the other about. That is a breakdown in the relationship and not just about having or not having sex with one's partner. This makes it a bit different
17 Dec 2020, 2:10 am
Tim_Tex wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy, do you really believe that a relationship without sex is no relationship at all?
Would you say a relationship without cuddling and just watching tv together all night is satisfactory?Now answer my question.
My question to you is why do some couples not have sex? Is it out of fear or something?
One or both have a low sex drive.
Stress.
Resentment.
Bored of their routine pablum sex life.
Etc.
In my neck of the woods, it’s religion.
The most unpleasant woman who ever asked me to be her boyfriend was a religious nutt. When I said I preferred a sexual relationship and we wouldnt be a good match she called me dirty, perverted, and a implied I was morally bankrupt.
Religion and sex is such a peculiar pair but it ranges from anxiety in the bedroom to just outright crazy.
17 Dec 2020, 2:57 am
Nades wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Nades wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Guys would you be willing to date/have a relationship with a woman who didn’t want sex or even a cuddle?
I personally would not want that at all because intimacy in a romantic relationship is VERY important. From experience though I understand some people are willing to compromise and I guess some folk are ok with just sitting on the couch and watching films with there girlfriend without cuddling.
I personally would not want that at all because intimacy in a romantic relationship is VERY important. From experience though I understand some people are willing to compromise and I guess some folk are ok with just sitting on the couch and watching films with there girlfriend without cuddling.
Out of interest has a celibate woman asked you for a relationship? I noticed that as you get older the men and women who are incredibly frigid and were unable to maintain relationships increasingly come to us aspies in a somewhat naive hope that we are more tolerant of indefinite celibacy in a relationship.
I've had a couple of people like that ask me in the past. Each to their own in what they want in a relationship but I think once people get into their 30s it's inappropriate to ask or expect a celibate relationship. If someone isn't ready for sex in their 30s then they will never be ready.
Disagree.
Well I'll rephrase. Inappropriate to ask someone who they realistically expect to want a sexual relationship which they be default should assume everyone does unless they're told otherwise. If they know someone also wants a celibate relationship then its fine.
Once people hit their 30s that is the decade women should think about having kids if they want them and men should try and settle down if possible. Asking a woman who might want kids to start a celibate relationship in her 30s isn't fair on them. People who want celibate relationships need to ensure that it will be a mutual feeling before asking.
I might be bias though. Only a year ago I was called a perv by a woman who wanted a celibate relationship for having the audacity to desire my first stable sexual relationship in my late 20s and politely rejecting her.
There we go.
17 Dec 2020, 3:04 am
Nades wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Nades wrote:
I noticed that as you get older the men and women who are incredibly frigid and were unable to maintain relationships increasingly come to us aspies in a somewhat naive hope that we are more tolerant of indefinite celibacy in a relationship.
There is a stereotype that us autistics are on the asexuality spectrum. I used to go to some sites for asexuals & there were a bit of autistics on them. I think us autistics are more likely to be an extreme ends of the sexuality spectrum compared to NTs. Some are asexual & others are hypersexual & there is a lot of in-between as well.Pretty much as spot on as you could be. Lack of intimacy in a relationship is a touchy issue for me. Everyone also assumes I'm asexual and I get a disheartening amount of interest from people who are also asexual or are just very timid. These two types of people make up the vast majority of people who are interested in me and neither can provide me with anything approaching the type of relationship I want.
Lots of people are interested in you?
What does that feel like?
Nades wrote:
It really is depressing having to fight tooth and nail for months on one woman just to coax her out for a date when it should be a fun activity with little thought put into it. It's literally a haircut, shave, shower, date and that's it yet it's like pulling teeth for most dates I finally got on.
Going on dates really isn't that stressful at and having sex is also not that intimidating. It makes me wonder just how suitable some people are in a relationship if they can't even go on a date yet alone first base.
Going on dates really isn't that stressful at and having sex is also not that intimidating. It makes me wonder just how suitable some people are in a relationship if they can't even go on a date yet alone first base.
Obviously, you are looking at the wrong type of people/demographic.
Is this a Christian group you are into?
17 Dec 2020, 3:21 am
Alterity wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Alterity wrote:
First of all let's establish that you are specifically talking about physical intimacy, yes?
As Fnord said, "For some it is" and that is because they are able to find enough fulfillment within the other forms of intimacy.
If you can have sex without love, you can have relationships/love without sex.
As Fnord said, "For some it is" and that is because they are able to find enough fulfillment within the other forms of intimacy.
If you can have sex without love, you can have relationships/love without sex.
Platonic luv.
Indeed. But that doesn't make their relationship less intense or less meaningful than one with the physical.
Obviously, you haven't been following my posts.
I consider platonic luv head and shoulders above romantic luv, which I consider exploitative.
Alterity wrote:
I specifically said sex there though, because you could always have a relationship with romance and other physical touch but no sex. Such a relationship certainly wouldn't be platonic, and is why sex is not a definer of a romantic relationship.
Not based on the definition of a "romantic relationship".
I did an in-depth study, on relationships.
A romantic relationship necessitates sexual interest/intent.
The purpose, ultimately, of a romantic relationship, ***in evolutionary terms***, is the coupling of two people that are capable of reproducing.
Anything else, ***in evolutionary terms***, is a pleasant distraction.
Alterity wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Alterity wrote:
Quote:
My question to you is why do some couples not have sex? Is it out of fear or something?
I realize I'm not "you" but I'm a answer anyway. There are more than a few reasons a couple may abstain. Medical or health reasons, religious beliefs, fear of pregnancy, physically incapable, might be taking a break from it, no time or energy(temporary due to children), just aren't ready for it, it could be too painful, distance...to name some off the top of my head.
Lack of physical appeal.
"Half" the "punters" who go to sex establishments do so because their wives have let themselves "go", so I have been told.
That is another possibility.
Burt in that particular scenario it is usually the decision of ONE person, verses a couple's choice. And often something the person no longer attracted to their partner does not tell the other about. That is a breakdown in the relationship and not just about having or not having sex with one's partner. This makes it a bit different
Bottom line: Couples can still luv each other without having sexual interest. I.E. A platonic luving relationship.
But on the flip side, couples might stay together because of the financial considerations.
I.E. A marriage of convenience.
Rexi
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Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
17 Dec 2020, 4:24 am
17 Dec 2020, 5:11 am
Pepe wrote:
Nades wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Nades wrote:
I noticed that as you get older the men and women who are incredibly frigid and were unable to maintain relationships increasingly come to us aspies in a somewhat naive hope that we are more tolerant of indefinite celibacy in a relationship.
There is a stereotype that us autistics are on the asexuality spectrum. I used to go to some sites for asexuals & there were a bit of autistics on them. I think us autistics are more likely to be an extreme ends of the sexuality spectrum compared to NTs. Some are asexual & others are hypersexual & there is a lot of in-between as well.Pretty much as spot on as you could be. Lack of intimacy in a relationship is a touchy issue for me. Everyone also assumes I'm asexual and I get a disheartening amount of interest from people who are also asexual or are just very timid. These two types of people make up the vast majority of people who are interested in me and neither can provide me with anything approaching the type of relationship I want.
Lots of people are interested in you?
What does that feel like?
Nades wrote:
It really is depressing having to fight tooth and nail for months on one woman just to coax her out for a date when it should be a fun activity with little thought put into it. It's literally a haircut, shave, shower, date and that's it yet it's like pulling teeth for most dates I finally got on.
Going on dates really isn't that stressful at and having sex is also not that intimidating. It makes me wonder just how suitable some people are in a relationship if they can't even go on a date yet alone first base.
Going on dates really isn't that stressful at and having sex is also not that intimidating. It makes me wonder just how suitable some people are in a relationship if they can't even go on a date yet alone first base.
Obviously, you are looking at the wrong type of people/demographic.
Is this a Christian group you are into?
I sadly don't get loads of women interested in me. It's just most that are interested are frigid or asexual and see me as either someone easy to manipulate into perpetual celibacy or wrongly assume I'm asexual. I've learnt that there appears to be a fine line between people suspecting I'm asexual and an obligation to be asexual. Some have so strongly suspected I'm asexual that they sometimes act disgusted and demeaning when they find out I'm not. It's tremendously rare but has occasionally happened and when it does confidence takes a nosedive when a woman directly tells me that people of my type should never have sex or kids.
I'm very broad with who I look for too. It's just that the people mentioned above have some sort of heat seaking capabilities to find people like me for several miles away.
Jamesy
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Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,530
Location: Near London United Kingdom
17 Dec 2020, 11:04 am
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