Debunking Chick Myths

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I'm not sure I understand these statistics. How could 50% of women and 50% of men be married, if there are more men than women (or vice versa)? It seems to me that those numbers would have to be different.

Jeremy

Don't forget, the overall population is closer to equal between men and women.

Yeah, but not that close. Not to three significant digits.

Jeremy

I can't read body language for crap. It's not an Aspie Male thing. It's an Aspie thing.



Many women do. Not "women." MANY women. And every woman wants something different in a man. They shouldn't all be required to want you (which you seem to be implying by saying they should accept qualities I'd guess you think or have been told you posess).



Have you any idea how often women actually get ASKED??? It MUST be a lot less than you think. ((Not at all, in the case of many women- even ones who aren't "repulsive-looking" or otherwise "undateable," in case you were about to weaken your second argument by bringing that up.))



I still don't get the argument. A woman should be forced to marry you if she doesn't like you so you can have taz benefits? Yes, overcome, indeed, go and do so- the burden is, unfortunately, on YOU to overcome whatever is preventing you from dating, just as it would be with a female who could not date/never got asked. Being treated like a human is utterly serpeate from being guaranteed you'll get a date.





See why I made point three? You contested it!


Thank you, you put it well.



Again, well, well put.



That may be true where YOU are. Imagine going to my college, which is about 70% female. There are still crapload of single people, male and female, voluntary and "miserable and alone," walking around that campus every day. ((Believe me, I know, I listen to both genders complain about it.))

I'll conceede that. If you're a chik, for example, you can very easily go to the SPCA and buy a cat. And then be a crazy catlady.



That ctaully might be fashioned into an interesting pickup line.

I am. But shhhhh.... don't tell Thagomizer!

Most of the women I've ever known look for the lowest common denominator in men. And yes, I've been told my many people that I have many desirable traits. Women certainly have no problem being friends with me...I have a number of female friends, some of which are good friends...but when it comes to romantic interest, women start contradicting themselves, telling me I'd be a great person to be with (one even said I'd be a great father), and then they go for the guys that don't respect them.



Guys are going after women all the time. Spend five minutes in the cafeteria at my university.



There is only so much I can do to overcome what prevents me from dating. I can try all I can to overcome that (counselling, medication, David DeAngelo, etc.) but the onus is on women as well to look beyond their little narrow view of what men are worthy of being their boyfriend. At least I look beyond the looks stuff that women complain men have a narrow view about.



I agree as well with that point. My issue is that women want a real relationship and not just sex, and when I offer what they want, they won't take it. Then they keep complaining. Hard to have sympathy for those kind of women.



It's true where I am, and in just about every other city and town in Ontario in my age bracket. Now, if I was about 10 years older, then the population would be skewed the other way. For some reason during the 1980s and 1990s in Ontario, more men than women were born. I am not sure about the demographics at my university, but I know most of the girls there are taken, in some cases by guys from out of town.

Thanks for clearing those things up for the males

ditto to everything Todd/Jeremy said

I can't believe what I'm reading. Girls can EASILY get into a relationship? Any girl who wants a boyfriend can get one? Those statement were ridiculous. I've been wanting a boyfriend as long as I can remember, and I've never had one. I also know other girls who have the same issue. It is very hard to find a guy who's number one focus isn't sex. ESPECIALLY in college.

I think that a major culprit here is the old model of dating which is still in effect throughout society, where the male is supposed to be the one who asks the female out, and that the female is the one who accepts or rejects the offer. It especially runs against the grain of what aspies are good at, given the fact that a majority of aspies are indeed male. If a majority of aspies were female, OR if society placed the risk and responsibility of asking out on that first date on the female versus the male, things would probably be a lot easier for most (but not all) aspies. If this whole dating thing were made such that the aspie were presented with an offer for a date, which they could accept or decline, versus them having to initiate an unstructured social exchange which makes even most NTs very nervous, things would likely be MUCH better for the majority of aspies who are male.

THAT SAID, the initial ask-out is BUT ONE PART of the dating process, and in the end, it's really no easier for women (AS or NT) either. As several have pointed out on this thread already, even though being able to get a date may be easier for women, it's still very hard for them to find truly deep, loving relationships. They could go on a date, but that is by no means a guarantee that it will blossom into a great relationship. And given that women, on average, tend to seek out other things than men in a relationship, the advantages and disadvantages men and women have at any given stage of a relationship cancel out in the end.

The good news is that things are BEGINNING to change, though change is slow (as in, decades). Women are not asking men out on first dates as often as men do women today, but the percentage is a lot higher now than in the past, at least in the US. I actually was lucky enough to be asked out last semester by a girl at my school. We dated for a few weeks, but decided we were better off as friends because neither of us felt things were going anywhere. So I guess I'm fortunate in that respect...but I actually also want a deeper relationship (something people so far in this thread have associated more with what women than men want), so I find things harder too.

Dating is a world that makes even NTs nervous, even those NTs who date a lot rarely find it easy. I wish there were more of a structure to it (in fact, that would probably make it a lot easier for aspies). But I'll stop ranting now.

Jeez, stop reading everything like it's an exclusive and independent statement that is wholly contained within itself. Words are extremely malleable things, that change depending on how they are combined with other words. Take a look at my first remark:


It's remarkable how easily you forget the first part of someone's post and concentrate on the last part, then restate that person's first comment as if they hadn't said it.
Firstly, I said that I didn't debate that girls have trouble getting a steady relationship that works. Second, I commented that there are a lot of variables that can affect the degree of difficulty. Thirdly, my comment about who has it harder was situation specific. Fourthly, and lastly for this comment, I added that in other situations, and past that point in the same situation, it's just as hard no matter what gender the person is.

Now take a look at what my second comment was in response to, and what I said:



Notice how I used a word from her point, in my response. "Power". That indicates to you what in her point I was specifically responding to. The entirety of my comment, was that the decision is almost always put in their court to start with. Theirs is the power to allow a guy to continue trying to establish a relationship, or to disallow it. I was debating that girls do have the majority of the power in the initial establishment of relationships. Notice in the middle of my comment, the term "regardless". This tells you that I wasn't responding to the first half of her comment, but solely and exclusively to the last half.
Serissa's argument is that because relationships are just as confusing for girls as for guys, that it's just as hard to get in a steady serious working relationship with one another. I don't debate that. Notice, in her last point, the little comment in brackets "((See debunk 1))" immediately after her statement that girls don't have power over men. Because she has specifically linked the two, and the first was about confusion and how hard it is to form steady relationships, the only conclusion a person can draw is that she equates "power over men" with the ability to know how to make men do what they want. Power over men, however, comes in many forms, including the ability to stop a relationship forming and back out of a relationship they do not like. The second both genders have, anyone can back out at any time; but because of the nature of forming relationships, men rarely have the first. That is what I was trying to convey to her.

And my point is that such "veto power" is merely reactive. It can prevent an unwanted relationship, but it can't conjure a good one out of whole cloth. You've been told by several women that they can't just sit back and wait for a quality gent to come to them. As such, I don't think it's relevant to this discussion, since it doesn't really get women any closer to what they want. Assuming that women as a whole are asked out that much more than men (which several women in this thread have debunked), I'd think it may be more of an annoyance than anything else. I have a feeling that most women, if they found a man they really liked, wouldn't hesitate about making the first move.

Jeremy

The grass is always greeneer on the other side. But I however, would not want to be a guy.

Girls are also judged alot harsher based on appearances than guys are.

This isn't specifically gender ralated but I don't like the way people say things like "You don't have the tranquil nature of someone with AS, so I don't believe the diagnosis in your profile".

A member actually said this to me. I don't know how stupid people can get, but this is certainly a new record. Everyone is different. Everyone has different personalities intentions, natures ect.

The world isn't lumped into A massive variety of NT personalities and natures, and one personality and nature for everyone with AS.

This member still remains and probably will forever my least favourite member at this site.

Straying ever further from the original topic , I can relate, but sort of from the other side. My daughter has an AS diagnosis (which is what led me to discover AS, and thus recognize myself as AS). Our personalities couldn't be more different, however. She is outgoing and bossy, likes to make the rules and tell everyone how to play, gets right up into people's faces, has a very hard time saying sorry. I am quiet and introverted, don't like to rock the boat (at least as a child), and likely to apologize for things that have nothing to do with me . Nonetheless, we share many of the traits of AS. But lots of people seem to lump every trait a specific person has into his or her diagnosis, and use that to generalize about all other people with that same diagnosis. This is part of why my husband doesn't think I have AS. He's even said "but you're nothing like her."

Yes, but it's perfectly normal for NT's to think AS people are all the same, as they don't have it. But as this person was a diagnosed AS, I think what she said was estremly ignorant.

It is ignorant, or at least naïve. If she has much of what is just her personality tied into what she perceives as being AS about herself, however, it would explain why she made that comment. I think we can all fall prey to that -- thinking that everything about ourselves is explained by AS -- especially in the early stages, when we've just found out about our AS.

The AS tendency to see things as all-or-nothing, black-or-white might also play a part in what she said.