15 Jan 2017, 9:15 am
Accepting and facing the consequences of your actions is one of the hardest things to do. To find that there's nothing else you can blame it on is terrifying and the knowledge you could have done something at the time makes you feel like a moron. Which of course isn't true because you can't always predict the consequences. It is a very brave thing to do.
It's also hard to know your bad points and also really hard to know your good points. You have to look at yourself objectively and not be too kind on yourself or too hard on yourself. Recognise flaws are natural and that everyone will have something about them you hate even if their flaw is that they are too perfect.
I kind of rambled there 
[/quote]
It's definitely never been my default mode to blame others for the things I am frustrated about in my life, but I think it can get to all uf us, no matter how irrational it is. Trying to be conscious of the way we think and react is the solution. I agree that we have to look at ourselves objectively, as long as we define happiness subjectively.
I think I have found some compassion for women who are defined merely by their looks, because that might be comparable to me as man being defined merely by my paycheck. I am not gonna lie, it bothers me when people tell me I am somehow less of a man, or that I have weak character because of my income, even though my workload is twice that of most people. But you know what? It's my fault for letting that get to me, and the only person I punish by being bitter, is myself.
Life is life, and people will always judge you, whether that be positive or negative judgement.
I kind of rambled here aswell, but I find it helps me gain further insight, and find out who I really am and what I believe.
15 Jan 2017, 10:26 am
Jacoby wrote:
I am sure when you are a very pretty girl the world can seem very open minded and supportive, how hard it must be to have confidence! 
You do realize that's my effort in motion right?. Genetics play a part in attractiveness but I wasn't always "pretty". Being pretty shows I give a damn about others perceptions about me. It makes them more receptive of me. At the same time I've had 4 stalkers and lots of creeps bugging me. Being "pretty" isn't all roses. No matter how pretty you are once you reach that caliber you're never pretty enough for some. That's my hard work at work.
15 Jan 2017, 10:28 am
Alliekit wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Onyxaxe wrote:
I hope this isn't redundant but I didn't read through the whole thread. Anyway thanks for making the thread, I'm a bit of a nerd/otaku and wanted to find someone that could relate to my autism but you're right. Autistic men seem to blame women for everything instead of trying to grow. I can't relate to the fear of rejection or hurt because I'm stoic. If I ask a guy out and he says no, I just figure I'm not his type.
I think people forget that both genders are human. In all honesty, you don't have to like everything about women to enjoy one's company. Even I, as hard as I try maybe insensitive to male issues, but I try my hardest not to be. We need to look back at the generations that stayed together, sure they had their problems but society wasn't exactly helpful. They spent most of their free time bitching over the opposite sex over alcohol and still slept together at night. It's just one of the things about romance.
As far as the men going their own way thing, personally I believe modern relationships are too intertwined. Civilization has advanced to a point where we relate to the depths of our minds and souls. If you think back 100 years or so, just being of the opposite gender was enough to make a relationship work. Things are very complicated and I think humanity needs to catch up to the sharp turn from a crude strength based society, to a delicate mind based society. Unfortunately most people aren't keen to their senses and just go through the motions of life. Those motions in turn hurt others because they are based in selfishness. The group you mentioned is a step back, but the premise is a step forward. Men need to look at themselves and find what they want. Both genders do, the just do it attitude to dating doesn't work for the mind based generation.
I can relate to how you feel, being a 5'9" chick that's in good shape everyone tells me I look like a model. I'm not popular though, being attractive and being popular are two different things. So far dates and trying to date has just been frustrating because the kind of attention I get isn't the kind of attention I want. However people suck. Not just men or vice versa.
To everyone reading this keep your heads up. Keep an open mind. Work towards self improvement. A long as you know you're a good person doing your best, whether it works out or not doesn't matter.
I think people forget that both genders are human. In all honesty, you don't have to like everything about women to enjoy one's company. Even I, as hard as I try maybe insensitive to male issues, but I try my hardest not to be. We need to look back at the generations that stayed together, sure they had their problems but society wasn't exactly helpful. They spent most of their free time bitching over the opposite sex over alcohol and still slept together at night. It's just one of the things about romance.
As far as the men going their own way thing, personally I believe modern relationships are too intertwined. Civilization has advanced to a point where we relate to the depths of our minds and souls. If you think back 100 years or so, just being of the opposite gender was enough to make a relationship work. Things are very complicated and I think humanity needs to catch up to the sharp turn from a crude strength based society, to a delicate mind based society. Unfortunately most people aren't keen to their senses and just go through the motions of life. Those motions in turn hurt others because they are based in selfishness. The group you mentioned is a step back, but the premise is a step forward. Men need to look at themselves and find what they want. Both genders do, the just do it attitude to dating doesn't work for the mind based generation.
I can relate to how you feel, being a 5'9" chick that's in good shape everyone tells me I look like a model. I'm not popular though, being attractive and being popular are two different things. So far dates and trying to date has just been frustrating because the kind of attention I get isn't the kind of attention I want. However people suck. Not just men or vice versa.
To everyone reading this keep your heads up. Keep an open mind. Work towards self improvement. A long as you know you're a good person doing your best, whether it works out or not doesn't matter.
Thanks for your perspective. This thread and some other things that happened in my life lately, has pushed me to better accept my reality. My close friends admire me for my guts, but truth is, I've had alot of self doubt in the decisions I've made, and self doubt sometimes turns into bitterness. But at the end of the day, I made those decisions for a reason. There's no use in being bitter, it is unattractive and off putting(goes for both genders). I might aswell accept the consequenses of my choices, and stand by who I am. The only thing I liked about the mgtow movement, was that it gave me permission to follow my heart, instead of being someone else's blueprint.
Accepting and facing the consequences of your actions is one of the hardest things to do. To find that there's nothing else you can blame it on is terrifying and the knowledge you could have done something at the time makes you feel like a moron. Which of course isn't true because you can't always predict the consequences. It is a very brave thing to do.
It's also hard to know your bad points and also really hard to know your good points. You have to look at yourself objectively and not be too kind on yourself or too hard on yourself. Recognise flaws are natural and that everyone will have something about them you hate even if their flaw is that they are too perfect.
I kind of rambled there
Nowhere near as long as mine but I couldn't have said that better lol.
15 Jan 2017, 10:51 am
androbot01
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15 Jan 2017, 11:28 am
15 Jan 2017, 11:30 am
Onyxaxe wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
I am sure when you are a very pretty girl the world can seem very open minded and supportive, how hard it must be to have confidence!
You do realize that's my effort in motion right?. Genetics play a part in attractiveness but I wasn't always "pretty". Being pretty shows I give a damn about others perceptions about me. It makes them more receptive of me. At the same time I've had 4 stalkers and lots of creeps bugging me. Being "pretty" isn't all roses. No matter how pretty you are once you reach that caliber you're never pretty enough for some. That's my hard work at work.
I know what you mean people called me ugly until I started taking care of my hair, thinking about what I wore and wearing make up.
Also referring to above its not always about something lasting. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Hurtloam your feelings of wanting a partner are valid
15 Jan 2017, 12:26 pm
Onyxaxe wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
I am sure when you are a very pretty girl the world can seem very open minded and supportive, how hard it must be to have confidence!
You do realize that's my effort in motion right?. Genetics play a part in attractiveness but I wasn't always "pretty". Being pretty shows I give a damn about others perceptions about me. It makes them more receptive of me. At the same time I've had 4 stalkers and lots of creeps bugging me. Being "pretty" isn't all roses. No matter how pretty you are once you reach that caliber you're never pretty enough for some. That's my hard work at work.
Maybe that was sort of a mean comment but there is an inherent privilege in being an attractive woman and you are right that it makes people especially men more receptive of you versus someone like me. Now you might work hard to look the way you do, I'm not saying you don't, but that doesn't change the point that you are still essentially complaining that people apparently think you look like a model while scolding others for 'using autism as an excuse', like you said a little humility goes a long way. It doesn't really feel that comparable or relatable of situation so I guess that's why I kind of roll my eyes at a lot of the advice given here and this attitude(I'm generalizing here) that arises in return on this forum "why aren't you listening to my advice? That must mean you are not trying, stop complaining, you deserve this."
Now I don't know if I'd say bitterness serves no purpose, it is a motivator to certain degree to have that chip on your shoulder to change and defeat what causes you that bitterness but you have to walk the razors edge between self righteous cynicism and self loathing depression. It's not really an emotion I feel by choice nor is it one I can just flip a switch on, as I said before I guess I have more issues than just autism and I'm more bitter in a general sense than simply a lack of romantic relationships. It's hard to get over a lifetime of trauma, I'm working on it. I've matured a lot in the last few years altho I still feel childlike, I wasn't happy before but now I want more for myself and have pushed myself a lot with my limited means surrendering myself to seek help from others which goes against all my natural instincts. I wish I was 10 years younger, that's where I feel like I am at in a lot ways and it's hard to progress from that stage at the age I am now. I think I'll be happier when I am working rather than in school, I should be a doctor with how long I will be in school when it is all said and done but it could just be another set of problems at least you get paid tho. School is not a social thing for me, its wracked with anxiety and it conjures up a lot of feelings that I remember as child having at school which is part of what plays into that characterization. When I think of it like that it doesn't really feel like progress.
15 Jan 2017, 12:38 pm
Jacoby wrote:
Onyxaxe wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
I am sure when you are a very pretty girl the world can seem very open minded and supportive, how hard it must be to have confidence!
You do realize that's my effort in motion right?. Genetics play a part in attractiveness but I wasn't always "pretty". Being pretty shows I give a damn about others perceptions about me. It makes them more receptive of me. At the same time I've had 4 stalkers and lots of creeps bugging me. Being "pretty" isn't all roses. No matter how pretty you are once you reach that caliber you're never pretty enough for some. That's my hard work at work.
Maybe that was sort of a mean comment but there is an inherent privilege in being an attractive woman and you are right that it makes people especially men more receptive of you versus someone like me. Now you might work hard to look the way you do, I'm not saying you don't, but that doesn't change the point that you are still essentially complaining that people apparently think you look like a model while scolding others for 'using autism as an excuse', like you said a little humility goes a long way. It doesn't really feel that comparable or relatable of situation so I guess that's why I kind of roll my eyes at a lot of the advice given here and this attitude(I'm generalizing here) that arises in return on this forum "why aren't you listening to my advice? That must mean you are not trying, stop complaining, you deserve this."
Now I don't know if I'd say bitterness serves no purpose, it is a motivator to certain degree to have that chip on your shoulder to change and defeat what causes you that bitterness but you have to walk the razors edge between self righteous cynicism and self loathing depression. It's not really an emotion I feel by choice nor is it one I can just flip a switch on, as I said before I guess I have more issues than just autism and I'm more bitter in a general sense than simply a lack of romantic relationships. It's hard to get over a lifetime of trauma, I'm working on it. I've matured a lot in the last few years altho I still feel childlike, I wasn't happy before but now I want more for myself and have pushed myself a lot with my limited means surrendering myself to seek help from others which goes against all my natural instincts. I wish I was 10 years younger, that's where I feel like I am at in a lot ways and it's hard to progress from that stage at the age I am now. I think I'll be happier when I am working rather than in school, I should be a doctor with how long I will be in school when it is all said and done but it could just be another set of problems at least you get paid tho. School is not a social thing for me, its wracked with anxiety and it conjures up a lot of feelings that I remember as child having at school which is part of what plays into that characterization. When I think of it like that it doesn't really feel like progress.
I get where you're coming from but that's a trigger for me since my whole life has been hell and Ive tried to kill myself twice. I never said men were supporting me either. It's on the contrary, I confide in other women and they've been the ones to help me through struggles in dealing with having one narc parent and one parent that I haven't seen since I was 3. They even tell me, about their own struggles with anxiety, their own depression, how they dealt with their narc parents. It's not a matter of attraction, it's a matter of genuine concern for other humans. And yes, autism is an excuse for some. Autistics are not exempt from human nature. There are those that want to change and those that want to blame the world for not understanding them when they don't try to understand the world. Being pretty didn't keep me from having 4000 seizures and spending my whole teen years in the hospital only to go home to a mother who laughed at my suffering and ridiculed me for not being able to heal myself in Christ.
15 Jan 2017, 1:17 pm
Onyxaxe wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Onyxaxe wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
I am sure when you are a very pretty girl the world can seem very open minded and supportive, how hard it must be to have confidence!
You do realize that's my effort in motion right?. Genetics play a part in attractiveness but I wasn't always "pretty". Being pretty shows I give a damn about others perceptions about me. It makes them more receptive of me. At the same time I've had 4 stalkers and lots of creeps bugging me. Being "pretty" isn't all roses. No matter how pretty you are once you reach that caliber you're never pretty enough for some. That's my hard work at work.
Maybe that was sort of a mean comment but there is an inherent privilege in being an attractive woman and you are right that it makes people especially men more receptive of you versus someone like me. Now you might work hard to look the way you do, I'm not saying you don't, but that doesn't change the point that you are still essentially complaining that people apparently think you look like a model while scolding others for 'using autism as an excuse', like you said a little humility goes a long way. It doesn't really feel that comparable or relatable of situation so I guess that's why I kind of roll my eyes at a lot of the advice given here and this attitude(I'm generalizing here) that arises in return on this forum "why aren't you listening to my advice? That must mean you are not trying, stop complaining, you deserve this."
Now I don't know if I'd say bitterness serves no purpose, it is a motivator to certain degree to have that chip on your shoulder to change and defeat what causes you that bitterness but you have to walk the razors edge between self righteous cynicism and self loathing depression. It's not really an emotion I feel by choice nor is it one I can just flip a switch on, as I said before I guess I have more issues than just autism and I'm more bitter in a general sense than simply a lack of romantic relationships. It's hard to get over a lifetime of trauma, I'm working on it. I've matured a lot in the last few years altho I still feel childlike, I wasn't happy before but now I want more for myself and have pushed myself a lot with my limited means surrendering myself to seek help from others which goes against all my natural instincts. I wish I was 10 years younger, that's where I feel like I am at in a lot ways and it's hard to progress from that stage at the age I am now. I think I'll be happier when I am working rather than in school, I should be a doctor with how long I will be in school when it is all said and done but it could just be another set of problems at least you get paid tho. School is not a social thing for me, its wracked with anxiety and it conjures up a lot of feelings that I remember as child having at school which is part of what plays into that characterization. When I think of it like that it doesn't really feel like progress.
I get where you're coming from but that's a trigger for me since my whole life has been hell and Ive tried to kill myself twice. I never said men were supporting me either. It's on the contrary, I confide in other women and they've been the ones to help me through struggles in dealing with having one narc parent and one parent that I haven't seen since I was 3. They even tell me, about their own struggles with anxiety, their own depression, how they dealt with their narc parents. It's not a matter of attraction, it's a matter of genuine concern for other humans. And yes, autism is an excuse for some. Autistics are not exempt from human nature. There are those that want to change and those that want to blame the world for not understanding them when they don't try to understand the world. Being pretty didn't keep me from having 4000 seizures and spending my whole teen years in the hospital only to go home to a mother who laughed at my suffering and ridiculed me for not being able to heal myself in Christ.
Well I apologize if I caused any offense knowing you a little better now, obviously you have dealt with a lot of trauma as well so I appreciate you at least getting where I am coming from. I don't perceive the world as so open minded or supportive however, that hasn't been my experience and I don't feel I have received any special treatment either rather I got thrown to the wolves in an environment where it's a struggle even for the "normal" people to get out. The people I've found to be genuinely nice caring people are few and far between, fleeting too unfortunately since nobody sticks around it seems(just by circumstance but I've been betrayed as well) which has made me really hesitant in getting close & trust other people. I don't really have people that support me that I can confide in, there really is only so much someone can do to help you so you bottle it up and try to put on a brave face but that isn't what I'm feeling. What I do here is mostly venting rather than seeking advice, most of the advice is pretty obvious. Knowing and saying something is way easier than actually doing it, stuff takes time and doesn't happen overnight but that doesn't lessen the unpleasantness of now or make it any less frustrating.
15 Jan 2017, 10:35 pm
15 Jan 2017, 10:39 pm
15 Jan 2017, 10:57 pm
16 Jan 2017, 12:36 am
16 Jan 2017, 1:27 am
Ban-Dodger
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16 Jan 2017, 1:32 am
The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Jan 2017, 2:22 am
RightGalaxy wrote:
Women this , women that. Did you forget that there is a world's difference between NT women and AS women. NT should be with NT. AS should stay with AS. That's the solution to the problem. So many women bash men too before they realize that they should stop dating sociopaths. Men this , men that. It's not a case about all women or all men, it's "who". I knew a girl who constantly complained about how evil men are. Here's what she dated:
a married man, a junkie, a sociopath, an alcoholic, a bisexual, and a guy who could barely speak English. Was it no wonder that she was sad? AS men need to find decent AS women who they have things in common with. NT men need to find decent NT women who they have things in common with.
a married man, a junkie, a sociopath, an alcoholic, a bisexual, and a guy who could barely speak English. Was it no wonder that she was sad? AS men need to find decent AS women who they have things in common with. NT men need to find decent NT women who they have things in common with.
Not realistic, and most guys here don't have any relationship experiences at all, not a series of relationship with abusive people. So it's a different story.
Ok, now I am gonna act like (censored due to rules) a user who left recently and always got annoyed a lot every time a man posts in a women thread:
[bitter drama mode]
":roll:
Why you ladies are posting and Womansplaining on us here in a Men's thread addressed to men? This is a lack of courtesy and it's is so annoying!! "[/bitter drama mode]
