NT women cant stand aspie men!

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I actually looked at this video a while back. I think a lot of trial and error helps as well.

We get annoying childish and hyper!! *ducks*

Eh, just speaking to the topic title.

I don't find it true. A lot of women think the stereotypical science nerd is hot. Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller for example.

Okay, so he was a literary nerd. Same idea.

The younger people are the more they tend to worry about cliques and peers and what other people think and being different or dating someone 'different' but you won't be a teenager forever and neither will they.

I'm just saying that because a lot of the guys who say they feel like giving up on women are still really young. Even if you are not there is a lid for every pot. I really believe that. (That means you can find someone; everyone can.)

And PS I know AS does not = nerd but that is how most NT will first think of most AS so that was NT shorthand. But yeah. Quiet, smart, mysterious, skilled, lots of good things to like.

NT's are nerdy too! Lol I will be at the premier of Iron Man 3 movie wearing my shirt with the light up arc reactor!

i fall deep, period. this time it's with an aspie man. i said "i understand you" once, but won't do it again. now, i ask him questions. he's interesting, just like all the guys i've dated, but he's interesting in a different way. i'm glad. he's teaching me a lot and i get to learn to be a more logical thinker (rather than get emotional!). in the beginning i thought maybe "i can help him understand emotionally", but now i don't think that way. i understand we're two human beings, and i like being emotionally logical. }=/

Yes they are and nerds are hot!

We make them angry just by being aspies!

I dont like women much lately. None of themv ever like me. It makes me angry fairly often and sad the rest of the time because im trying to like me yet none of them will so its difficult to feel valuable.

pretty sure this girl I'm talking to right now would fit your criteria.

I think you are more rare than you give yourself credit for IlovemyAspie.

Talking with my therapist, and female friends over the years, it seems that most normal people are compatible with about 1 in 12, perhaps up to 1 in 20 people. That is to say, after dating 12 to 20 people you're likely to find someone and fall in love.

I've been doing dating sites and meet & greet dating experiences for 4 years now. I've met many girls.

At first I couldn't tell what sort of personality was compatible with my own. I find girls beautiful, and easily fall in love with them. But after so much heart ache I'm yet to find a girl who "wants" to understand me. I've found one who loves me, but she doesn't want to put up my idiosyncrasies. I'm doing the best I can. But I find girls don't want to have to put any effort in. They want someone to walk into their lives and sweep them off their feet. I can't do that, though I try. I always mess something up and no amount of explaining will ever errase my mistake from their minds. They won't want a boyfriend with challanges, they want Mr Right. I suppose they have plenty of options, and plenty to chose from.

I'll keep looking, but my heart just isn't in it any more.

whats a meet and great?

i feel you on them wanting mr right, they have a dream guy in mind who may not exist but they won't lower their wants to find someone.

And look how well it worked out for you in your last relationship. Not that I'm saying this work is ineffective in the short term, it clearly is, but I think anyone doing this has to accept a cost and a benefit and realise that consistently going against the grain of their personality is not going to work. It's why I, professionally, moved from accountancy, which very much did not align with my personality to computer science and professional software development. I have friends with which I can act something closer to my true personality. I've found a professional niche suited to my personality, engineering, and I don't believe I'm the first aspie to have done so. The long term effort of trying to be something else is probably psychologically unhealthy. But most societies now and then have provided these routes to aspies in one way or another. Monasticism is not uncommon in many societies, and even in tribal societies, there are liminal roles of outsiders who are respected if not loved.

I don't doubt that there isn't an equivalent with the dating issue. I just wonder if stoic wisdom and an acceptance of the probability of not finding a long-term mate is probably healthier. I mean, sex drives decrease and steps can be taken to minimise its destructive tendencies in youth or just accept someone less attractive but, perhaps, capable of making up for your social weaknesses. It is an implicit quid-pro-quo that by later adulthood is probably more beneficial and I've seen that before. Your Aperger's as much a part of yourself as as your education (and I say this as someone with two first-class degrees in Computer science), your physique or whatever else and probably disqualifies you from the same level as someone else of equivalent attractiveness sans Asperger's. You can fool someone for a while, like a sort of make-up, but no amount of work is going to hide a fundamental weakness of your neurology. And accepting that is probably wise, though, perhaps acceptance can only come with multiple exposures to the hard edge of experience.

It's a different type of dating service where you have dinner with a small number of people you "might" be compatible with.
http://www.atableforsix.com.au/
is the one I'm currently with. It's a good idea, I like it more than the online dating sites. Though every girl I've had dinner with so far has been mainstream-NT. After several dates, talking with many girls, and comparing their needs to my own; I believe I need to find a girl who is either on the spectrum, or has traits.

NT's and I have needs that are too different. I just can't bridge that gap. So I think I need a smaller gap.

This is one of the most interesting & entertaining threads I've read on any B.B.. Excellent !

that sounds cool too bad they don't have anything like that in my area, we don't even have speed dating or any local dating agency
though i get high anxiety at the ideal of going to meet with groups of strangers where i don't know anyone.

what are the needs that are too different?

The first couple times anxiety is high, but you do it anyway. After you do 10 or so, it's just another dinner and meet people. It's more relaxed and a lot easier. I don't have any fear of the events at all now.

Having said that; I had to walk out during dinner last Saturday because the noise of the restaurant was horrendous, and it had a live band. The noise was so bad it was hurting my heat, I was on the verge of shutting down altogether. So that's a risk. I appologised profusely and vacated.

The gap I'm talking about is the emotional needs of NT's. I'm more than happy to spend time with people I love, but I also have pet projects that I "need" to keep working on. If I leave them too long my anxiety will also peek and my temper gets shorter and shorter.

NT's seem to need to spend large amounts of time with people, and with their significant other even more. But for me, if a conversation goes more than about 2 hours, my head starts to shut down. I can't think, I can't hear, I can't continue. It's too much and I need space to unwind.

At the heart of it; my needs to keep my autism under control is at odds with the needs of the NT's. They don't understand, and I find it very difficult to explain why I need to get out of a place.

Last edited by GregCav on 27 Jan 2014, 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.