90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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You're externalizing. I don't think blaming God or putting the onus on him is helpful to yourself, or you being honest with yourself. There are a lot of people out there with problems, difficulties, syndromes, etc., and still found someone.

Ever hear the saying (but not a true Bible verse, I guess, just a Protestant work ethic saying) -- God helps those who help themselves?

Help yourself -- work on your issues, live one day at a time, chip away at the problem or obstacle gradually, and most importantly, stop stressing about it. Stress and fear scares away many a good prospect. Women can smell it. Master your fears, master your problems, and Romance will work itself out.

In the big scheme of things, it's far harder to learn how to read or to learn Algebra or Calculus than it is to find a woman and keep her. It sounds like you need a class or help -- find it. Just like how you didn't learn Algebra on your own, or how to read on your own, don't leave this to chance either.

I am really getting sick and tired of people tell me to work on myself. ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING MY WHOLE LIFE IS WORK ON MYSELF. I HAVE KNOWN NOTHING BUT REJECTION FROM WOMEN FOR OVER 20 YEARS.

When you have been trying and failing at something for that long, you begin to think maybe it is Gods will or something like that. No matter how hard I try and work on the social cues, body languge, ect, women want nothing to do with me.

Friends and family have been telling me "you'll find someone someday Ken, just taking a little longer for some reason." Well its been over 20 years, how long do I have to wait?

I have said this before but if I don't don't find a sig other relationship by the end of the year, I will take that as proof that God wants me to be miserable and I will kill myself. I will look into how to do it quick online.

I felt I have done everything I can to work on myself to be attractive to women and I still get shot down. Then another guy comes along to the girl that just rejected me, says the excact same words, does the excact same things I did with her, but she chooses to go out with him and not me. This tytpe of thing has happene to me over and over for 20 years. I think God is telling me I will never find someone. I will not accpect that. I would rather be dead.

Because you are emotional on this topic and serious, I will refrain from going on a 3 paragraph rant about
"God".

You seem pretty defeatist to me. So you have had 20 years of bad luck. You get rejected over and over. You see another guy get the girl so to speak repeatedly. So you have stated: "If I don't find love by the end of this year, then God must want me miserable and thus I will kill myself".

I can see how that type of rejection could hurt. But if you give up, then you lose anyways. You sound like you have put in so much f*****g effort it hurts to even try. But if you don't keep trying, all that effort would have just been a f*****g waste now, right? Right.

I want to ask you something though, not as an attack, but as a real question(s):

Have any of these girls you liked been so wonderful? They reject you without saying why. Seems to me they may be partly at fault.

Have you ever been in love. I mean for real. Not a crush, not a casual or even semi serious interest, I mean love. I mean the type when that one girl rejects you, your life shatters and you go into a depressed emotional state for months and have scars for years. I am be 18, but I have gone through this. That's worse then any normal rejection. Even 20 years of it, I promise.

If these girls you have asked were just interests, why does it matter so much?

Is there a pattern in the type of girl you go after? Something that they all share?

And I want to know, seriously, do you want this just for the sake of itself? Do you really care about maintaining something, or have you been hurt so much you just want to be accepted by a girl no matter what?

I think you should think about those.

Dude just hire a pro. Gets rid of the mopiness very quickly.

ya so this means its way harder for an aspie to lose virginity right?

Only through the ways discussed. Prostitutes don't care.

Even with 5 exes at the age of 28 I find it hard not to be defeatist and just give up on women altogether.

You shouldn't be so hard on him. Had your life been a little different, you could have ended up the same....

The "hardness" on him comes more for the fact he's blaming this on God of all things. He also does not seem to want to think he is capable of being happy without this. And It's not like I am a play boy. My luck with girls sucks, my heart has been crushed to the point of self harm, and I have been rejected I think something on the order of 15 times lat year (2009). Yet here I am, I am not complaining about it. Yes I want a happy relationship. It's up to me to make that happen. And if it does not, it'll be sad. Not worth Suicide though,

I'm not talking about just sex. I know I can go out and get a pro for sex anytime I want. I'm talking about a healthy sig other relationship. You can't buy this.

Please see my above post and answer the questions. I really would like to know.

You make a good point witht he first question. But most of the girls that have flat out rejected me or friend zoned me in the past have known me for awhile and I develop feelings for them. Then they say there is something about me. Or they are not ready for a realtionship, but then a week later they are introducing me to there new boyfriend. I have to just love the honesty there. If they are not intrested in me just say so, but don't lie to me about it.
I have been rejected by women I just met on dating sites and through friends and all that. Those I don't mind getting shot down from because I have not gotten to know them or they me. Its the ones that a have a friendship with that I have deeper feelings for. I don't devlop deeper feelings for every female friend. But then I let them know how I feel and they reject me.
I can't see a patern in the type I go after. Other then the fact they all reject me, they have nothing in common.
The reason I want this is to fill an emotional need in myself. Not because everyone else I know is doing it. I know I have alot of love and care to give the right person. But no one wants to even give me a chance, no matter how hard I try.
I heard alot of people can just sense the people with AS are a little "off". This freaks them out and makes them not want to talk or be with them. I think that is why I have been rejected. That no matter how much I work on my social skills, body languge, ect, due to my AS people will sense that I am "not right" and run from me. This cannot be fixed. Its Gods fault that I have AS. It can't be changed. I have tryed for over 20 years to find someone and I always get rejected no matter what I do. If you always try and fail and get hurt at something for over 20 years, would'nt that be a sign that God does not want you to do it?

Does that answer your questions?

Although I wouldn't blame God but rather nature, you have a point. Today my best friends got all pissed off at me because I was trying to find out how to find a new girlfriend, while they believe I should "fix" myself and the girlfriend will come by itself afterwards.

When you're feeling alienated from your own best friends, then something's seriously messed up.

The truth is "relationships" are overrated. Check out www.nomarriage.com

This is why I don't bother with friends. They WILL judge you for being "different" even if they hang out with you and they will try to take advantage of you at any point. My former friend tried to hit on a girl I was going out with. He isn't even "cool" or good looking, but he probably thought "TheRange is socially "off" how did he get a girl that attractive?" and was jealous and insecure.

I know not all people are like this, but I carefully choose what people I bring in my life and what people I don't. One of my NT acquaintences (I don't call him a friend, because I don't consider him one) thinks I'm being elitist by not hanging out with people or giving people a chance besides my family, bandmates, and romantic interests, but people will take advantage of other NTs, let alone people who clearly aren't like them.

Yes, and I will respond:

To your first answer; Maybe one reason for rejection is that they consider you a friend and feel uncomfortable with anything more. I have been "friend zoned" more times then I can count (so to speak). It sucks to be just the friend, but to the other person your still important to them.

Dating sites as you say are overrated. More so by the female:male ratio. Girls can be even MORE picky online.

Your reason is fine, I was just checking.

Fourth - we tend to be a little off. Those who won't give "strange" people a chance don't deserve the person.

I really take objection to you using god as a blame source. Even though I am agnostic, I know plenty of religious people who not only don't/won't do that but also don't see "God" as a entity like a human. You make it sound like God is a sadistic kid who can make or break your life.

Heres what I suggest:

Instead of just looking for a girlfriend everywhere, put yourself out there. Join a club, take up a hobby, etc. Meet people through those. Maybe you will meet a guy who knows a girl, etc. Instead of looking for just this one thing, maybe you will have better luck going more abstract routes.

I disagree. I've been in 5 relationships and the first few months of any relationship is just pure bliss.

I can't really speak of relationships that last years and turn out well.... but I definitely long fori t.



* sigh *

I'm starting to come to this realisation. I'm not sure who my friends even are anymore......