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90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 9:45 am

KenM wrote:
VincentVanJones wrote:
KenM wrote:
I am really getting sick and tired of people tell me to work on myself. ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING MY WHOLE LIFE IS WORK ON MYSELF. I HAVE KNOWN NOTHING BUT REJECTION FROM WOMEN FOR OVER 20 YEARS.

When you have been trying and failing at something for that long, you begin to think maybe it is Gods will or something like that. No matter how hard I try and work on the social cues, body langues, ect, women want nothing to do with me.

Friends and family have been telling me "you'll find someone someday Ken, just taking a little longer for some reason. Well its been over 20 years, how long do I have to wait?

I have said this before but if I don't don't find a sig other relationship by the end of the year, I will take that as proof that God wants me to be miserable and I will kill myself. I will look into how to do it quick online.

I felt I have done everything I can to work on myself to be attractive to women and I still get shot down. Then another guy comes along to the girl that just rejected me, says the excact same words, does the excact same things I did with her, but she chooses to go out with him and not me. This tytpe of thing has happene to me over and over for 20 years. I think God is telling me I will never find someone. I will not accpect that. I would rather be dead.


Because you are emotional on this topic and serious, I will refrain from going on a 3 paragraph rant about
"God".

You seem pretty defeatist to me. So you have had 20 years of bad luck. You get rejected over and over. You see another guy get the girl so to speak repeatedly. So you have stated: "If I don't find love by the end of this year, then God must want me miserable and thus I will kill myself".

I can see how that type of rejection could hurt. But if you give up, then you lose anyways. You sound like you have put in so much f***ing effort it hurts to even try. But if you don't keep trying, all that effort would have just been a f***ing waste now, right? Right.

I want to ask you something though, not as an attack, but as a real question(s):

Have any of these girls you liked been so wonderful? They reject you without saying why. Seems to me they may be partly at fault.

Have you ever been in love. I mean for real. Not a crush, not a casual or even semi serious interest, I mean love. I mean the type when that one girl rejects you, your life shatters and you go into a depressed emotional state for months and have scars for years. I am be 18, but I have gone through this. That's worse then any normal rejection. Even 20 years of it, I promise.

If these girls you have asked were just interests, why does it matter so much?

Is there a pattern in the type of girl you go after? Something that they all share?

And I want to know, seriously, do you want this just for the sake of itself? Do you really care about maintaining something, or have you been hurt so much you just want to be accepted by a girl no matter what?

I think you should think about those.



You make a good point witht he first question. But most of the girls that have flat out rejected me or friend zoned me in the past have known me for awhile and I develop feelings for them. Then they say there is something about me. Or they are not ready for a realtionship, but then a week later they are introducing me to there new boyfriend. I have to just love the honesty there. If they are not intrested in me just say so, but don't lie to me about it.
I have been rejected by women I just met on dating sites and through friends and all that. Those I don't mind getting shot down from because I have not gotten to know them or they me. Its the ones that a have a friendship with that I have deeper feelings for. I don't devlop deeper feelings for every female friend. But then I let them know how I feel and they reject me.
I can't see a patern in the type I go after. Other then the fact they all reject me, they have nothing in common.
The reason I want this is to fill an emotional need in myself. Not because everyone else I know is doing it. I know I have alot of love and care to give the right person. But no one wants to even give me a chance, no matter how hard I try.
I heard alot of people can just sense the people with AS are a little "off". This freaks them out and makes them not want to talk or be with them. I think that is why I have been rejected. That no matter how much I work on my social skills, body languge, ect, due to my AS people will sense that I am "not right" and run from me. This cannot be fixed. Its Gods fault that I have AS. It can't be changed. I have tryed for over 20 years to find someone and I always get rejected no matter what I do. If you always try and fail and get hurt at something for over 20 years, would'nt that be a sign that God does not want you to do it?

Does that answer your questions?


as for the intro to new boyfriend, i would take it REALLY HARD and then proceed to break his jaw, then kick her right in the genital area REALLY HARD so she is sterile and never gets with child.
i would be that way because to me it is the same thing as a slap to the face + kick in the balls combined.



Last edited by lewdi28792 on 06 Jan 2010, 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 9:52 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
lewdi28792 wrote:
many nt females turn me way the he11 off because all they care about is:
1) how much $ the guy makes in a year
2) his possessitions
3) how long his member is - they should not care about how long/fat it is - they should really care about the man it is connected to.

to me - all of the above is just plain shallow and is a royally big turn off to me.


Most women actually only care about how "normal" you are and how self-confident you are. They don't like "freaks" and they don't like "wussies".

Having said that, I agree that most women are very shallow.


that too



Salonfilosoof
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06 Jan 2010, 9:54 am

lewdi28792 wrote:
that too


That only. If you're good in bed, penis size doesn't matter. If you're confident and popular, money and posessions aren't that important.



lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 9:58 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
lewdi28792 wrote:
that too


That only. If you're good in bed, penis size doesn't matter. If you're confident and popular, money and posessions aren't that important.

and like 100% of other aspies - im still waiting for a chance i will likely never even get.
i face facts and i am a very cold, logical realist. i define cold as completely devoid of emotions,
i get the 100% estimate when you combine male+female



saintetienne
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06 Jan 2010, 10:05 am

lewdi28792 wrote:
KenM wrote:
VincentVanJones wrote:
KenM wrote:
I am really getting sick and tired of people tell me to work on myself. ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING MY WHOLE LIFE IS WORK ON MYSELF. I HAVE KNOWN NOTHING BUT REJECTION FROM WOMEN FOR OVER 20 YEARS.

When you have been trying and failing at something for that long, you begin to think maybe it is Gods will or something like that. No matter how hard I try and work on the social cues, body langues, ect, women want nothing to do with me.

Friends and family have been telling me "you'll find someone someday Ken, just taking a little longer for some reason. Well its been over 20 years, how long do I have to wait?

I have said this before but if I don't don't find a sig other relationship by the end of the year, I will take that as proof that God wants me to be miserable and I will kill myself. I will look into how to do it quick online.

I felt I have done everything I can to work on myself to be attractive to women and I still get shot down. Then another guy comes along to the girl that just rejected me, says the excact same words, does the excact same things I did with her, but she chooses to go out with him and not me. This tytpe of thing has happene to me over and over for 20 years. I think God is telling me I will never find someone. I will not accpect that. I would rather be dead.


Because you are emotional on this topic and serious, I will refrain from going on a 3 paragraph rant about
"God".

You seem pretty defeatist to me. So you have had 20 years of bad luck. You get rejected over and over. You see another guy get the girl so to speak repeatedly. So you have stated: "If I don't find love by the end of this year, then God must want me miserable and thus I will kill myself".

I can see how that type of rejection could hurt. But if you give up, then you lose anyways. You sound like you have put in so much f***ing effort it hurts to even try. But if you don't keep trying, all that effort would have just been a f***ing waste now, right? Right.

I want to ask you something though, not as an attack, but as a real question(s):

Have any of these girls you liked been so wonderful? They reject you without saying why. Seems to me they may be partly at fault.

Have you ever been in love. I mean for real. Not a crush, not a casual or even semi serious interest, I mean love. I mean the type when that one girl rejects you, your life shatters and you go into a depressed emotional state for months and have scars for years. I am be 18, but I have gone through this. That's worse then any normal rejection. Even 20 years of it, I promise.

If these girls you have asked were just interests, why does it matter so much?

Is there a pattern in the type of girl you go after? Something that they all share?

And I want to know, seriously, do you want this just for the sake of itself? Do you really care about maintaining something, or have you been hurt so much you just want to be accepted by a girl no matter what?

I think you should think about those.



You make a good point witht he first question. But most of the girls that have flat out rejected me or friend zoned me in the past have known me for awhile and I develop feelings for them. Then they say there is something about me. Or they are not ready for a realtionship, but then a week later they are introducing me to there new boyfriend. I have to just love the honesty there. If they are not intrested in me just say so, but don't lie to me about it.
I have been rejected by women I just met on dating sites and through friends and all that. Those I don't mind getting shot down from because I have not gotten to know them or they me. Its the ones that a have a friendship with that I have deeper feelings for. I don't devlop deeper feelings for every female friend. But then I let them know how I feel and they reject me.
I can't see a patern in the type I go after. Other then the fact they all reject me, they have nothing in common.
The reason I want this is to fill an emotional need in myself. Not because everyone else I know is doing it. I know I have alot of love and care to give the right person. But no one wants to even give me a chance, no matter how hard I try.
I heard alot of people can just sense the people with AS are a little "off". This freaks them out and makes them not want to talk or be with them. I think that is why I have been rejected. That no matter how much I work on my social skills, body languge, ect, due to my AS people will sense that I am "not right" and run from me. This cannot be fixed. Its Gods fault that I have AS. It can't be changed. I have tryed for over 20 years to find someone and I always get rejected no matter what I do. If you always try and fail and get hurt at something for over 20 years, would'nt that be a sign that God does not want you to do it?

Does that answer your questions?


as for the intro to new boyfriend, i would take it REALLY HARD and then proceed to break his jaw, then kick her right in the genital area REALLY HARD so she is sterile and never gets with child.
i would be that way because to me it is the same thing as a slap to the face + kick in the balls combined.


good post!



Salonfilosoof
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06 Jan 2010, 10:06 am

lewdi28792 wrote:
and like 100% of other aspies - im still waiting for a chance i will likely never even get,


Get to know some people who can help you with your social skills, become more confident and don't be afraid of getting turned down. Many Aspies did find a girlfriend with that mentallity.

The easiest way is to find one online, because you don't need any non-verbal communication online.

lewdi28792 wrote:
i face facts and i am a very cold, logical realist. i define cold as completely devoid of emotions,


I'm pretty much a human computer, relying on mathematical logics for everything. I am, however, also very emotional. My emotional life is just distinct from that of other people's as (like all Aspies) I have no empathic instincts.



lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 10:12 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
lewdi28792 wrote:
and like 100% of other aspies - im still waiting for a chance i will likely never even get,


Get to know some people who can help you with your social skills, become more confident and don't be afraid of getting turned down. Many Aspies did find a girlfriend with that mentallity.

The easiest way is to find one online, because you don't need any non-verbal communication online.

lewdi28792 wrote:
i face facts and i am a very cold, logical realist. i define cold as completely devoid of emotions,


I'm pretty much a human computer, relying on mathematical logics for everything. I am, however, also very emotional. My emotional life is just distinct from that of other people's as (like all Aspies) I have no empathic instincts.


you sound like me - only that i completely turn my emotions off 99.995% of the time.
but as for online - for me that is not good enough because you cannot get to actually know the person.
online in general - i go by D T A
D = DON'T
T= TRUST
A = ANYBODY
how can i TRUST an aspie woman (or any woman in general) if i meet her online - I CANNOT - because i got burnt by a nt woman geek i met online - i am a geek, i am into puters(build, repair, take apart, plus i use linux :D). my ex was also a geek, but she had a skill i do not got - she made www sites, but the bitc* played emotional, mental games with my head and she verbally abused me. if i hooked up with her the abuse would have turned physical. then to add injury to insult - she kept on FORGETTING i am epileptic - if a woman keeps on FORGETTING i am epileptic then how can i count on her to get help when i am in trouble and i NEED it - I CANNOT



lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 10:32 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
lewdi28792 wrote:
many nt females turn me way the he11 off because all they care about is:
1) how much $ the guy makes in a year
2) his possessitions
3) how long his member is - they should not care about how long/fat it is - they should really care about the man it is connected to.

to me - all of the above is just plain shallow and is a royally big turn off to me.


Most women actually only care about how "normal" you are and how self-confident you are. They don't like "freaks" and they don't like "wussies".

Having said that, I agree that most women are very shallow.


as for shallow - i heard that aspie women can be very self centered, but how shallow are they(or is self centered the same is shallow?) - it just seems to my form of logic that self centered = = shallow
or has my version of logic been infected by lt. cmdr. data's emotion chip? :P



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06 Jan 2010, 10:40 am

lewdi28792 wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
lewdi28792 wrote:
that too


That only. If you're good in bed, penis size doesn't matter. If you're confident and popular, money and posessions aren't that important.

and like 100% of other aspies - im still waiting for a chance i will likely never even get.
i face facts and i am a very cold, logical realist. i define cold as completely devoid of emotions,
i get the 100% estimate when you combine male+female


Your 100% estimate is off; might want to revise that.


M.


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For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!


lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 10:45 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
RICKY5 wrote:
The truth is "relationships" are overrated. Check out www.nomarriage.com


I disagree. I've been in 5 relationships and the first few months of any relationship is just pure bliss.

I can't really speak of relationships that last years and turn out well.... but I definitely long fori t.

therange wrote:
This is why I don't bother with friends. They WILL judge you for being "different" even if they hang out with you and they will try to take advantage of you at any point. My former friend tried to hit on a girl I was going out with. He isn't even "cool" or good looking, but he probably thought "TheRange is socially "off" how did he get a girl that attractive?" and was jealous and insecure.

I know not all people are like this, but I carefully choose what people I bring in my life and what people I don't. One of my NT acquaintences (I don't call him a friend, because I don't consider him one) thinks I'm being elitist by not hanging out with people or giving people a chance besides my family, bandmates, and romantic interests, but people will take advantage of other NTs, let alone people who clearly aren't like them.


* sigh *

I'm starting to come to this realisation. I'm not sure who my friends even are anymore......


but as for me - i am in a bible study class in a baptist church for people with developmental disabilities, and some of the classmates are females live in either dept of mental health group homes OR live with their parents - i find the females UNattractive because of their being constantly supervised AND the mental disability (with the mental disability they would not be able to understand the significant meaning of a committed relationship w/ or w/o sex)



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06 Jan 2010, 10:54 am

And women are the ones who are shallow...paleez... :roll:


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lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 11:00 am

makuranososhi wrote:
lewdi28792 wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
lewdi28792 wrote:
that too


That only. If you're good in bed, penis size doesn't matter. If you're confident and popular, money and posessions aren't that important.

and like 100% of other aspies - im still waiting for a chance i will likely never even get.
i face facts and i am a very cold, logical realist. i define cold as completely devoid of emotions,
i get the 100% estimate when you combine male+female


Your 100% estimate is off; might want to revise that.


M.


ok - ill give you 1/2 of 1/2 a point - 95% :P?



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06 Jan 2010, 11:01 am

MissConstrue wrote:
And women are the ones who are shallow...paleez... :roll:


Well, I frequently meet men who enjoy intense and in depth debates on politics, philosophy, religion, etc. whereas I rarely ever meet a woman with those interests. I also notice that men tend to be more willing to accept ackward personality traits among their girlfriends than women among their boyfriends.



lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 11:03 am

MissConstrue wrote:
And women are the ones who are shallow...paleez... :roll:


but otherwise - do you understand my logic and POV?
im sorry - did not mean to offend ya - it is just it would make it so very awkward to date, make plans, etc w/o parents(or group home staff) sticking their nose into the works and asking where going to, when will be back, who be with, etc etc etc.
plus the parents(or group home staff) should be the very last ones to know.



VincentVanJones
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06 Jan 2010, 11:16 am

lewdi28792 wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
And women are the ones who are shallow...paleez... :roll:


but otherwise - do you understand my logic and POV?
im sorry - did not mean to offend ya - it is just it would make it so very awkward to date, make plans, etc w/o parents(or group home staff) sticking their nose into the works and asking where going to, when will be back, who be with, etc etc etc.
plus the parents(or group home staff) should be the very last ones to know.


It sounds to me from several posts that most of your bitterness is personal. You claim to not have emotions (cite high %) of the time, ok then, that makes it hard doesn't it. You can't not feel and expect to feel. Also your DTA policy is pretty bogus. If you never trust anyone you are going to go through life a paranoid unhappy person. You had a bad experience with one person. Move on.

Also double/triple/quad posting makes you look very sloppy. Edit is there for a reason.



lewdi28792
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06 Jan 2010, 12:34 pm

im DTA for a very good reason because i have been hurt, lied to, taken advantage of, made the butt of many jokes much of my life, and i cannot tolorate any more of it. just plain sick of it and wish people would do total truth and not lie in addition to just say what you mean and mean what you say and not mince words. i idolize people who do not mince words and are real cut the crap and get right to the point and are brutally honest.

my doing muiti-posts is my way of keeping my thoughts on a particular post/topic organized with what post goes with what topic, even if it is kinda sloppy.