any women here who have never dated, never had a boyfriend?

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31 Aug 2016, 6:54 pm

Most of these posts have focused on the question of "Why don't single women often post here/seem to be as upset about being single as the men here?"

But I think a better question is, why do men get so upset about being single?

I think the answer is two fold.
1. Many men still seem to feel that if they don't lose their virginity before their mid 20's, or can't get a girlfriend, that society views them as less manly in some way, so meeting these life milestones is integral to their own sense of self worth and self validation.

2. Men, on average, have significantly higher levels of testosterone than women, and this results in a significantly higher libido, and perhaps an amplification of emotions surrounding finding a mate (the pursuit of status)

I think these two things combine to make the inability to obtain a suitable mate feel like one of the worst things in the world to men who struggle with it.

RetroGamer87
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01 Sep 2016, 4:52 am

Chronos wrote:

1. Many men still seem to feel that if they don't lose their virginity before their mid 20's, or can't get a girlfriend, that society views them as less manly in some way, so meeting these life milestones is integral to their own sense of self worth and self validation.

Right you are.

Chronos wrote:

2. Men, on average, have significantly higher levels of testosterone than women, and this results in a significantly higher libido

I'm not sure. I think men are more uniform in their desires but women can very greatly in the intensity of their libido. For some women it is lacking to the point where they become asexuals and for some women it is very strong. In fact I think some women may be able to feel much more intense sensations from sex than men can.

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314pe
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01 Sep 2016, 4:58 am

Chronos wrote:

I think these two things combine to make the inability to obtain a suitable mate feel like one of the worst things in the world to men who struggle with it.

I don't think status and sex are the only (or main) reasons why men want a partner.

Chronos wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

can anyone think of any women in their late 20's, 30's who has never had a boyfriend, never had a relationship before? i doubt it, but i can think of lots of guys like that

Here I am.

Maybe your attitude towards men is the reason.

MamaFrankie5259
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01 Sep 2016, 6:29 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

MamaFrankie5259 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Most men/women want children, so you are eliminating a big portion of population by setting this as a deal breaker.

If you "set" a lot of deal breakers, you will end up with 0% of people compatible with you.

For example, in my case, I am atheist but I would accept a woman who's agnostic or non-practicing or even at most very moderately religious (but not much devout); if I put all those in the deal breaker category for me then I am like eliminating my chance with 99% of women in my area, and that based on the religiosity criteria only.

I also don't personally know very few woman who wouldn't want any marriage and children, again... if I am setting a condition of 'no kids' then I am also eliminating more than 90%.

And if I ever find this unicorn woman who's single AND not religious at all AND doesn't want kids, there's still a chance that we may not be compatible in other ways, like physical attraction, personality and so on...

Umm...you need to compromise, don't ever think you will ever find a gf/bf who's 100% compatible with you on everything.

I am single, not religious and don't want children. I decided at the age of 8 I didn't want them and have never deviated. In fact, I detest children. And sex for that matter.

It's ok, my post wasn't directed at you in particular.

but here a fine example of what I said: I like sex.

So we are not compatible, unicorn lady. :lol:

Defnitely not compatible, you're too young for me!

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01 Sep 2016, 9:09 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

That's understand and I have similar thoughts.

But you should accept this is highly likely to be a deal breaker for many guys, including some of your crushes.

That's a shame. For me, a woman wanting kids is a deal-breaker. She could be absolutely flawless in all other areas and I'd still reject her without hesitation. No kids! :evil:

CourtneyB
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01 Sep 2016, 5:51 pm

I just turned 27 in July... I've been on one date back in May 2015. He was (is) a Marine. He ended up coming on the date even though he was (still) sick and smelled of cigarettes even though he claimed he didn't smoke anymore and quit years ago. But even despite all of that we just didn't "click." I've never had a boyfriend, by the way. ....Well I mean unless you count a guy I 'dated' in 7th grade for less than 3 months :lol:

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01 Sep 2016, 5:53 pm

People in the military, especially when deployed, tend to be QUITE lonely.

CourtneyB
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01 Sep 2016, 6:00 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

People in the military, especially when deployed, tend to be QUITE lonely.

True. I also live in a 'military base mecca' of sorts so there's a lot of military around the area. Military and vet guys have always seemed to like me. Probably because I'm honest, sarcastic, and don't subscribe to today's feminist agenda (so I don't mind them "being men" or assuming the traditional protector/provider role).

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01 Sep 2016, 8:24 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

That's understand and I have similar thoughts.

But you should accept this is highly likely to be a deal breaker for many guys, including some of your crushes.

That's a shame. For me, a woman wanting kids is a deal-breaker. She could be absolutely flawless in all other areas and I'd still reject her without hesitation. No kids! :evil:

Why not make yourself infertile? Via surgery or...if you can't afford that, something else...

If she's 'absolutely flawless in all other areas' that would mean she'd still be interested in you even after finding out you can't have kids, correct?

- No smart alecness or attitude intended. Actually curious.

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01 Sep 2016, 8:27 pm

Outrider wrote:

or...if you can't afford that, something else...

...

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hurtloam
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02 Sep 2016, 1:28 am

Outrider wrote:

If she's 'absolutely flawless in all other areas' that would mean she'd still be interested in you even after finding out you can't have kids, correct?

- No smart alecness or attitude intended. Actually curious.

No, that's kind of an innocent thing to say. She would be more likely to think, oh hes perfect in every way, but I really want children so I'll move on to someone else.

A desire to have children seems strong in those who have it. It's a big thing to let go of if you really want children.

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02 Sep 2016, 1:36 am

it's just my opinion, but i think there are two types of people: those who wish to revisit the innocence of childhood by watching their children grow, and those who wish to revisit it by keeping, cultivating or reclaiming part of that innocence themselves

and a third one actually, who seeks both. not a good thing. they'll achieve neither, and they'll deprive their children as well

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smudge
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02 Sep 2016, 1:40 am

Removed.

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Last edited by smudge on 02 Sep 2016, 2:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Sep 2016, 1:45 am

anagram wrote:

a fourth type: the one who had ....not-a-so-nice childhood and they're afraid to see it happening again to their hypothetical future kid. (but if I ever have a child, I wouldn't totally be careless about my child's social life like my parents were, I would follow up deeply.).

a fifth type: those who never feel "adult".

I am both 4 and 5.

/from Istanbul.

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02 Sep 2016, 1:54 am

smudge wrote:

^ I thought for a moment you were going to describe the second type as someone who didn't want to relive their childhood, therefore would not want children, which would have appeared an interesting idea to me.

no, i really think it's an inherent part of "the human condition". the eternal search for youth. that long lost feeling of magic and enjoyment out of little things and silly thoughts

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

but don't you wish you could have a chance to feel like a child yourself and not feel guilty for it? not necessarily all the time, of course, just something to be achieved or revisited

i do fit type 4 to an extent, and definitely type 5 too, but the way i picture it, if i'm sensible enough, that makes me a type 2 (and if i'm not sensible enough, a type 3, because i don't think i could provide any children of mine with all the material things they would need without losing my mind)

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Drawyer
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02 Sep 2016, 2:10 am

Damn, I'm planing to have at least two children..

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