90% of Aspies can't get a date?

Post Reply New Topic

Just real quick: I don't believe the statistic, it sounds made up.

And I have gotten dates, and I'm sure many other Aspies and NLD'ers can, too.

Yup. It just only works when I'm introduced to someone or when I meet her on the net. Just talking to a random woman in a bar is something only very few of us are capable of.

Unfortunately, I don't have any friends with female friends they want to introduce me to

Hey, salonfilosoof, I was thinking: since you're not as jaded as I am (not yet at least), and still wanting to improve, why don't you try some of those pick up artist techniques? I've read a few of those books (by Neil Strauss for example) and their routines seem pretty rational and scripted to me. And if they work, who cares about whether they're morally sound or not?

Neil Strauss was actually recommended to me by a friend as well. I hope to try out some techniques in the weeks or months to come. I've found a place to hang out where I know a few people and where there should be some single women of the right age around. I just have to get self-confident enough to actually step up to a woman I don't know at all and start a random conversation with her without being too nervous about it.

Good for you! If you have some time and money (say a free weekend and 800 euros or thereabouts), you could also go to London to follow one of the courses by Richard La Ruina (I hope his name isn't too ominous for you). His methods really seem to work, as compared with those of some of his colleagues, and with your command of the English language it won't be very hard for you to fit into a class full of shy men. See: http://www.puatraining.com/. It looks a bit too "slick" at first, I admit, but it does seem to be worth it.

Last edited by dddhgg on 06 Jan 2010, 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Agreed. The girl I was dating ended things with me due to my awkwardness, not my physical appearance. She even looked past the fact that I didn't drive, but my "quirks" were too much for her to tolerate.

Whereas men welcome quirks in the woman that he likes/loves.

Yes, a lot of men including myself care about physical beauty, but 1.)Physical attraction is subjective. 2.)If you keep yourself in shape and don't have a universally ugly face, chances are some guy is going to want you, and want you for more than sex, too. It's much easier IMO to be a woman on the dating scene. A guy has to be socially perfect at all times and never "boring" and even NT guys have trouble with this.

Eh, partially true. I found that sometimes my quirks are my greatest ally with dating. It takes longer to find someone, but when they "get" me, it's all worth it. Typically, when I do find the right girl, they find it endearing, even cute. You don't necessarily have to be socially perfect - my dad wasn't, and he had dates all the time (he's NLD, too). What he was, however, was genuine, brave, AND interesting. But most importantly, he pursued what he wanted out of life FIRST and THEN the women followed. Life lesson for us all

I'm attracted to NT women...not the frowned upon super-extroverted, party-animal, high-maintenance NT, but an NT that is more socially capable than me, but has her own quirks...think Elaine from Seinfeld.

I'll let time be my guide. I still have my lesbian friends to coach me a bit and I finally found the name of the girl who showed interest in my at New Year's



It's typical for most of us....



Quirky men love quirky women and vice versa. Birds of a feather flock together...



This is true for meeting women but not for being in a relationship with them. In the long run they get either bored or annoyed with your quirks. It happened to me all five times I've been in a relationship.



I almost lost my best friends because I refused to accept this when they tried to hammer it into my head....

if they are ''lesbian'' ''friends'' - would they at least let ya have a mercy screw?

They're lesbians, not bisexuals. If they were bisexual, we'd probably have had a threesome a long time ago

Anyway, they help me get my life organised and find an actual girlfriend. That's better than a "mercy screw" in the long run. It's not like I've never had sex anyway

I don't believe this to be true. There must be women out there who do appreciate my quirks; if not, my father would have been old, lonely, and I would have never been born.

Just clicked on that puatraining site out of interest.

I should start up something like that. Seems a great way to make money. Social-coaching for aspies. How to get dates. How to meet people. How to interact when you do meet people.

Did the OP say that 90% of aspie men never have a relationship or get married? Lucky I'm in the other 10% then...

im in the process of getting social coaching and learning how to make friends - and to keep them - and to 'maybe ''find'' friends (and maybe a ''love interest'' if a ''love interest'' for an aspie even exists) - but im going through a brick+morter non-profit that deals strictly in auties and aspies. i would ''trust'' a physical org any day of a week compared to a virtual one. but i have to do some paperwork and get all my ducks in a row, in a matter of speaking, first. plus, the non-profit that is going to be helping me is only 25 miles away from me in asheville, nc(for what i can understand of it - asheville, nc is where there is a physical community of auties + aspies - only difference is i am epileptic and i cannot drive safely - so under normal circumstances - other auties + aspies are out of my reach).

Getting a date or a girlfriend isn't THAT hard, comparatively speaking. It's much harder, for example, to form a really good band, with talented musicians...not a crappy bar band...the kind of band people see and say "They're really good" and recommend them to their friends for weddings and occasions. I had to part ways with a drummer because he was just interested in putting a mediocre band together and gigging ASAP, while the rest of us are trained musicians looking to be a great sounding band first, then worry about getting the gigs. All it takes to get a girlfriend is to find a girl that wants the same things as you. Does it take work? Sure. But people on here make it sound like it's impossible. Aspergers isn't mental retardation.

It sure seems impossible when you put x amount of effort into it and don't see any returns at all. This is why communism failed: if what you get out of it doesn't scale proportionally to what you put into it, you're not going to want to put the effort in... unless you're some super optimistic (and masochistic) person...