90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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20 Dec 2009, 9:42 am

I'm currently 28 and have had first a 3 month relationship, then a 10 month relationship, then another 3 month relationship, then a 6 year relationship and then a 5 month relationship.

That last relationship was about a week ago, so it may not have ended permanently. Nevertheless, it is in my experience that it is perfectly possible to find a girlfriend and even stay together for more than a few weeks but it requires a hell of a lot of work that seems nearly impossible to end up marrying and having children.

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20 Dec 2009, 9:46 am

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Though I don't at all agree with Lonermutant's other points, in all fairness it should be emphasized that there seems to be a fundamental difference between the education systems of America and those of most European countries. As I understand it (please correct me if I'm wrong), anyone who graduates from high school in America can, in principle, go to college, given not too low scores on certain tests. If you're very bright, you go to Princeton, or Yale etc. And if not so very bright, to community college or similar. So, in a sense students are selected on their merits only after high school graduation. But in Europe the universities often are of uniform quality (for better or worse) and selection takes place earlier on, in a sense directly after elementary school. In my country (Holland) there are three types of high school, only one of which grants admission to university. The others give access to more occupation oriented schooling. Most kids go the "lowest" type of high school and usually end up in low wage jobs. In principle it is possible to gain admission to another type of high school after the first grade, but it doesn't happen often.

All good points. However, on the flip side, to get anything more than a couple dollars above minimum wage in the US, you need a college degree. It may not be required by law, but it's economically mandated. College over here is like 2-4 more years of high school, except you live on campus and you have to pay for it rather than the government.

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20 Dec 2009, 9:46 am

Lonermutant wrote:

If a girl shows interest in a boy with AS, it's only as a form of bullying.

When the girl has issues of her own, she may be just looking for someone who understands being "different". I've had several girlfriends any my most serious relationships were most definitely with girls who were "different". The last, I know for fact, was borderline.

If you're both "different" this already establishes a connection and after enough of trial-and-error an aspie can learn to how use this connection to his benefit and establish a deeper connection out of it.

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20 Dec 2009, 10:22 am

makuranososhi wrote:

Lonermutant wrote:

If you had gone through the Norwegian school system like I did, you would have been a town jester now.

Somehow, I doubt that. However, I would ask, as a person - stop replacing the terms "my experience" and "my opinion" with "all aspies" and "anyone with AS should"... they're two different things.

M.

Most Aspies are like me, anyway.

Salonfilosoof
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20 Dec 2009, 10:39 am

Lonermutant wrote:

Most Aspies are like me, anyway.

That doesn't change the fact that you meet different people in life and thus the outside world will have a different impact and is likely to cause different impressions of similar situations.

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20 Dec 2009, 10:44 am

Anyway, just because 90% of Aspies can't get a gf does not mean you are in the 90%.

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20 Dec 2009, 10:59 am

I'm definetly among that 90%. Actually, I think it's actually 99,99% who never get girlfriends.

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20 Dec 2009, 11:39 am

Lonermutant wrote:

I'm definetly among that 90%. Actually, I think it's actually 99,99% who never get girlfriends.

well, it is maybe 99.99% that stay in a small northern town with only the dating pool of eligible dateable women in that small town. I found I had to widen my horizons and go elsewhere to find people that were interested in a relationship outside my comfort zone. Had I stayed in my isolated state and expected the few people around me to conform to my narrow criteriaI would never have found anyone for a partnership, either.

No one was beating down my door to become my boyfriend, I had to get out of my self and put myself out to find someone suitable. Time after time after time.

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20 Dec 2009, 12:01 pm

sinsboldly wrote:

Lonermutant wrote:

I'm definetly among that 90%. Actually, I think it's actually 99,99% who never get girlfriends.

I only lack exams in math and science to get my equalent to SAT/A-level, etc., but I don't bother about ever taking them, because it's hell because of my ADD and I know I'll never be able to sit in meetings all day without going crazy, like I would have to if I had a College degree and a job. I work jobs copying, etc. but I'm considering finally getting a job mowing lawns, clearing snow, etc., because I really want a physical job. I once had a job delivering art exebitions to schools that came in heavy cases, and I lost all the muscle strenght and the endurance I got from that job.

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20 Dec 2009, 12:31 pm

Lonermutant wrote:

I'm definetly among that 90%. Actually, I think it's actually 99,99% who never get girlfriends.

You keep blaming largely the Norwegian educational system.

I'm prettyyy sure 99.99% of all aspies aren't from Norway.

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20 Dec 2009, 1:53 pm

Seanmw wrote:

Lonermutant wrote:

I'm definetly among that 90%. Actually, I think it's actually 99,99% who never get girlfriends.

You keep blaming largely the Norwegian educational system.

I'm prettyyy sure 99.99% of all aspies aren't from Norway.

There are several thousands of aspies in Norway, many are undiagnosed too, and I'm sure that maybe around 0,10% of all apsies MAY be from Norway.

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20 Dec 2009, 2:02 pm

dddhgg, I acknowledge the difference... I resent the insistence that everyone is like him, despite the repeated evidence to the contrary. So round-and-round we go, it seems.

Statistically, there are likely around 50,000 people on the spectrum in Norway, give or take a few thousand.

bdhkhsfgk - Read your private messages.

M.

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20 Dec 2009, 2:40 pm

makuranososhi wrote:

Oh no, I didn't want to disagree with you, but just wanted to clarify his point about the Norwegian educational system a little bit.

As for your second remark, it should be noted that Norway is a large, sparsely populated country, and those 50,000 are likely to be scattered all over the place. The best thing to do, it seems, would be to move to Oslo or some other large city.

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20 Dec 2009, 2:53 pm

I think it is both the insistence that his perception of things is not only right, but applicable to essentially everyone else... and the discrepancy between our experiences is astounding. In contrast, I did grow up in the US - in a state with about 15% of Norway's population covering roughly five times the square miles. Given the statistics, that means there should be well under 10,000 people in the state who are on the spectrum - much closer to 5,000 total, in the absence of other factors. While I am thankful to have somewhere like WP now to share, learn and understand myself, I question whether proximity to others on the spectrum would have been of benefit to me as a child.

M.

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20 Dec 2009, 2:56 pm

Sometimes our issues aren't even AS-related.

Sometimes it's other things.

For example, I live in Texas, a largely conservative state. Politically, I would be considered "center-right", with some libertarian leanings as well. In other words, I am moderate, but lean slightly toward the Republican Party. That would have me labeled a "hippie" in conservative parts of the U.S., but labeled a "fascist" in liberal parts.

Being a Lutheran in a state that's half-Baptist, half-Catholic doesn't help much, either.

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20 Dec 2009, 3:17 pm

Lonermutant wrote:

makuranososhi wrote:

Lonermutant wrote:

If you had gone through the Norwegian school system like I did, you would have been a town jester now.

Somehow, I doubt that. However, I would ask, as a person - stop replacing the terms "my experience" and "my opinion" with "all aspies" and "anyone with AS should"... they're two different things.

M.

Most Aspies are like me, anyway.

REALLY? Fascinating! So if I'm like you, it stands to reason that you are like me, yes?

We are nothing alike. For one, I get lots of dates. And second, I understand that everyone is different.

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