Haven't heard from gf in over 2 weeks.

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4 weeks and no contact.
I would be worried for her, but as you said she has been in contact with others.

For whatever reasons, she is clearly ignoring you. And you have to face that reality and move on. Dwelling, waiting and hoping won't do you much good...

Who knows, maybe she will contact you tomorrow, perhaps with a reasonable excuse; but do you really want someone in your life, who would ignore you for a month?

I would say it is as much about "love" as it is about dignity and mutual respect, if you can't get that, is any relationship worth while?

Move on.

Good luck.

(I wish there was a function on this site, like an anti-spam function that just blotted out all the sexist nonsense so that I didn't have to wade through it constantly just to get to the point. It must have something to do with Aspergers having a scientific rather than psychological link, essentialism becomes trendy. Or maybe the US is like that. Or maybe my friends and the entire world talks differently when im not around. Either way, its getting old REAL FAST).

In regards to my point above, and the last post, I think this kind of behavior is actually evidence that this person has their own avoidance anxiety. It's not because theyre female. Although the way of coping might be more culturally acceptable - to have a 'SHUT OUT' rather than a SHUT DOWN. Shut downs can last for that long, but if they last that long, the person isn't anywhere near ready to be in a responsible relationship, or take on perhaps even the responsibility of a few worded text. They might not want to admit to themselves that they can't be responsible, or aren't well, and hide it through distraction and extroversion, and 'staying busy'. That said, again, I dont know how severe shut downs can be. 'My' girl told me they were so bad she couldnt send a few word text, even though she did type a status update during that time about something random and superficial. I would like somekind of objective opinion on this.

the thing that scares me is that sometimes if you dont see someone for long enough, you do stop loving them. and sometimes, for some people thats easier and more appealing, than dealing with their issues, and finding what they really want.

I assume this is aimed at me?
To be honest I don't see anything I said as exist, if you replace the feminine pronoun with masculine counterparts, would it change the context of my post?
Shall I/we perhaps refer to all "subjects" mentioned in neutral pronouns, "it" perhaps or maybe "Subject A" and "Subject B"? Would that be more politically correct?

You use the word "essentialism", please point out of I have made a generalisation about anyone?
I will gladly apologize.




Is there something to suggest this?
Yes, it is a possibility. Not not a likely one.

The person in question:
1) postpones plans.
2) has excuses (legitimate or otherwise, sad to say but some people will lie like that).
3) terminates contact
4) talks to other people (at an online dating side, at that)

A little off don't you think?

(On that last one, can you see if people are online? has the OP seen her online? how does he know she talks to friends? has she blocked him, perhaps?)



This is also a possibility.



A month is a long time... Do shut downs last months?
I suspect they can, but they would be rare exceptions rather than the rule.


But this brings up the question, how long have they known each other? And now much have they met in real life.
I mean did they only have a one or two meetings before this happened?


Sometimes the answers aren't complicated, sometimes it is simple: maybe she's just changed her mind and doesn't have it in her to say it to him??

Just an fyi I didnt state that brianruns was wrong, I just mentioned that the OP had asked me to intervene because he felt that he was attacking his girlfriend because of brianruns past and he felt uncomfortable reading his posts.

If you are concerned about a certain post/memberś attitude you are more than welcome to contact any of the mods at the mod attention thread on the wrongplanet.net section.

We try to keep an eye o everything but this site is too big and there are only 3 active mods at the moment so we are more than likely to miss some things and we apreciate anyone that tries to help us making our work a little easier.

I hope by now you've realized that it's time to walk away from this situation. People don't neglect some one they're interested in for weeks and weeks, no matter how overwhelmed they are. Good luck with the next girl

Wonderful, more people making assumptions. I just saw that she contacted me again over the weekend, replied to my e-mail on Monday and apologized. She said that she was in recluse mode and didn't really want contact with anyone. Also, it was only for a couple of weeks, not a month. Thanks anyway.

Have to agree with Brian and that, she is clearly avoiding you.

The best thing to do is to not get worked up over it and ignore it, having a woman (or a man) in your life as a partner isn't a "must" but I understand that you want a relationship now as you are getting old but my dad is 54 and he still has women chasing after him, don't feel pressured by your age to have a girlfriend right now.

Telling a person about a haven like this isn't such a good idea but as long as they don't know your username on the website then they can't tell the difference between the other clutter of love & Dating issues on the website, in future keep stuff like this to yourself till its a solid relationship/marriage.

At the end of the day, you don't need someone else to make you happy, the most attractive feature in any person is the fact that they are happy with themselves, your partner should always be second to you in life and not your first, what comes first could be your family or a best friend that has always saved you and been there for you but it should never be your partner unless they have been always there for you since childhood but that in itself is so rare these days.

I'm not being negative here friend but I'm giving you good advice so you don't fall to pieces based on your partners choice to leave/ignore you because lets be honest here, it happens to the best of us

EDIT: Just saw your latest post, ignore what me and the others have said but keep in mind that we were trying to help you.

You said she doesn't have AS, so I'm telling you: she's blowing you off. She has the social awareness to know that she's being extremely rude and inappropriate and she's doing it anyway. It's a choice. It's inexcusable to take three weeks to return an email. Furthermore, "typical" people, when in crisis, will avoid things that cause them further stress, and seek out the solace of things that comfort them. If you are something that she's putting off on her 'to do' list and only getting around to after several weeks, it means she sees you as a hassle to be dealt with.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. I'm not trying to be harsh; I've been lurking in this thread all week, and my blood just boils thinking about the indifference this girl is treating you with, and seeing how naive you are about it.

wow your girlfriend got tarred and feathered pretty fast on here.

if i recall correctly, this break was not completely out of character, though it was a bit longer than usual. the impression i got was that you and your girlfriend are not in a relationship with massive amounts of daily contact, so this was a bit of a long absence but not completely uncharacteristic. i'm glad she contacted you, and i am also happy that you didn't go overboard with worry (to the degree where you freaked her out or anything).

i have mixed feelings about making a partner or someone else aware of the website. my former husband and child know about WP but they both found it too hard to hard to search out my posts so they didn't bother looking too hard. my boyfriend is already on the site. for me... if i have a problem with people in real life who could see my posts, i tend not to ask for advice on the site about them but that is my own comfort zone. lots of people do ask even though their partner or other people involved can see the posts. i wouldn't say it is always a bad thing, and it shows you trust her quite highly.

I think that judging any relationship by any assumption of what "typical" should look like is a good way to never have a fulfilling relationship. Hardly anyone acts "typical" in a relationship, because each person is their own unique bundle of flaws and needs.

I would easily have acted the way this woman is acting in a relationship in which I felt secure. I guess you could say that selfish is natural to me, as it is to many people, and it is where I go in stress. Thankfully I have a spouse who figured that out and let's me be. I make up for it later, and read his needs when he is stressed out perfectly. Might be why we stuck despite some pretty difficult things coming at us early in our relationship: we let each other be who we naturally are, and somehow we feel secure with each other no matter what happens.

I think the one rule of thumb is that a good relationship does make you trust. Amazing what you can handle with the right person, that would freak you out with the wrong person.

Well, I guess that's good. But it still seems odd that she would want to hide from you, her partner, for a month. Seems completely unreasonable, and counter to the idea of a relationship.
You say "reclusive mode", was it just to you?
As you said, she was in contact with other members of the dating site... Did she stop helping with/attend the wedding? Or stop going to see granny?

And, 7th of September to Monday the 3rd of October - that is 4 days short of a month.

I wish you good luck with your relationship.

I disagree. There's already been a few other people in this thread who said that's not necessarily the case. Thankfully, I didn't take everything people have said here, including yourself, at face value.

Actually, she replied on Saturday. Usually, "reclusive mode" means that she doesn't want to see other friends either. I'm not sure what she was doing on OKCupid but lots of people have friends on there and don't just use it as a dating site. She said that her wedding's next weekend, so I assume that she's still helping with that. Also, she visited her granny again today, who is feeling better.

Ok, I that's going to be my last post in this thread. Thanks anyway.

They were objective assumptions based on common sense and on the limited info you granted (people here didn't know that she goes through isolation mode times).

But you, your mom and your sister know her better more than anyone else, so perhaps....you can be the best judge here.

Anyways, I wish you the best luck, trust your instinct (the instinct, not the symbolic heart).

The Face of Boo is right, people here only gave their opinions/experiences based on what you said so you shouldn't think of us as being pricks about it, we were only trying to help you.