Telling OKC dates about ASD PRIOR to meeting

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We are actually agreeing here, although for different reasons. Like I said before, there is definitely 'cons' to admitting you have ASD to someone on a dating site. The more I think about it the more I'm inclined to believe that telling someone you meet on a dating site that you have ASD is not a good idea at all- unless of course, as I said previously, it happened in some organic way. Like maybe someone did admit they have bipolar, in the context of struggling with relationships or something then you could say ''I can relate to that because I have ASD so I've struggled in that regard as well''. Outside of that I just feel that you are opening yourself up to possible rejection or humiliation due to have ASD, which I would err against, because (well this is how I would feel) then I would just get depressed that 'no one wanted me' over 'something i can't change' such as ASD. If the relationship is not going anywhere anyway, why expose yourself to that kind of heartache?

IT took me a long time to realise this, but I think with ASD and other such things that are often negatively stigmatized in society, it's really best to play your cards close to your chest. That's what everyone else is doing, so why show your full hand until you know for sure that it's game on!

I didn't say anything about hot girls, but yea, I was talking about the males who are open about their AS.

No, you silly, but an immortal has an infinite years to live, so he can afford to have the most strict standards in the world and mentions all his issues on a dating profile (ie. AS) yet he will always have chances no matter how little frequent are (as long the human race still exists or didn't evolve to something else), even if they are 100 years apart.





There are such people but they are very few; and btw a LOT of people who have these mental conditions but they would not want someone with the same or similar conditions. We heard a lot of AS girls here who prefer NT guys for instance.

If the relationship isn't going anywhere, it's best to find some closure and end it but if you are having fun in a relationship or even a friendship and it's going well, I don't see a particular reason to end it. However as I have said, I don't see dating as a process of finding the perfect mate or destination, I would rather enjoy it, accept differences, share, explore and just have a fun time in general. If I don't get married to the girl and spend many years raising a family with her, it's not a big deal to me.

Good point about playing your cards close to your chest, I'd rather let my Asperger's come out in some positive way and that it makes me creative. People usually see me as a creative type and naturally I can reveal my Asperger's as just as a part of who I am rather.

I recently had a successful date from OKC. The girl liked me. I didn't like her, so I didn't call her back. Had a similar one from "real life" about a month ago.

I get messages all the time. Many of these I end up boring and losing, but some are willing to meet.

I just got out of a relationship.

I've had 6 girlfriends in 3.5 years. 5 of these lasted less than two months.

So, in your informed opinion, am I the type of guy who ought to be screening out?

Yes, definitely.

Even if it is one chance in a blue moon that I have an opportunity with someone I actually, unqualifiably like? (I don't like most people or most women).

while it's admirable that a lot of people here have the mindset ''if they don't want to date me with aspergers, it's better to get rid of them now'', you may be throwing away a good potential partner. If a girl just meets you, and you tell her you have aspergers, she may like you, but not want to jump into a relationship with someone who can be hard to manage. This doesnt mean she is a bad person , or she doesnt like you. If you waited until you had atleast 4 dates to tell her, after she has decided that she liked you, then she can just say, oh aspergers? I guess that's fine, we got along before I knew you had it.

Yeah, this is probably credited. I just hate the idea of even meeting in person if they are going to be judgmental about this stuff. I do have Avoidant PD, so I have a strong compulsion to avoid meeting when there might be a problem. But you're probably right.

Are you enjoying the dates (even with people you don't like much)? or are most of them are being waste of time and money?

Personally, I think that mentioning AS on a dating profile is stupid if it's that case.

If not and If you think that mentioning it would screen out the type of people that you wouldn't like then you might give it a try, that's something you have to experiment it yourself.

btw, you dont end boring or losing the girls on okcupid..they were never there to begin with. Girls go on dating sites for a reason, most are nuts. 90 percent of the girls i talk to, delete their profiles within 1 week of talking to me, and no they don't block me. the other 5 percent stop talking to me FOR NO reason, after we either exchange a few messages, talk for a while, and move things to cell phone, or are ready to finally meet. The last 5 percent, blocks me the day we are supposed to meet lol.

I saw a girl viewed my profile the other day, so i sent her an instant message. She responded, and i talked to her. Eventually she gave me a two word answer ''oo cool'', and didnt say anything else. I got fed up and told her this convo was a failure, and she said she wasnt talking because i didnt ask her anything else, which pissed me off, because as it was i was carrying the convo the whole way through....next day i see she deletes her profile.

pof nis marginally better but still a waste.

I posted a link in the ''is it really this easy'' thread about vitaly and the phone numbers. I think you might be interested in it.

No, I am not enjoying these dates.

I have a suspicion that disclosure may actually work the other way: screen out some of the girls I would actually like (the exciting/charismatic ones) while keeping in the ones I wouldn't like (the boring/dumpy ones). I'm not sure though.

i... have mixed feelings about this one. i used to feel strongly that a person should disclose their AS because in many relationships it factors in to some degree or another, and quite often it factors in on the first date... it even shows up on some profiles - people with AS _sometimes_ come across differently in print. and there are aspies who don't care about fashion trends and such, so their pictures look different.

so if a person is getting a lack of responses because they are coming across as different online already, they can only be helped by disclosing their diagnosis as soon as possible (i.e. right on the profile). or it could be a good explanation as to why a person doesn't have as much dating experience as compared to peers, for example.

but on the other hand, if someone is getting into relationships fine without anyone ever suspecting anything, then it isn't really necessary to talk about it until things get serious. if AS isn't posing any problem and it's not an issue... why make it an issue? once things shift into a more serious mode, i think it's good to share it just so that the partner is informed and aware, but early on it seems unnecessary.

Well, you're ahead of many guys here: you don't have a problem in getting messages, you don't have trouble in getting dates, and definitely you don't have trouble in progressing further from date to gf, based on what you always complain, your problem is in finding Miss. right .


Umm.... you are almost a typical "girl case" on Okcupid (You are a guy, I know that).

In that case, try things to screen out.

It's true it would screen out prejudice...however it could also be an advertisement to some types that you are someone they can take advantage of (whether this is true or not is a different story, but announcing it will attract a fair share of users based on the perception of Aspies in the general population). There are lots of creeps on dating sites. Be careful. BTW, I've been married twice and had many relationships, and met my ex-husband on Match.com. I'd say I had a good experience with that, but I made a point to be very picky, and basically considered it like "shopping" looking for a person with certain qualities (atheist, liberal, well-read, interested in other cultures, et.c.). None of the people who contacted me fit those things and seemed to be contacting me based only on my picture, not even reading my profile. I would encourage everybody --women in particular-- to look around on the sites and take charge to contact the people THEY are interested in, rather than primarily answering to the people interested in them.