The Fadeaway, Or When People Reject You W/O Rejecting You

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True, but I suspect that in a lot of cases the fading out or whatever is done exactly to prevent the other person getting hurt, when in fact it can (not necessarily always, I grant you that) end up causing more pain than telling them straight up, "Sorry, I'm not interested". I could be wrong, but I think this is what bumble is getting at.

Yes, if the situation is such that the person they'd be rejecting is at worst going to be upset about it I don't see why someone shouldn't be honest. It's not that hard.

The Fadeaway can actually hurt more. Unreturned messages and cancelled plans hurt, in addition to wasting your time. Also, it's mortifying to realize after the fact that someone was just playing along and looking for a convenient exit while you were taking emotional risks and putting yourself out there.

If you knew the exact moment someone gave up on you, you'd know when to stop and save yourself from a lot of embarrassment.

However, I don't think the worst case scenario for the fader is the other person just becoming upset. There are a lot of horror stories out there of people just throwing tantrums or even getting dangerous, and while you may be sure you wouldn't respond that way the fader might not know that himself/herself.

And ultimately they're trying to get you out of their life, so of course they'll care more about their own well being than your own feelings.

I actually chuckled at OP's name (due to my often dark sense of humour), and know where the avatar comes from.

I've had this a lot. People are nice to me, and being too scared to be honest (something I'm genuinely fine with and prefer), they slowly out me out of their life, by slowly stopping to talk to me and then just block me (if via the internet) or blank me in the real world.

It's their choice. I can hardly force them to stay friends with me, and all I'm doing is being my honest, kind-hearted self.

to sum it up, it sounds like they're saying people just don't handle breaking up with others well. Got it.

As for the OP's avatar, it almost looks like the tar-laden area of a smoker's lung.

It also resembles the opening credits to Bonanza, where the map of the Ponderosa Ranch area burns out from the center outward.

I think the issue with the avatar is that most people don't realize it's a picture and rather look at it like a horribly disfigured face.

I'd prefer just getting told, but not in any sort of a yelling way Q_Q

Dittooooo.


^ Ditto.


Same. >.<;;

I have nothing further to add at this point.

For me, the most significant harm of the fadeaway is that you don't find out why the other person is ditching you, so it's harder to learn from your mistakes.

There are a lot of people who have stated the reasons why they do it. And there are plenty of people in the world that will simply feel the silent treatment should give you the hint. They are telling you "I don't have any interest in you, but I dont want to tell you this. I'm hoping my not replying to you will give you the hint to go away." This is a perfectly acceptable thing as far as society sees it if it happens early on during the courting process.

Down the road when a relationship gets more serious, I will agree that this shows a serious lack of respect and lack of tact/social skills. If they are seeing someone else, I would argue that it shows disloyalty and a lack of integrity on their part. In return, you lose your faith in that partner.

blimey twr, by your 2 rules i might never get a date again!
as well as high functioning autism, i have a connective tissue disorder and as a result, my energy levels are quite erratic.
this means that i have to leave plans a bit more open.

it is reasonable to ask for consideration though and sometimes i do also say to people that i have trouble reading between the lines and that i'd usually prefer for them to be quite upfront with me where at all possible.

I just assume I made a misstep, or missed something that would be obvious to anyone else. The best thing seems to just focus on other things, and accept it.

To me, what's worse than the rejection is that it creates a feeling that there's something wrong with me.

If I or anyone else here could help.. In what way do you normally get rejected?

meh it happens try not to take it personally. honestly ask yourself would you actually want to spend time with someone that did not enjoy your company? people come and go its just part of life.