How do I really get a girl?

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That's what you call sincere and constructive advice. Previous attempts by other posters apparently fell on deaf ears, so I thought of something different.

If the OP is offended by this, he can also add homophobic to his list of problems.

Well, as a gay man, I'm going to have to disagree with your advice. lol Men have lower standards...speak for yourself, my friend!

You need a psychologist, he better to be a man or a woman with an electric staff.

I have a simple question: who do YOU mean by "get" a girl? Are you looking for someone to share some positive time with (and depending on how that goes build a relationship), are you looking for a girl to spend time with you simply so you can say you "have" a girl, or are you looking for, well, something physical and that is pretty much all you care about?

Your motives will, in a large part, determine the outcome, because we women often have a nose for that.

I once was part of a group of young adults that had a mix and men and women, and a contact list for all the members. One of the guys literally went through that list alphabetically asking us for a date. That was, well, a FAIL. He wasn't interested in the person he was calling because there was actual potential there (share interests, attraction, ANYTHING), he was calling because he wanted a date, any date. Well, you know, that isn't why women go out with men, most of the time. We aren't looking to spend time with a guy just so he can feel better about himself.

Relationships require give and take, for both people to gain something. Usually, that is a sense that you are with someone who understands you, cares about you, and uniquely enjoys your company (and vice-a-versa).

Most women do NOT want to be seen as a prize, an object, or a way of getting sex. So if those are your thoughts, well, you are going to struggle in the dating department.

If you are looking for someone to spend quality time with, that you can care about and who will care about you, you can be taught how to be more successful dating. A few things that come to my mind are:

1. Don't think with your hormones. That tends to lead you to the wrong girls. Of course you want to feel attraction, but attraction comes in many forms, and the girl who attracts you because of how she holds her head is more likely to be right for you than the girl who attracts you with her chest, sexy dress, or stunning face.
2. Prioritize living your life, not finding a date. Relationships are best formed between two whole people who know what they are about, and know how to be happy in life, even when working towards something larger. People look to date someone who can bring them up emotionally, not someone who will bring them down. If you can't shake the negative attitude, you won't succeed in dating (unless you can find that rare person just as negative as you are who wants more than anything just to wallow in it with you. Sorry, I don't think there are enough of those girls around for all the guys who seem to need them).
3. Do show pride in who you are by caring at least at little about your looks and health.
4. Don't try to pretend you are someone you are not simply because you think that is what girls want.
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Focus on point 2, living and enjoying your life with or without a girl and being a positive person.

I married a shy, funny Aspie man (not that we knew he was Aspie at the time) with the warmest smile I've ever seen. This is it, he's my guy and a great father. We've had our bumps but because we strong enough as individuals we've gotten through them. We were both 36 when we got married; I guess we had things we had to do for ourselves by ourselves before we were ready to meet. This wasn't any leftovers settling; we truly are yin and yang, and both had other people in crush with us at the time we started dating (they found their right people, though; all is well that ends well). Life happens that way.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 28 May 2014, 12:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

B..b...but... Umkay.

You're right, I do have low standards

Thank you. However, I only ever started getting regular attention from women once I'd manage to increase my social skills up to a certain level. It's painful and requires a lot of work, but you HAVE to do it, and it CAN be done, I'm living proof.

do you mean a cattle prod? i'm sorry but that's kind of a funny mental picture, a therapist fending him off with a cattle prod.

Well, it's for self defense purposes, just in case.

Just let her come to you and make all the first moves its a lot easier that way!

Thread locked due to all the mean and nasty comments, not least by the OP.