He insults people... I'm scared.

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Please forgive me for being so blunt, OP.

I guess it's because I've been involved in these sorts of relationships--quite a few times--and they never went well. I've also had friends who have had guys similar to your boyfriend.

I see the pattern already---and that pattern will have you being left in the lurch. He'll say he's TRYING to get a job--but that his Asperger's is interfering. In the meantime, he'll lose incentive because of a lack of self-confidence, and stop looking for a job. He'll figure: I have this woman here who is maternal and who cares about me. Why not play it for what it's worth. This is the start of the dependency cycle. And, once you're married, or even living together for 30 days, it's much more difficult to extricate yourself from the situation. You'll be stuck!! ! This is very common behavior in guys who don't want to get jobs.

Unless you're willing to support this guy, and love him enough, and feel maternal towards him, etc., I'd break myself out of the cycle right now, before it becomes like a hamster on a wheel--you know hamsters don't like getting off the wheel!

I agree with tarantella here. She is not his mother, she's his girlfriend. She is not bound to him in any way, and given the way he behaves that seems just as well.

Well, I don't know what was so bad that it merited a whole topic of its own since you deleted it... but that right there is 4 different incidents in the space of what... a week ?
Do you REALLY want to stay with this guy ?
Bear in mind that you will be judged by the company you keep, especially in terms of your partner and what they do and say to other people.

The OP making the post blank after replies looks suspicious to me & I'm not sure what to think or believe about the post in this thread

Thanks guys I appreciate everyone's replies. It really helps me out. You weren't blunt kraftie.

And nick, I deleted that post because I get afraid that people I know in real life will find my posts. It happened once and ever since then I've been really paranoid. If you look at all my posts, I talk about this same issue with my boyfriend way back a few months ago. I don't like people that know me in real life finding my things online

I remember you. You're the one always talking about your crazy boyfriend right? The one about the smoking weed incident and taking him back? I also remember cberg who posted somewhere on page 2 in this thread. I'm sure he remembers me too. Hello cberg. You should also try to stop editing your original post like you always do because it will make people suspicious. Anywhoo, here you are now with yet another issue. Honestly you shouldn't have taken him back because you always sound so stressed out about this guy, I'm surprised you didn't break up with him yet. Anyways like someone else said it sounds like he has tourette syndrome. Seriously though if he stresses you out more than do you any good then you should break up. But one of the common mistakes of posting online about relationship issues is that we strangers are only hearing about the bad things about your relationship. It's not certain that we know if there are good things about this guy that would outweigh the bad. You told us the bad things about him so you are going to get bad responses about him like "break up with him." You should keep that in mind. In the end its up to you. You can always message me too if you are so afraid of someone in real life seeing your things. I saw your other post, I'm here to talk if you need.

He told me that so much happened in a week because he couldn't handle how much people were there with him. And you're right about being judged by the company I keep, I get kinda anxious when he has to be around my family because I get scared he will say something wrong... My friends don't really like him that much either because of an incident where he was rude to them last year. For now I'm thinking about everything and sorting out my feelings since so much is going on.

By the way the other topic I deleted was about him moving right after he graduates high school. He got offered to go to next years camp that's miles away and he decided that he wants to move to that area, but says he won't go without me, which I'm skeptical about because we got back together recently after he broke up with me. It's not something I can just trust him right away just yet with after all the break ups and him coming back to me and I have some doubts it will work out because he has no job and no money, all of it is on his parents and I don't believe they would actually pay for him to move away. Ahhh so much issues. I really appreciate everyones responses though, it helps to sort out my feelings and resolve.

This is basically my take as well; the gender divide and your emotions don't seem to affect this guy's reasoning, but none of us are around to form a solid second opinion. Keep in mind, some posters here may be seeking an outlet for their own personal stressors in your context. As great as WP may be, it remains constrained to one topic at a time. I too will stick around because for anyone replying here & not venting their own troubles, this is a great source of rather unique wisdom.

I'm not venting at all. I have not had these sorts of troubles for years. I believe I'm offering practical advice, based upon my experience in life.

I wish I would have come across this post sooner.

I think some of this behavior can be associated with Asperger's to a point. Folks with Asperger's tend to distrust authority, and the police are perhaps the most visible form of authority. I have a "hate" for the police myself since a poorly trained our unintelligent police officer can cause so much damage in the lives of innocent, ordinary people. With that said, while I've been tempted to flip off an officer driving by, I restrain myself. If I was pulled over, I would be nothing but respectful.

I was also in charge of a lot of people back in the day, with a pretty fair amount of responsibility. I was a jerk. I had no empathy, and I could not see the perspective of others. Some of that has to due with my limitations having Asperger's, but I really focused on myself and looking good in front of my boss, instead of the needs of others as well.

With some events in my life that were out of my control, I came to have some humility. I learned the other side of the coin, so to speak. This has caused me to be less judgmental, more compassionate, and looking for the opportunity to assist others with skills I have that they lack. In other words, circumstances in my life changed who I am. I still have the same personality, but when I learned about the need to help others, it really changed my life.

Your boyfriend needs to be down on his luck. He needs to be surrounded by a set of folks who are unhelpful and uncompromising. When he's simmering, and talking about how unfair they are, hopefully he can realize this is the way he's been to others. This would change his life for the better, even if it would be a very hard way to learn. If he can change without this occurring, more power to him, but I think it unlikely.

In essence, he needs to follow the rule from the Bible, "Do unto others, as you'd have them do to you." If he needed help and couldn't accomplish something on his own, wouldn't he appreciate actually *getting* the help instead of being unable to accomplish what's needed? If that's the case, he needs to become the helper. If somebody isn't cooking well, he should teach them how to cook better, and in a nice, tactful way. If a police officer pulls him over, he should give them the benefit of the doubt and realize they are trying to earn money for the potential family they have at home.

I think some counseling would be a good idea. But he almost needs more of an intervention.

>cops try to help him and save him
>ask what his name is for the best of his and his safety
>doesn't realize this and is a dick and insults them
your bf sure is a genius

I'm no expert, but two things come to mind with this guy:

Anger management issue (low frustration tolerance)
Depression ("I don't care if I get hurt")

I'm not sure if anxiety fits this guy. He just doesnt care and is willing to push boundaries. Just how far is he willing to go?

Considering your bf is in high school, it will only get harder for him work on whatever internal problems he has until he settles down.

Meepy, I don't know your boyfriend, but from I've read... he's a knob. A massive knob, towering above all the knobs in his giant, pulsating tower while he lords it over all the other knobs insulting their length and girth. Ahem. But yeah, he sounds like a bit of a dickhead if he just insults people all the time. I mean, there's humorous, witty insults and then there's just trying to hurt people verbally. It sounds like he does the latter. I would ditch this guy if I were you

He's a dickhead who could wind up costing this person a whole bunch of bucks.