Bad luck streak with females?

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After reflection, it seems I don't have a bad luck streak with females, but possibly even a good luck streak considering my results this year.

3 females have technically been attracted to me this year, I went on a few dates with 1, had a relationship with 2, etc.

I feel like one of those whiny 'first world problems' kids - I complain of a 'bad luck' streak while others 'truly struggle' in the love and dating department.

But, at the same time, I'd rather not dismiss my hardships.

Like said before, it took 40 rejections to get 2 girlfriends. That's an extremely low success rate, imho. But you could say it's a realistic one. It's not exactly better than average success wise or worse than average, even for an aspie male. That's a 5 in 100, or 5% success rate with women.

And the biggest reason I make this post is all failures and difficulties I've had have been because of recurring issues. Sometimes I was partially responsible for my own misfortune, but the majority of the time it was simply factors I could not influence. So, you could say it was a 'bad luck' streak.

It's just frustrating to suffer 5 'major' rejections throughout the year, that could possibly be a 6th.

This is different to cold approaching random people and getting rejected, this is 5 strong crushes and 5 failures with each of them, one after another, only a few months apart + an unhealthy/short 1st relationship.

'Success' with women as an aspie isn't all it's cracked up to be. Considering it's been over one month and I've only seen my girlfriend in real life a total of four times. Considering my 1st gf was an awful relationship.

I'm sure you'd agree with that kraftiekortie sir. From what you've said you've had a lot of 'success' as well, but most of it I usually pick-up a melancholic and unpleasant view of previous 'success'. From what you've said it sounds like a lot of your 'success' with females weren't serious, mature and genuine relationships, which is what you wanted. Sorry if I'm wrong about this, I haven't seen you make a post about your great success with women in a while but this is what I remember.

Kyle Katarn: I don't even know. To me it makes me think of one of those things where single people go to and switch tables every 30 seconds or something and at the end people choose who impressed them and who didn't.

Low? No! It's quite impressive. It seems you are a genetically superior male worthy of respect, despite being an aspie. It doesn't make sense that you're complaining about having bad luck with ladies.

Is this 'genetically superior male' sarcasm?

I'll admit my functioning is high but that doesn't mean I don't have difficulties.

My only severe issues these days are extreme anxiety and depression in many situations. Official diagnosis is also generalized anxiety disorder co-morbid.

Either way I still feel I've gotten this far without (or barely) using any actual skill. I have confidence but, surprisngly even good confidence only gets you so far.

I guess it's less so 'total failure' with women and more like 'I'm not as amazing at this as you think I am. I might appear confident and capable, but I actually have no idea what I'm doing'.

My level of success surpasses my actual skill level, which means even if I'm successful at getting relationship, doesn't mean I can maintain them without making mistakes or stressing out all the time.

It wasn't sarcasm.
I wish I was as lucky as you.

Well, everything seems to be 'fine'.

Finally got a reply saying she's fine but has just been busy with things around her house, and implied possibly meeting up again soon.

Now I just have to wait yet again for her to call me up on that.

It's been 2 days then since I last spoke to her but it was nothing negative and didn't imply anything bad.

Still get negative, irrational thoughts in my head though.

The only positive I can think of is, if she is fine with going over 2 weeks without seeing or talking to me at least once, at least it means my relationship with her will just be longer and longer.

To think it's been nearly 1 month and 1 week and I've only seen her in real life four times.

I'll probably see her again once or twice and then go another 2 or 3 weeks without seeing her - that's already a 2-month long relationship.

It makes it easier when all the pressure's off to make sure I'm always doing the right things. I can be happy knowing she cares about me while the days just pass by.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping count of how long the relationship's been. This has been my longest and it will easier get longer and longer even if we don't see each other much at all.

Then again, a new negative though has come up - that spending so much time away from her can result in her losing interest in me - a relationship requires constant continued romance and contact to actually continue being interested in the other person/.

That's pretty low IMO.



5 crushes in a single year is about 50 times more than I usually have. That probably explains your low success rate.

The moment of truth. After consistent patience, asking for advice from family and friends, and enduring nearly 3 weeks of pure loneliness aside from seeing my best friend in-person once and talking online like I usually do to him, I have sent this message to my gf:

X, sorry to bother you but it’s been nearly 3 weeks since we last saw one another.

it’s getting to the point where I feel ignored and unloved, and have been worrying or stressing with all kinds of negative thoughts, like maybe you aren’t interested in me anymore, maybe you want to break-up, maybe you’re ignoring me or just want to be friends, and all kinds of other things. This might not be true but it sure seems this way.

I understand you’ve been busy but it disappoints me you haven’t found the time for me. I understand your need for alone time but I believe you have to understand my need for time together. I can wait for you to be interested in meeting up again but I can’t wait forever. I’ve been patient waiting for you and it’s decreasing over-time.

I’ve asked for advice from friends and family and it’s all been the same - it’s unusual for someone to not want to spend time with their boyfriend or girlfriend for so long, they said.

So, please, take this message seriously. I’d like to spend time with you, if you want to spend time with me please help me arrange something. Please reply to this message if you do. We can meet-up after boxing day some time when you are not busy.

And, if you want to break up with me, or just be friends or any of those things, then don’t be afraid to tell me - but I want to meet in real life to talk about it if this is what you want.

Even if you don't want to meet up just yet, please just tell me 'It's okay', so I can stop worrying. And that things are fine between me and you. So, is our relationship okay? Is everything fine?

I'm done with waiting, I'm done with always worrying and feeling terrible about this relationship that may or may not even exist anymore. It's about time I figure out if this is worth it or not.

This is a bad luck streak with females, and it breaks my heart that another failure this year might happen again. Not only is it near Christmas, it's near the end of the goddamn year and this could be yet another fail. I'll update this thread when I get my answer.

I'm definitely improving - first relationship 17 days + very short + terrible, rude, person + emotionally abusive (in a way, constantly being dumped and getting back together with someone who can't make up their mind).

Second relationship: 1 month and 1 week, decent gal who actually likes me back only issue is can go so long without seeing me.

But it's still not enough. My deep depression is only getting worse and worse and after this I might just end up hitting absolute rock bottom at Christmas time.

Kyle Katarn, my life isn't that great at all. Check my post in The Haven about my deep depression since high school has ended and you'll see a relationship doesn't make you happy sir. viewtopic.php?t=301201

Good thing I prepared for the worst as I have just been dumped. Oh wait, no I still feel terrible. very terrible.

"Morning x sorry for not talking to you for a while but I don't think I'm ready for this sort of thing yet sorry
I'd rather have heeps of free time to do things but it's just because I don't know you enough that's all can we just stay friends for now instead

9:57am
Well you can have all that free time it's just I still wanted to see you here and there of course.
And I want to get to know you I have since the start you're a very nice person and yeah I just thought we werent together for too long so didnt know too much about each other yet.
And thats okay if you're not ready.
But i mean is it just the spending time together or you dont feel ready for relationships in general?
I understnad that, it can be hard dealing with entire other person and their feelings remember I had just one girlfriend before you so I can remember being in your position not too long ago.

9:57am
And im sorry for being so emotional but im fine now ive stopped stressing out and just want to have fun with you thats all i just felt really ignored a little bit because its been a while.

9:58am
I'm just not ready for a relationship yet that's all
But yeah it'll be nice to get together again soon"

I'm not falling for THAT trap, where I emotionally invest myself and optimistically hope we get back together.

That mistake has happened once before. The girl said 'maybe someday' and when that day came she only saw me as a friend.

However, with my first girlfriend, she broke up with me and only wanted to be friends but we actually DID get back together, however it was for a short time and only because she only saw me as a friend but thought she wanted to get back together. After spending the night at her house she realized she didn't want to be with me. Yay me.

Anyway, time to make a new thread about this persistent issue: Girls admitting they 'don't know me well enough' (happened with the first gf).

I have no idea why the heck this keeps being the case. I try to open up, talk about my hobbies/interests and figure out hers from the get-go, but they keep saying they 'don't know me well enough yet'.

Maybe it's just because I wasn't friends with them first and it's always just acquaintances for a brief time before I begin the relationship with them, and to the girl I am (oops, WAS dating) just recently, I was practically a stranger to her before our first date.

Well being friends with girls first is hard. Number 1: You're not supposed to expect them to want to date you in the first place, I've heard. And the better method is to just be friends with women for the sake of being friends with them, and maybe one day an attraction MAY POSSIBLY develop between you and a female friend. Number 2: If you specifically want a relationship with a female, it's not the way to go.

So how the heck do you start dating a girl without making sure she 'doesn't know you well enough yet'? Isn't that the point of dating, to have fun and get to know the other person? I don't understand how I'm so bad at opening up if it's been a persistent issue.

Seriously. First gal this year: "I didn't know your friends, you didn't know mine. A couple has to be a part of each others world's" Second: "I just don't know you that well at all, I only want to be friends". Third: "I'd rather have heeps of free time to do things but it's just because I don't know you enough that's all"

What I'm seeing here:
1st: Cop out
2nd: Cop out
3rd: Cop out

Honestly... if they won't even be honest with you about why they aren't interested they were never worth your time to begin with.

Pretty sure the third girl is at least. I;m her first ever boyfriend/relationship, and she is very innocent in many ways. She's not used to this stuff so if she's not ready but only wanted to be friends and doesn't know me well enough and even still wants to meet-up to see me again...

Oh, Outrider...

Young love can often be bloodiest battlefield of them all.

i envy you OP, a lot!, I wish I was 17 again!

I think she is using it as an excuse not to see you anymore. As you wrote yourself, it makes no sense. Regard it as an excuse, and not something you need to consider with the next girl. It's also possible she is not yet ready for a relationship with you, but I wouldn't hang on to that possibility unless she was very special to me, and I had some pretty good arguments for that view.

Just thought I'd chime in, although it's rather late. Girls your age are fickle. Most people your age are.

You seem pretty cute from your picture, and when I was in high school I probably would have been interested. Try not to worry so much. There are so many people out there in the world. You are bound to find the right girl eventually, and you have so much time to do it.

Although this is coming from the perspective of a female, and I admit I never had trouble finding guys to date, although the majority were jerks.

Most probably. I can see there are a few others here arguing she's just being avoidant, etc.

I'm not naive enough to believe everything others say - I certainly believe most people are dishonest and avoidant.

But I also believe most people will simply take the easy way out of most situations and encounters.

If the people who aren't always honest/open/upfront aren't worth your time, then who is?

I think I'm just doing everything I can to shift the responsibility on myself, so I actually have a reasson/excuse to improve and think about what to do better next time.

Like I said earlier, I get annoyed and frustrated when I fail due to factors I couldn't control so even if something isn't my fault I try to make it my fault, just so I can cope by saying 'learn from your mistakes' instead of 'oh well. I did everything right and it happened again. F•ck my life.'

The first one certainly sounds more uplifting and encourages growth as a person.

"Just thought I'd chime in, although it's rather late. Girls your age are fickle. Most people your age are."

Tell me about it. I was interested in relationships and dating just as early as the next male, but looking back at the age I am now I also realized just how pointless and overrated it all is in high school.

I also think HS is not a good time in life to develop real, meaningful connections with another person.

It's too much screwing around and B.S to bother. They even say high school relationships at least prepare you for adult ones but that's not even true either.

I actually decided having first relationships in later high school (16-18 yeas old) is much better and could be a more lasting relationship but judging by my two short-terms this doesn't seem to be so.

"You seem pretty cute from your picture, and when I was in high school I probably would have been interested." Well, thank you. I didn't/don't expect compliments but at this time it may help slightly.

"Try not to worry so much. There are so many people out there in the world. You are bound to find the right girl eventually, and you have so much time to do it."

It's this forum. It messes with my head so much and seeing older male aspies all struggle so much is hard to see.

Yes, I'm younger and have an advantage but there's also aspie males here in there early 20s and stuff like that who struggle hard. They also have the advantage of youth but is it really that much of an advantage? I find it hard to believe.

But I guess it makes me feel a little better I got my first relationship at 16, but I don't really think I'm anything special, even for an aspie male.

Maybe I should stop coming to this L&D forum, it's so negative and takes a strain on my mental wellbeing . For some reason I just enjoy being miserable and negative online and a place like this fully encourages it. But I'm also addicted to this site, especially this section.

Maybe a majority are, but the one I was interested in during high school certainly wasn't. She was extremely persistent, and so was I. The moral of the story of course being that if you can detect the persistent one's, you don't need to bother with the one's that are fickle.