Had aspie girlfriend taken from me by her parents. Part 2

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I don't understand what the big rush is. Must have serious committed relationship by age 18 .... wha????

I never dated until college. Why not? I had opportunities to, I just didn't want my controlling, abusive mother to know my business and stomp on my heart. (As it turned out, she blamed me for my first boyfriend - in college - breaking up with me, while in fact I dumped him - and for cause. So my expectations about her proved to be well-founded.)

Never went to prom but never wanted to. I knew a girl who was sick at heart because she didn't have a prom date. I couldn't see what the fuss was about.

Later in life, I made up for lost time. I just do not understand, at all, the fixation some aspies have on having advanced romantic lives by age 18.

THANK. YOU.

[/slow clap]

What is so hard about this?

It was a big deal to me when I was in hs. Never imagined anyone would ever want me. Ended up in worst relationship ever. Y’all, listen to this advice. It’s good stuff.

An 18 year old who is interested in a 16 year old is not a pedophile and it's disgusting that you would slander the kid in such a way.

Yes, he needs to move on because it's not likely to work, but you're being ridiculous to label him a pedophile.

PS: Google 'Romeo and Juliet law', even most legal systems recognize there's nothing wrong with an 18 year old being involved with a 16 year old.

And he's telling me stuff like "deal with it" as if that's not easier said than done. I don't think he understands how hurt I've been by this.

I'll be ok long term, but I consider that to be kicking people while they're down.

If your teenage mind was able to handle that back then, that's great. It's just different for everyone, and I'm certainly not alone with my emotions.

Fnord I usually consider you a reasonable poster, but in this case you're plain wrong.

First of all Paedophilia is a sexual attraction towards children. Unless she has Turner's syndrome a 16 year old girl will have progressed through puberty and look mature.

Second of all, they are two years apart in age for crying out loud. Standard rule is half your age plus 7. 18/2=9 + 7 = 16 voila. He is within standard dating rules.

Now there are messed up relationships where 55 year old men (or women) get involved with teenagers. This would not be paedophilia but it does not make it right. There's a reason we have an age of adulthood far above sexual maturity. However people who are just above that threshold should not be punished for being interested in people just below that threshold. If he was trying to date a 12 year old, or if he was 30 it would be a completely different story.

This is absurd. Just because OP has only just reached adulthood and happened to do so first doesn't mean there's anything wrong with a two year age gap. Would you have a problem with a 17 year-old pursuing a relationship with a 15 year-old? Would you have a problem with an 18 year-old who's just turned 18 today pursuing a 16 year-old, where yesterday when the 18 year-old was 17 years and 364 days old, you'd have no problem?

You're acting as though OP is 30 and has an obsession with a 13 year-old.

It is not the age gap, per se, but the fact that the girl is underage. Give it another two years, and the entire matter will be but a mere trifle.

But don't you think that calling the guy a "paedophiliac" is a little extreme?

No.

The word means "Child-Lover" and implies an obsession.

You seem to be more concerned with political correctness than with the health and safety of the girl.

I hate "political correctness" as much as most people here do. If this guy is a paedophiliac, then more than half the population are paedophiliacs. Because seniors in high school go out with juniors in high school on a regular basis.

He's an 18-year-old high school kid going out with a 16-year-old high school kid. He's not some 30-something obsessing over a 13-year-old middle school girl.

This sort of thing has been happening since Time Immemorial----adolescent girls going out with slightly older boys. It's because girls mature younger than boys.

In California, if they had sex, it would be illegal. In Iowa, the sex itself would not be illegal

The parents have a right to stop the relationship in either Iowa or California. I feel the guy should just move on.

But he should not be put in the same classification as a 40-year-old man obsessing over a 13-year-old middle school girl.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 07 Mar 2019, 10:41 am, edited 2 times in total.

I thought you standard reply to anyone is that you are not qualified to give out a diagnosis so why do you think it's ok in this instance.

Last edited by envirozentinel on 07 Mar 2019, 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Untoward comments

Call a 16-year-old girl a child----what sort of response would you expect from her? What sort of response would you expect from most parents of a 16-year-old girl?

She is a "minor" in the eyes of the law. This is because she is younger than 18 years of age. But I don't believe the majority of the population of the United States would, common-sensically, consider her a "child."

Depends on the individual. Some 8-year olds hate being called "child", while some 30-somethings hate being called "old" or even "mature".

You are derailing the thread by turning its focus to me. The OP seems to consider the child to belong to him, that her parents have taken her from him, and that the parents are somehow in the wrong for keeping them apart.

Remember the parents? They're the ones who have both the legal and moral obligation to protect their child.

But no, you and at least one moderator are attacking me for being on the side of the parents in their concern for the health, safety and general well-being of their child, and for not supporting an adult male who thinks that he "loves" her.

That's hyperbole, my friend.

I'm on the parents' side, too. I stated their legal rights. I don't believe they are ogres for wanting to protect their daughter.

I'm not attacking YOU. I just don't think "paedophiliac" is the proper label for the guy.

And don't go telling me that I'm "enabling a paedophiliac." Because that's just plain nonsense.

The OP's reaction is similar to one which many people of his age have when they are denied what they perceive as their "one true love." This has happened to me, too. It has happened to many people of that age group.

My advice, consistently, has been that he should "move on." He should not pursue this other person. And, if he still has a desire for this person, to wait until she is 18 years of age.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 07 Mar 2019, 11:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Cubs is not a pedophile for liking a girl nearly 17 years old. It would not be illegal for them to date with parental consent.

But.... Fnord, we all agree that the relationship can't proceed. Everyone agrees that the parents' wishes are valid, that they must be respected, that the girl isn't chattel, that this relationship can't happen, that he needs to move on and that this thread needs to close now.