Do Aspie men tend to like strong women I know I do?

Post Reply New Topic

Thanks. I didn't mean to make you feel personally attacked. I loved every Aspie aspect of my husband. Still do. that's the rub.

A strong, assertive person is the most mentally healthy type there is. They know what they want and how to get it but they are not going to do so at the expense of another person. They will also make an effort for others to get what they want but not at the expense of themselves. An agressive person will get what they want at the expense of anybody who gets in their way and will do nothing for the other person. A passive person leaches off of others and lets others take what they want at their expense. I don't see why prefering strong, assertive women is wrong.

I agree with you, but I think strength & assertiveness should never overshadow one's respect for others. Do you agree that "hard" and "soft" personality traits should balance each other out?

An assertive person shows respect for others and themselves.

Not necessarily, at least according to the definition of assertive. Course, within jargon that aspect may be included.

to answer you OP, I do not. Though that might be due to misconceptions and my upbringing.

Aspie males aren't strong? Every time I dated a alpha chick, it was like two goats locking horns.

Basically when a woman starts getting into my space, tries to tell me what to do, starts nagging, and shows no patience, things start to get ugly in a hurry, and I break it off.

What irrates me is most of the time they at first come off as patient and understanding, then when they get comfortable with you, or get their tallons into you, turn into the She-Beast.

Hi You should both read "Aspergers in Love" and then watch the PBS story about Albert Einstein's personal life. It is all about the frustrations you are feeling. AS's and the NT's who try to have a relationship have a pattern. AS's "have" to be in total control of everything. AS's can't help it. Us NT's can't help what we do either. We are hard wired to love and give, So, we do want payback. Don't think we don't want payback. When we think it is time to be loved, and don't get it from our AS, we can do some pretty awful things. There are classic things we both do. I don't think either of you can avoid falling into this huge trap. Just remember, no matter what you do you are going to be very frustrated and angry no matter what. Sorry, no good news. As my clinical psychologist said, "When you (an AS) have that part of your brain not working it is impossible to be in a relationship, because you do not see, cannot process, nor have a clue how to give back what another person needs. It doesn't even dawn on you that another person might need you for emotional support." But, at the same time, AS people do contribute so much to society as a whole. It is sad that they are the ones who have to be so alone most of the time. Unfortunately, what AS folks don't understand, our NT patience and understanding expects the same in return. We are by far NOT unconditional lovers. We usually have a very low self esteem to start with. We get easily destroyed and controlled by bad treatment. That is OUR problem to deal with. We do get resentfully ugly when we find out ieciprocal love and understanding is never going to happen. I apologize for all of us so called NT's. We haven't got much of a clue either. But as you can see from your rant about tallons and claws, you react harshly to this. I did not know what I was getting into. I would have never, never gotten into the relationship if I knew and understood what I know now. I am so glad AS's are going public and trying to establish help for themselves to get what they need and quit being victims of society. That is a horrible place to be. I've have always liked intellectual nerds. It is a real turn on for me. Just play a game of chess or discuss M theory, and I will be panting and drooling at your side. Guess who my favorite turn on guy in all the CSI shows is?? Yes, the extremely smart AS nerd!! (AS's, that is is true, but it is supposed to lighten the mood, too. I hope you get that)

One curious thing. I made a post to the sports & fitness section about wanting to discuss dogs, hunting, horses, Americn football. Not one response. What does this mean???

That no one is interested in discussing these subjects maybe?

I can't find your post, so I am guessing here, but it is no good to put to much subjects into one post.

As for your post before the last one.

First: try to use some 'Enters' along the way. Long stretches of pure text are hard to read to a lot of aspies.

Second: you seem to fall into the trap of reading to much and seeing to little people. I know a LOT of aspies and only very few of them fall into your description of not knowing how to love and having to control everything. Sure expression is hard and sure a lot of us need some security, but since when do NT's not like control? And on the love part, I can compete with the best, even if my love seems different.
And the idea that normal people are all programmed to love and care seems ridiculous to me. Relationships most of the time from someone who wants to care, they mostly come from just wanting the other one. Which is basically a selfish (shellfish ) emotion, but therefore not bad or anything...

The only obvious time this has happened has been my slight obsession with GI Joe's Baroness.

And she's not real, so I think I'm okay

Physically strong? Not my thing. But mentally, emotionally strong? Strong will? Very attractive.

No offense, but just because you fantasize about a woman dressing you in diapers and changing you doesn't mean other aspies share your tendencies.

Seriously now, I would want a woman who has the right mix of assertiveness and compassion. Women who are too demure are definitely not attractive to me.

Here's a little thing that's annoying:

My dominant/submissive level is directly proportional to how well I know someone. If I'm around a woman that I'm attracted to that I've known for some time, I actually start to take the lead on some things (although I've yet to actually ask anyone out), although my "dominant" side is still not necessarily that dominant (I don't abuse anyone, for instance).

However, when there's a woman I've never met before but I find has attractive qualities, I will not approach at all and try to get out of the situation if I am approached for whatever reason...

My ex husband got in trouble many many times trying to have a relationship. Right before he met me, he was 30 yr old, and thought a very attractive girl at a health food store was making overtures to him. (He bought a lot of health food LOL) His final clue she was interested was when she bent over to get something and he coud see down her blouse and she had no bra on. He made his move, thinking this was her signaling to him to do so.

He was totally wrong and evidently scared the hell out of her. I don't know what happened actually, but I do know his law school roommate had him see a therapist at the school. Or maybe the judge did, who knows. While he was seeing the therapist, who was coaching him is when he met me. That, of course, is another story.

Everybody does stupid things when they are dating. Aspie's don't have a corner on that market. You're more NT than you think. (Joke not an insult) I think where the thinking is wrong, is that Aspies are so sure they are right about being right about what they are seeing and feeling they don't feel a need to leave a graceful back door to get out of a mistake. They end up busting through a wall or worse getting thrown through a wall to get out.

#1 rule You have a right to date, be loved, etc. #2 You aren't any wierder or awkward than anyone else trying to date or be loved #3 Yes, there is someone out there for you, but you are human and have to trial and error like the rest of us.