Living with singleness (and liking it)

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Hence my suggestion to search passively.

Well, that all depends on what you mean by search passively.

First, what is ruling it out completely? Take an analogy to atheism, and I am an atheist. I call myself an atheist because, like Richard Dawkins, I believe it more clearly states for people what I think on the subject than agnostic. Science cannot ever disprove anything, not just God, but also unicorns, fairies, elves, Thor, Zeus, Ra, Russell's Teapot, or The Flying Spaghetti Monster. So if you say you're agnostic, are you giving greater precedence to God of Abraham than you are those other things? Most people when they hear agnostic seem to assume you are. Were they to realize that you are giving equal precedence to possibilities of orbiting teapots in space and pasta-based deities, they'd probably say something like, "Well, just call yourself an atheist then!" So I do.

Similarly, when I say that I am open to the possibility that I may someday be in a relationship, I am equally open to the idea that I may one day develop godlike superpowers or suddenly come into a 50 billion dollar fortune. My hopes increase slightly with me liking what I'm learning about female aspies, but only slightly.

Searching passively, in my case, would mean that I am taking no pains whatsoever to get into a human relationship. Added to reclusiveness, it becomes even more greatly improbable that I will ever be in a relationship. That said, I am passively searching in the sense that if the circumstances to form a relationship happen to fall into my lap without me ever lifting a finger to make that likely, then it happens and I won't actively resist it if it does.

It seems unlikely this is what you mean by searching passively.

-Frank

Well, you're fairly close to the definition of "searching passively" already, but i'll clarify.

Let's look at the grossly oversimplified situation of a man who doesn't necessarily have much luck.

ACTIVE SEARCHING:
Man walks into a bar (doesn't say "why the long face") and looks around. spots woman. walks up to her and makes cheesy joke, then offers to buy her a drink. One day he does this and gets a date.

PASSIVE SEARCHING:
Man walks into a bar for a drink. Sits down, orders drink. No woman approaches him. Man leaves later having enjoyed a drink after a long day. One day he does this and a woman comes over and flirts with him, he gets a date.

NOT SEARCHING:
Man goes home and watches TV. One day he does this and gets a stroke.

Well, my friends I made in college are my connection to the real world and why I care about it to the extent that I do. I suspect if I meet someone, it will be through continued association with them and the social connections they've made. Or getting involved with aspie groups to explore the aspie woman possibilities. That'll be all involved with finding such a group and stuff though and that probably shouldn't happen until I'm in a little more settled, what with me just being in Northwest Arkansas for another year now.

The big variable here is the move to Vegas. When that happens, my whole life will change and for all I know I'll get swept up by a whole slew of social possibilities. Hard to imagine, but possible.

-Frank

!-Kill the sex drive somehow.
2-find a subject, a focus, an obsession, and then dig in and stay that way.
3-find/make/build a home suited to your needs and desires, eventualy you
will need that personal space all to your own as you age, a place at least to call home.

I think you are misguided thinking dating will cure loneliness. Many people are in relationships where they feel lonely and feel they have no one to talk to or relate too. Don't get tv relationships confused with the real world for real relationships suck more than they don't.

My advice if you are lonely is to find local hobby groups, go to the gym or pool, take a class or something to meet people. Make friends. Spending time with a good friend is ten times more fulfilling that spending time with a bitchy girlfriend.

Otherwise I would suggest you read the books on the Law of Attractions where you learn to be positive & interesting therefore attracting other interesting people. Whatever you do stop playing videogames so much because that causes one to have less chance of friends and dates. You just don't meet many folks if you hide out in the livingroom in front of your Playstation all day!

To put it another way, people in relationships are often trapped in a room with a person who is serving in the role traditionally associated with poltregeist squirrel banshees whose sole purpose is to burrow up into your brain through your nose so they may gnaw relentlessly on the part of your brain responsible for processing joy.

-Frank

Warning, Mature subject Matter


the best thing about being past breeding age ( menopause) is the hormones have calmed down. I finally have some peace and companionship is good with my cat. I have the wonder of the internet and all of my WP and Eipsa friends. I have my little dreams of getting a Class A motor home and a scooter to buzz around on. My book is going well and my job is starting to settle down after my last relocation/transfer.

The hormones made me crazy for men. Crazy for them, with them and because of them. I had the hormones for so long I thought they were me. I would find men under rocks somewhere, and think each of them were somehow that long lost heart/soul/mate that was bringing me my glass slipper, forever love, a house and picket fence and a bag of chips. Now, I smile and have a chuckle or two with the guys, but the demon is gone, the monkey that jockeyed me around has taken a powder and is gibbering at other women, now.

And though I would still love a warm and comfy companionship with a man, and know I still have the capacity for 'The Grand Passion'. I am not driven by it any more. Hallelujah!

Ah, Peace.

Merle

So we're all in agreement that I'm not missing much? Brilliant. I fail to see why relationships are so glorified in our entertainment. It's a wonder the human species has managed to survive so long in spite of this crap.

So ties in one of my favorite things about aspies and why the suggestion I am one is pretty easy to swallow.

It's not a matter of us being crazy and the rest of the world being sane. It's more a matter of us being the sane ones in the unfortunate position of having to watch as the inmates run the asylum.

-Frank