90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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aussiebloke
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17 Jan 2010, 8:23 pm

That would have me labeled a "hippie" in conservative parts of the U.S., :lol:



trojan51
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18 Jan 2010, 2:12 am

i think the reason i havent gotten dates is because i feel to scared to approach a girl. a friend of mine told me that if a guy who is rated a certain place on the looks scale tries for a girl around the same 1 to 10 rating, 80% of the time she is willing to get with the guy the study said, but very rarely does the guy have the courage to approach her due to fear of being shot down



AspiRob
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18 Jan 2010, 5:56 am

lewdi28792 wrote:
as for the intro to new boyfriend, i would take it REALLY HARD and then proceed to break his jaw


I did that the last time a chick that knocked me back intro'ed me to her new BF. Contributing factors were......
a) seemed like an appropriare response at the time.
b) the dopey b***h fed me the old, "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" line.
c) she had the gall to rub my face in it by actually intro'ing me to the new BF.
d) the guy was an arrogant, smirking d**khead.
e) I felt better afterwards.

Looking back, I was probably lucky not to have been charged with assault but if I coould have it over again, I wouldn't change a thing.


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AspiRob
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18 Jan 2010, 6:02 am

RICKY5 wrote:
Dude just hire a pro. Gets rid of the mopiness very quickly.

Amen to that!

The two best things about ho's are....
a) the sex is actually good. These chicks get lots of practice.
b) you don't have to put up with a woman when you're not having sex.


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trojan51
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26 Jan 2010, 1:22 am

i think if we actually tried harder, we do better in the dating field



AspiRob
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26 Jan 2010, 3:22 am

trojan51 wrote:
i think if we actually tried harder, we do better in the dating field


If you tried harder, you could run faster in the 100m sprint, too. However, don't be too disappointed if you never do a sub 10 second.


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lotsems
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26 Jan 2010, 3:41 am

Hi folks I'm new here and I was hoping you might be able to help. I recently blew it with a beautiful girl who I know was initially interested. I had invited her to a party, and as soon as I gave her my address and number, I left. This was possibly the moment when she lost interest, because I am sure she would have liked to have chatted and get to know me. I however, was nervous as hell and I couldn't really believe my luck, and I suppose I was in some way "escaping" before I said anything dumb.
This has happened to me before in life and it has caused periods of loneliness which are most unpleasant. I've been reading about Aspergers in Wiki and although it is often self mis-diagnosed by adults I suspect I may have it.
What is particularly annoying is that apart from my "wimpishness" when it comes to talking to attractive women, I'm reasonably successful in the rest of my life. If, for example, my boss tries to give me a hard time he gets it right back. I don't look for trouble but I won't run from a fight. I actually do have a good sense of humour and people like the jokes I tell. I'm not bad looking and women are attracted until they discover this strange bashfulness that I have.
Sure there is the lack of sex, but it is much more than that. I don't want lots of girlfriends. The girl above, well in my fantasies I had us married, and now (because I will see her frequently in the future - she is one of my gym instructors) I have to make her feel at least comfortable in my company, and not feel that I am some sort of loser freak
The day after my party, which she didn't show up to of course, I had to call a friend of mine because I was in such a black and dangerous depression. While I poured my heart out to my (very good and caring) friend, I asked "will someone tell me what I'm doing wrong?"
I suspect it is AS. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Does anyone know of a way of coping with this? It would make my life infinitely richer.



musicboxforever
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26 Jan 2010, 12:00 pm

Lotsems, I don't know. I don't understand either. Sorry, I know that isn't helpful. But I've liked this guy on and off for the past 4 years and he has only ever invited me to a party once. I couldn't go, and I think he thought I didn't like him because of it. But I do. He didn't talk to me much after that. I wasn't really knocking him back though.

I don't know if you should maybe try again.



lotsems
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26 Jan 2010, 7:25 pm

Thanks for your comments musicbox. You have actually made me feel a little better. Just the smallest caring gesture helps.



dancePirateMike
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26 Jan 2010, 8:52 pm

I'm a Single guy and 22.
I have AS, diagnosed in 9th grade.
I'm looking still, I won't give up.


I don't like your post, no offense, it doesn't give inspiration. I'll post one later on.



hale_bopp
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26 Jan 2010, 10:18 pm

lotsems wrote:
Hi folks I'm new here and I was hoping you might be able to help. I recently blew it with a beautiful girl who I know was initially interested. I had invited her to a party, and as soon as I gave her my address and number, I left. This was possibly the moment when she lost interest, because I am sure she would have liked to have chatted and get to know me. I however, was nervous as hell and I couldn't really believe my luck, and I suppose I was in some way "escaping" before I said anything dumb.
This has happened to me before in life and it has caused periods of loneliness which are most unpleasant. I've been reading about Aspergers in Wiki and although it is often self mis-diagnosed by adults I suspect I may have it.
What is particularly annoying is that apart from my "wimpishness" when it comes to talking to attractive women, I'm reasonably successful in the rest of my life. If, for example, my boss tries to give me a hard time he gets it right back. I don't look for trouble but I won't run from a fight. I actually do have a good sense of humour and people like the jokes I tell. I'm not bad looking and women are attracted until they discover this strange bashfulness that I have.
Sure there is the lack of sex, but it is much more than that. I don't want lots of girlfriends. The girl above, well in my fantasies I had us married, and now (because I will see her frequently in the future - she is one of my gym instructors) I have to make her feel at least comfortable in my company, and not feel that I am some sort of loser freak
The day after my party, which she didn't show up to of course, I had to call a friend of mine because I was in such a black and dangerous depression. While I poured my heart out to my (very good and caring) friend, I asked "will someone tell me what I'm doing wrong?"
I suspect it is AS. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Does anyone know of a way of coping with this? It would make my life infinitely richer.


That sounds more like a case of being shy around women - often with aspergers its very hard to talk to anyone.. not just women.



Salonfilosoof
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27 Jan 2010, 10:57 am

hale_bopp wrote:
That sounds more like a case of being shy around women - often with aspergers its very hard to talk to anyone.. not just women.


Obviously.... However it usually gets better with males and lesbians. Seducing straight single women is a completely different skill and in my opinion it's the most difficult to learn social skill around....



dddhgg
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27 Jan 2010, 11:09 am

Salonfilosoof wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
That sounds more like a case of being shy around women - often with aspergers its very hard to talk to anyone.. not just women.


Obviously.... However it usually gets better with males and lesbians. Seducing straight single women is a completely different skill and in my opinion it's the most difficult to learn social skill around....


I think being a really good con artist is harder still.


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Salonfilosoof
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27 Jan 2010, 11:32 am

dddhgg wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
Obviously.... However it usually gets better with males and lesbians. Seducing straight single women is a completely different skill and in my opinion it's the most difficult to learn social skill around....


I think being a really good con artist is harder still.


Let me rephrase : seducing straight single women is a completely different skill and in my opinion it's the most difficult to learn social skill commonly needed.

Seduction is a form of manipulation, by the way, since you're purposely trying to create a specific reaction with a certain individual without the other person being aware of it.



blackjack89
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28 Jan 2010, 10:35 pm

im a 20yr aspie male. i am lucky to be high functioning (iq = 128) and mostly good looking.
in high school my first actual "girlfriend" lasted a few days because I BROKE UP WITH HER because i had no idea what to talk to her about or do with her.
my second, lasted 3 months, we never kissed and she was bipolar.
the one actual relationship ive ever had with a girl lasted 3 years, she had OCD/bipolar, and it was HELL. and i still live in a world of hell from her.

i have an attraction to girls with issues, plain and simple.
most of the time at parties it's easy to calculate what girls will put out and have issues and increase my chances of getting somewhere with them.
NT guys will never understand me because of the girls i go for.
in the NT world i would be considered extremely pathetic i suppose.

i had a major attraction to one girl that i didn't even realize i had until after we stopped talking.
she even spent the night at my house because she was kicked out of hers.
i blow my chances all the time.

now that i am 20yr and out of school, i am at a loss.
no friends, same routines, etc.
not sure where my social/sex life is headed, but wherever it takes me im prepared.

i am one of the lucky aspies that has managed to have multiple sex partners but you have no idea how much of myself ive had to "reprogram" in order to do this.



Salonfilosoof
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29 Jan 2010, 4:19 am

blackjack89 wrote:
im a 20yr aspie male. i am lucky to be high functioning (iq = 128) and mostly good looking.
in high school my first actual "girlfriend" lasted a few days because I BROKE UP WITH HER because i had no idea what to talk to her about or do with her.


Did you actually try kissing and fondling?! :wink:

blackjack89 wrote:
my second, lasted 3 months, we never kissed and she was bipolar.


I usually had sex within the first two weeks. How come you never kissed?!?

blackjack89 wrote:
the one actual relationship ive ever had with a girl lasted 3 years, she had OCD/bipolar, and it was HELL. and i still live in a world of hell from her.


Forget about her. Ignore her. Do not allow her to make your life miserable now you're no longer together.

I had 4 months of paradise and 1 month of hell with my BPD ex. When she broke up with me it felt like my whole world collapsed, but now I'm glad I'm rid of her. Women that are that mentally unstable are simply incapable of maintaining a steady relationship and can ONLY make your life miserable.

blackjack89 wrote:
i have an attraction to girls with issues, plain and simple.


Same here. Women who are somewhat "outsiders" are more likely to connect with us and/or like us and therefore more attractive.

blackjack89 wrote:
most of the time at parties it's easy to calculate what girls will put out and have issues and increase my chances of getting somewhere with them.
NT guys will never understand me because of the girls i go for.
in the NT world i would be considered extremely pathetic i suppose.


I know the feeling.

blackjack89 wrote:
now that i am 20yr and out of school, i am at a loss.
no friends, same routines, etc.
not sure where my social/sex life is headed, but wherever it takes me im prepared.


You seem to have gotten pretty far for an Aspie of 20 yo, so take your time and don't push anything. You'll get where you want sooner than you think.

blackjack89 wrote:
i am one of the lucky aspies that has managed to have multiple sex partners but you have no idea how much of myself ive had to "reprogram" in order to do this.


I've had 6 sex partners including 5 girlfriends (min. 3 months, max. 6 years) and one one-day-stand (with a close friend)..... but I was a virgin until age 19, so you already beat me there :D