Telling OKC dates about ASD PRIOR to meeting

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I never said anything about having the most strict of standards in the world...just that some people including myself have the standard of not wanting to be with someone who would negatively judge them because of what the media says about AS if they mention it on their profile. How is that the most strict standards in the world?

And those very few people are in my opinion more worth knowing than hoards of squares, of course not everyone with a mental condition wants someone with a simular condition and not every NT wants someone with a mental condition. I personally am more intrested in people who have had simular experiances and issues as they might understand more where I am coming from.

I think you're limiting yourself by having a list and high standards. Having expectations too high can be a negative thing as you'll put unfair expectations on your next partner and you need to be open, if two people are open minded, sure they can get along well if one is liberal and the other is a republican but it depends how far you are willing to go with the whole religion/political things. As a rule of thumb, I try to keep religion and politics to a minimum when it comes to personal friendships.

AHA! Thanks for sharing that, because your conclusion indicates that I'm definitely *not* "hot." Phew! Glad to have confirmation of what I already suspected (in spite of some males' insistence to the contrary, over the years).

I refuse to sleep with men I find physically repulsive and intellectually inferior. Guess I might as well give up now, then, right?

I wasn't referring to looks and intellect, I was referring to differences like being liberal or republican, I agree that film and music tastes are important as well as shared activities.

Are you a high standard yourself? Do you see yourself as attractive as the people you approach? Do you spend hours taking care of yourself or going to the gym?

I'm talking about hot younger highly sought after women, it might be different at your age range.

I don't care what folks believe, as long as they don't foist (or force) those beliefs on me. The last guy I (stupidly) found myself with on a long-term basis was a self-harming, sociopathic, alcoholic Satanist. I'm none of those things.

I dunno. Go look at the pics I just posted in that other thread.

I have severe social phobia, and I'm rarely attracted to anyone. Therefore, I don't do much, if any, approaching. I take immense pride in my appearance, to the extent that I can afford to do so.

Do you?

EXCUSE ME. I'm 45, but "read" anywhere between 28-32, or thereabouts, as I'm told regularly. Until I "confessed" my age to my now-former co-workers, they all thought I was at least 10-15 years younger than my chronological age. Be very, very careful, sir.

I have a side question for you. Was the "rarely attracted to anyone" always there, or just as you've gotten older?

It's always been there.

I'm not sure that I can pinpoint exactly when it began, but I can say that I've always been attracted to "pretty"/androgynous/not-overly-"masculine" men (and, I have to admit, androgynous women, too, though I haven't had any sexual relations with females). I had a crush on Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust phase from the time I was a wee lass, and it's just gotten worse over the years (a couple of the guys in Duran Duran when I was 13; Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow; pretty much any skinny, pale dude in "guyliner," etc. ).

I've been into the goth/industrial/electronic scene for over 25 years; when I lived in Chicago and was frequenting the city's preeminent goth establishment, it was extremely easy to find guys to crush on (didn't actually date a lot, even then, because the guys in question rarely approached me. I thought my height was the deterrent, but now I know better ). At least there, there *were* guys I'd have considered dating, based on looks alone...

I see attraction as a subjective factor and it can be dependent on preference, however I do spend hours working out in the gym, following a healthy diet and skin regime. Some people would say that it is vain but it's more of a personal preference.

However in regards to age, I always say people are as young as they feel and I have pretty much dated girls older than me over the past year since they find me to be more mature than my age.

Other than a semi-blind date at age 17, which was one of only two dates I had before the age of 25, and was a setup on the part of my mom and an old high school friend of hers (who just happened to have a very-tall 19-year-old son - yeah, he and I had soooo much in common... ), I've never dated anyone older than myself. It's not something I set out deliberately to do, mind you.

In today's ignorant parlance, I'm known as a "cougar," which I think is erroneous and a little unfair. I'm not predatory in the least, and I don't really "screen" males based on age. As I've already mentioned, I'm rarely attracted to anyone - which, incidentally, does NOT mean that those folks are unattractive, or even that I find them to be unattractive! It's so frakkin' hard to explain - but it always happens that the guys I *am* attracted to are considerably younger than I am.

To be clear, however, I'm most definitely NOT attracted to the physical characteristics (stereo)typical of (Western) male aging - in other words, sagging skin, heavy wrinkling, a "weatherbeaten" appearance, baldness, large amounts of bodyfat, flab, a large gut, excess body hair, poorly-maintained teeth, poor hygiene/body odor, and the like. Therefore, I find most males my age and older repulsive because they look, to me, like old men. *Shudder* There are, of course, exceptions to this, but they're few and far between.

Moreover, I'm socially and emotionally very immature. I think I'm stuck somewhere around 16, because I kind of "stopped" there, for all intents and purposes. Though I've played at being an adult (held some long-term jobs, had my own flats and paid my own rent and bills, worked diligently on being self-reliant, etc.), I've come to terms with the reality that I'll probably never be what I think of as a "real" adult. I think that probably comes across in my demeanor and overall appearance, which may very well put off most males. I have no idea, though, because I never get any feedback from guys in "real life." Makes it hard to learn, grow, and adapt, you know?

I think guys here are just more picky from the outset, are more self-aware, and have a much clearer idea of what they want. I am ambivalent, so I have a lot of false starts and disastrous relationships. I've often decided to compromise on one of my criteria and then changed my mind a short time later, ending in a huge mess. I think my experience is more a sign of mental disorders than it is of success. I think most guys, including most guys on the spectrum, have a LOT better interpersonal skills that translate into a greater ability to (1) get with those to whom they are compatible and (2) stay with them. I'm one of the very worst in the world at both of these things.

So the question then, become, does disclosure help with this, or does it make the problem worse by screening out all but the undesirable girls whom I wouldn't consider dating anyway (except in specific cases, like being bipolar or borderline)?

Thinking more on this today, as I'm currently looking for a job and have a lot of time on my hands...

On the whole, I'm just not interested in most humans. *Shrug* Unless there's something super eye-catching/visually intriguing about people (i.e., "pretty" dudes, or folks whose genders aren't immediately obvious, or they've got a bunch of body mods, or crazy hair, or sport "odd" clothing, etc.), I tend not to even look at most people, let alone desire any sort of interaction with them.

Folks have accused me of being "shallow" all my life, but I don't feel that my particular situation's got anything to do with that. I can't "see" intellect or kindheartedness or open-mindedness or artistic brilliance. I'm drawn to those who catch my eye, for some reason - and those individuals are few and far between, anyway. Assuming that the humans I'm attracted to would also 1. be attracted to me, too, and b. also possess redeeming qualities having nothing whatsoever to do with their appearance is foolish, imho.

I don't think many find the characteristics you listed to be attractive, I'm sure some do but personally I take care of my skin hence why things like laugh lines or wrinkles are barely visible on my face even when I'm clean shaven as I am in my profile picture. I also find a youthful appearance to be attractive in women and I have noticed women on the spectrum appear to be younger than they are so I'm not surprised that people have taken notice of you looking younger. I think most of us on the spectrum are socially and emotionally immature to an extent compared to the average neurotypical person that is easier at processing socially and emotionally but there's also having logical and rationality, that can be a maturity as well.

You don't like guys with wrinkles, that's completely fine and there's nothing wrong with having a set standard. Let's just say I receive attention from the opposite sex, I just got a message on plenty of fish saying this
"Looking at your profile I don't know if I could cope with the number of girls swooning over you lol x"

Haha, nice! \m/

Sounds to me like you've got nothing to worry about, then.