Do most men on WP hate women?
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,184
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
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After posting here for a few months, I've decided that many of the men on this board have some Serious issues with women in general. Probably this comes from bad experiences? I don't know. I didn't cause them.
I have been posting here for a few months, & I don't mind saying that a lot of the attitudes here have simply put me off. I'm beginning to see men as a group as being really hostile to women & That's Not Good for me or maybe even for single women who read this board. I'd like to think that this board doesn't represent the views of most men, on or off the spectrum.
Unfortunately, it seems to be pretty toxic, & toxic to the extent that it's beginning to colour my attitude. If can't read this stuff ($#!+) anymore. Not if I want to continue to like men as a group & as individuals.
Do any of you, 'Nice" & otherwise realize how completely NUTZ many of you sound blaming women & feminists & NT women as a group for all your problems?
Apologies to the men & women here who are fair & have a balanced viewpoint. This board needs you BADLY!!

To that lil' local group of aspie PUA wannabees that decided to dehumanize me & make me into a game piece this past Summer. Well, thanks for that..


To the Leader of the pack -Yup, I really did like you until you became a major part of the problem & you know what they say. "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem." I don't know what the 'rules' where in that game. All I know is: Rebels aren't pawns. If you want to Pizz Off a rebel, just try & play them. Maybe

'Maybe see you WP folks later? I don't know.

Thank you for this post.
I have been avoiding posting for awhile because of this. It ends of just being exhausting and frustrating, wading through the endless nice guy and poor men threads.
I would just like to say....
PLEASE WOULD YOU GUYS STOP POSTING THIS SELF INDULGENT CRAP!! !! !! !
OTHERWISE, SOON THIS FORUM WILL ONLY BE HOME TO A BUNCH OF BITTER OLD MEN CONSTANTLY POSTING INANE REASONS AS TO HOW IT IS SOMEHOW ALL WOMENS FAULT THAT THEY ARE LONELY AND MISERABLE TO EACH OTHER.
AN UNENDING CIRCLE JERK OF SELF PITY.
TRY TALKING ABOUT WOMEN WITHOUT THE ATTITUDE THAT THEY ARE THE FONT OF ALL SUFFERING!! !! !! !! !! !
_________________
Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does
This part - "the situation" - I can fully identify with.. I'm through it now, but I've certainly felt this way at various stages in my life. Most of my teenage years, and also during some of the dark periods of depression in my late 20s and 30s.
However this part - your conclusion - I'm afraid is way off the mark.
I can tell you from first hand experience this is just not true.
From my late 20s and early 30s My career was going well.. I owned a cool flat in a very desirable part of London with movie star neighbours, I had a money, a fancy sports car, prospects.. everything that you're saying women look for... and yet I was single through that entire time... obsessing over my unrequited for a girl who obviously liked me, but as a friend and nothing more. I was confused and frustrated.
Then things started to go really badly.. I lost everything, the car, the flat, my career and my money through some very poor decisions, and spent the next 3 years failing at just about everything I tried.. finally hitting rock bottom about 3 years ago. Broke, unemployed, nearly 40, living on welfare in a leaky flat in a rough part of London. and without any idea at all what I could do to support myself, let alone get back to a position of security and comfort. I thought I'd never be happy again, let alone meet someone and have a normal life.
Out of desperation to get some sort of human contact, I set myself a challenge.. to go on meetup.com and pick the meetups that were as far from my normal areas of interest as possible. And it was one of those, that I met my current partner. Right from the outset I didn't try to hide my financial situation.. she knew I was literally starting again from scratch, but it didn't matter to her. A month or so later I did get a job, but then got made redundant, and now I'm self employed and working on startup. I'm still broke, I still can't afford to take her out for a meal, my yearly clothing budget is whatever i get in gift vouchers from family at Xmas (around £150 / $250 dollars ), and still struggle to eat a proper diet, but despite having nothing, we've got closer and closer.
So what is it that attracted her? I think a few factors.
1. I never complained or blamed anyone else for my situation. Yes, the credit crunch was a big part of it, and I could easily blame bankers, the government etc, but I don't. I made my own decisions - nobody forced me to take stupid risks I couldn't afford, and take full responsibility for the fact I made bad choices. Women like men who take personal responsibility for their actions. It shows we're emotionally mature.
2. I never gave up. even at my bleakest moments, I looked for solutions.. ( e.g, the meetup challenge I set myself ). Women like men who never give up, despite the odds. It shows we're fighters and won't give up on them or our potential offspring if life gets tough
3. I didn't try to pretend, or hide my real situation. Women like honesty. It shows they can trust us
4. As men, our job is to provide and protect. I couldn't provide material things, and I still can't (yet!), but I can provide my attention, my time, my willingness to try to understand her, my ideas to help her solve her problems, and my humour to cheer her up when she's down herself. Women can work and pay for the material things themselves these days, but there's still plenty of things that only you can provide.
The point I'm trying to make with all this is that money, material goods, fancy cars etc. has absolutely NOTHING to do with it. You have everything you need to attracted women already. You just need to find it in yourself. I promise you it's in there... hardwired into your very being.. You just need to declutter your head and clear out some of the false conclusions and assumptions that are getting in the way.
( and no, I don't look like Justin Timberlake either!

I never thought about it like that, I guess I can give it a shot I don't have much to lose I suppose, I tend to lack confidence and get too paranoid at times and its not their fault it is mine. I suppose if another woman approaches me with an offer I should give her a chance. I have changed jobs and now work afternoons instead of graveyard shift interacting with lots of people so I can be more social. Maybe there will be a chance I wont grow up to be a grumpy old man. Its just most women prefer a man who has a car and me being without a car for two years odds had added up against me but i will still push forward I just know this I am saving up for another car I am going to buy it for me and not to try to get a woman to like me, I just like to drive its fun I feel free to go where I please as long as I have the gas to do so.
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
Last edited by AspieOtaku on 25 Mar 2014, 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
An example of said frustration as follows.
Girl says she's looking for X, Y, Z. Guy thinks he offer this girl what she claims to be looking for, tries to be the hero/knight in shining armour. Girl rejects him sometimes throwing his efforts straight back in his face hence coming across as ungrateful. Guy gets pissed off because he doesn't know where he went wrong. Girl then complains 2 weeks later she can't find anyone decent/genuine and nobody likes her for who she is. Rinse and repeat cycle.

This would usually mean one of two things.
1. You're not doing a good enough job creating attraction for her (she doesn't find you attractive).
2. Attraction wasn't the issue, it was just her personality and she actually does treat men like crap and thinks she deserves a good man (even though she doesn't if this is the case).
_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Both genders want a person to share their lives with - someone who thinks they are special, cares about them, and supports them. It's not just men who struggle with finding this person. Blaming the other gender for perceived universal traits just isolates a person. Everyone's in the same boat.
_________________
People are strange, when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone.
Morrison/Krieger

After posting here for a few months, I've decided that many of the men on this board have some Serious issues with women in general. Probably this comes from bad experiences? I don't know. I didn't cause them.
I have been posting here for a few months, & I don't mind saying that a lot of the attitudes here have simply put me off. I'm beginning to see men as a group as being really hostile to women & That's Not Good for me or maybe even for single women who read this board. I'd like to think that this board doesn't represent the views of most men, on or off the spectrum.
Unfortunately, it seems to be pretty toxic, & toxic to the extent that it's beginning to colour my attitude. If can't read this stuff ($#!+) anymore. Not if I want to continue to like men as a group & as individuals.
Do any of you, 'Nice" & otherwise realize how completely NUTZ many of you sound blaming women & feminists & NT women as a group for all your problems?
Apologies to the men & women here who are fair & have a balanced viewpoint. This board needs you BADLY!!

To that lil' local group of aspie PUA wannabees that decided to dehumanize me & make me into a game piece this past Summer. Well, thanks for that..


To the Leader of the pack -Yup, I really did like you until you became a major part of the problem & you know what they say. "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem." I don't know what the 'rules' where in that game. All I know is: Rebels aren't pawns. If you want to Pizz Off a rebel, just try & play them. Maybe

'Maybe see you WP folks later? I don't know.


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
Oh boo hoo and poppycock. You could have a girlfriend in a heartbeat if you really wanted to, but you don't want to risk getting hurt so you keep blaming your reticence on women's fussiness. At least man up enough to admit you are being a wuss and that's the only reason you are not dating right now.
Indeed, as leafplant said, you can't keep blaming women's fussiness on you not succeeding.
If you want a successful high wage job, you have to work for it, High wage jobs come with QUALIFICATIONS. Moaning you have none is never going to help the situation. Work to have your own shop or something, or a cafe, if you're not a pen and paper type of person.
As for driving skills, try and learn.
I thought I would never pass, having awful concentration and self-esteem issues, and always getting flusttered, but I did it. It took me 2 years of learning, and 4 driving tests at £150 each, but I finally did it.
Driving skill is appealing not only to a woman, (you'd be able to drive your woman around, and your children) but it would also appeal to a high wage job.
If you don't look great, work on your looks. Go to a hairdresser, not a barbers, and ask for a style, ask what's current at the moment.
Work out at the gym.
Eat better food.
Look in clothes shops for new clothes. If you don't know how to put outfits together, take ideas from what other people are wearing around you the same age as you, or same build. Take ideas from the mannequins in the windows. Look through some celebrity magazines, and see what respectable men are wearing.
ugh, some people can work super hard, do every thing right and still not get there.
I did, I should be working a $17 job right now, but its not how life works. hard work/degrees/loyalty/etc don't matter here what does is knowing the boss. as for doing my own place, wheres the start up money going come from?
I can't afford the other stuff, haircuts, gym, healty food, clothes. not to mention I want comfy hair and clothes that make me feel happy not women.
at least in my area you need good paying job, own place, nice car, athletic, and handsome to get their interest. It doesn't mean you'd get a date or gf, but They don't want messages unless you meet all that "so if you don't, don't bother messaging me" <---
I get virturally rejected before even having a chance, I just wish they'd list that first so I wouldn't waste my time and get my hopes up just to be shutdown at the bottom of a long profile.
so again I don't hate women but its not my fault most have become super picky and like the rest of the stuff with me generation believe they indebted such a fantastic guy. but I hope they find him I guess. I'm just lonely trash though. :'(
I worked hard, I tried and I failed, so nope I don't know what I'm going do with my life, everything was planed for my goals but here I stand at the end of the yellow brick road with nothing but a hole in the ground. is like my 4 life plan, so I have minimalistic life plan now of just getting any job. tech have one but the women in my area don't see it as a job. I don't know about women out of my area though except the women i've talked to from Canada, they seem to be far far more accepting of my situation.
my point being is it isn't as easy as you all think and even if you work your butt off its still doesn't mean you will get anywhere like you trying to run away on a treadmill.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,451
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
An example of said frustration as follows.
Girl says she's looking for X, Y, Z. Guy thinks he offer this girl what she claims to be looking for, tries to be the hero/knight in shining armour. Girl rejects him sometimes throwing his efforts straight back in his face hence coming across as ungrateful. Guy gets pissed off because he doesn't know where he went wrong. Girl then complains 2 weeks later she can't find anyone decent/genuine and nobody likes her for who she is. Rinse and repeat cycle.

It is all based on the fact that you get cooties when you are around her.
They think we can hang out and then they feel disgusted when they see we get cooties.
Happens to every one of us.
It was discussed on my earlier post on this subject
Maybe my body hair is nesting colonies of these damn cooties.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX8rxym_zaQ[/youtube]I know at times it might seem like this.
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList
This would usually mean one of two things.
1. You're not doing a good enough job creating attraction for her (she doesn't find you attractive).
2. Attraction wasn't the issue, it was just her personality and she actually does treat men like crap and thinks she deserves a good man (even though she doesn't if this is the case).
There are quite a few other possibilities too.
3. She has different interests, dreams for the future, or outlook on life. Nobody's at fault, you're just not compatible, and she happened to notice this before you did.
4. You were trying too hard to prove yourself. This may leaving her thinking. "Ok, that's the person he's trying to make me think he is, but I'm not seeing the real him". How can she fall for you when she can't see the real you?
5. You're expressing too strong an interest, when you don't know anything about her yet. You're basically sending the message that you're only after one thing.
6. She hasn't expressed interest in you or flirted with you first. In approaching her or suddenly expressing interest, you actually sending the message "I don't care about your feelings, I only care about what I can get from you". You've denied her right to choose a mate for herself, un-pressured by you. That's your classic "creepy".
7. She hasn't had a chance to observe you without you knowing. She needs to know what you're really like when you're not tying to impress anyone, because that's the person you'll be throughout a relationship.
8. You're come across as too needy and desperate. Huge turn off. She doesn't want to be your mother substitute.
9. You've told her what what kind of person you are, hoping she'll give you a chance to prove it with your actions. Sorry.. it doesn't work like that. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words.
The fact is, and this is something many (most?) men don't get... women usually want to be the one to make the first move. But they do it subtly.
Women don't do pick-up. They do come-ons, and if they haven't sent you any come-ons, they're just not interested. You'll be wasting your time, and more importantly, you'll be making them uncomfortable at best.
What does this mean in practice? It means stop trying to so damn hard! Forget about dating. Get on with doing your thing.. improving yourself for your own benefit. Build something. Fight a cause you care about. Volunteer for charity. Help little old ladies. Absolutely you have to get out and be around people.. You'll never meet someone stuck in your room playing on the internet, but when you are out, put all your energies into being a better person and doing more good in the world.. NOT chasing girls. Let the right girl choose you!
_________________
AQ:37 FQ:105 ENTP
Your Aspie score: 141 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 78 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
I admit I only read about a page and a half of the posts in this thread, but it just seemed like the same theme on repeat.
I get along with women just fine. 95% of my friends are female as well. But then I don't get along with guys for the most part. Most are testosterone induced and thinking with the wrong brain (not all mind you but enough that it gets old). As far as I am concerned both sides have to make a concerted effort to learn about each other. Guys, just because a one or a small handful of ladies hurt you doesn't mean they are all that way. And Gals, all you are seeing is the most vocal of the males brooding over their failures and not owning up to them. Face it, not everyone is going to like each other. ASD or no, we all have our differences but this thread seems like all that is coming from it is this --->
Maybe take this thread a different direction and try to understand one another? That might be a novel idea.
6. She hasn't expressed interest in you or flirted with you first. In approaching her or suddenly expressing interest, you actually sending the message "I don't care about your feelings, I only care about what I can get from you". You've denied her right to choose a mate for herself, un-pressured by you. That's your classic "creepy".
7. She hasn't had a chance to observe you without you knowing. She needs to know what you're really like when you're not tying to impress anyone, because that's the person you'll be throughout a relationship.
I actually had something written, but then the computer stallled after clicking "submit" I already observed a lot of what you said through experience and through understanding reading materials as well. But the experience paid off with 6:
I watched my girlfriend give a come on to another guy one night when we were at a group gathering a few weeks after we had met. I was ready to call it a loss and move on as I could tell the guy was picking up on it. To my surprise, she turned down that guy for a ride at the end of the night when it was time to go home and asked me to take her instead. I didn't know why she did that at the time, and this was the cue I needed to ask her out on a real date after as we weren't dating yet. The decision to ask paid off.

as for number 7, observing you gives a person a chance to see how much respect others have for you and how much self-respect you have. To any girl who would like the best way to observe:
If your man is a soccer/footy referee, go and watch one of his games without telling him that you are observing his officating. You will see what he will and will not put up with

_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
This part - "the situation" - I can fully identify with.. I'm through it now, but I've certainly felt this way at various stages in my life. Most of my teenage years, and also during some of the dark periods of depression in my late 20s and 30s.
However this part - your conclusion - I'm afraid is way off the mark.
I can tell you from first hand experience this is just not true.
From my late 20s and early 30s My career was going well.. I owned a cool flat in a very desirable part of London with movie star neighbours, I had a money, a fancy sports car, prospects.. everything that you're saying women look for... and yet I was single through that entire time... obsessing over my unrequited for a girl who obviously liked me, but as a friend and nothing more. I was confused and frustrated.
Then things started to go really badly.. I lost everything, the car, the flat, my career and my money through some very poor decisions, and spent the next 3 years failing at just about everything I tried.. finally hitting rock bottom about 3 years ago. Broke, unemployed, nearly 40, living on welfare in a leaky flat in a rough part of London. and without any idea at all what I could do to support myself, let alone get back to a position of security and comfort. I thought I'd never be happy again, let alone meet someone and have a normal life.
Out of desperation to get some sort of human contact, I set myself a challenge.. to go on meetup.com and pick the meetups that were as far from my normal areas of interest as possible. And it was one of those, that I met my current partner. Right from the outset I didn't try to hide my financial situation.. she knew I was literally starting again from scratch, but it didn't matter to her. A month or so later I did get a job, but then got made redundant, and now I'm self employed and working on startup. I'm still broke, I still can't afford to take her out for a meal, my yearly clothing budget is whatever i get in gift vouchers from family at Xmas (around £150 / $250 dollars ), and still struggle to eat a proper diet, but despite having nothing, we've got closer and closer.
So what is it that attracted her? I think a few factors.
1. I never complained or blamed anyone else for my situation. Yes, the credit crunch was a big part of it, and I could easily blame bankers, the government etc, but I don't. I made my own decisions - nobody forced me to take stupid risks I couldn't afford, and take full responsibility for the fact I made bad choices. Women like men who take personal responsibility for their actions. It shows we're emotionally mature.
2. I never gave up. even at my bleakest moments, I looked for solutions.. ( e.g, the meetup challenge I set myself ). Women like men who never give up, despite the odds. It shows we're fighters and won't give up on them or our potential offspring if life gets tough
3. I didn't try to pretend, or hide my real situation. Women like honesty. It shows they can trust us
4. As men, our job is to provide and protect. I couldn't provide material things, and I still can't (yet!), but I can provide my attention, my time, my willingness to try to understand her, my ideas to help her solve her problems, and my humour to cheer her up when she's down herself. Women can work and pay for the material things themselves these days, but there's still plenty of things that only you can provide.
The point I'm trying to make with all this is that money, material goods, fancy cars etc. has absolutely NOTHING to do with it. You have everything you need to attracted women already. You just need to find it in yourself. I promise you it's in there... hardwired into your very being.. You just need to declutter your head and clear out some of the false conclusions and assumptions that are getting in the way.
( and no, I don't look like Justin Timberlake either!

So much this!
These are the things that attracted me to my late fiance. He was in a horrible situation, finance-wise, when we met. What Pete posted could have been a checklist for his life at the time we met, except that he was 58, and a lot of his bad situation resulted from a divorce he didn't want, so he essentially let his ex-wife have everything. What he had (or didn't have), financially speaking, mattered not one crap to me. He had HIMSELF to offer, and that was more than enough for me.
If you ignore these people, don't acknowledge them, they'll move on.
I was bullied throughout my school life, you're not the only person that's been bullied. I'd say 99% of this forum have been bullied, because we're 'different'.
I still get bullied and trolled online now, it's just what happens, and there's nothing you can do except ignore them. I've been stalked online, called out in random threads when I've not posted for ages and targeted for my mental health, you name it.
If they are bullying you online, report it to the moderators. Don't engage or acknowledge these people publicly.
I hear you Wind! I had only 2 years of elementary & high school that were not Hell. My Mom moved to the City from the 'Burbs during those 2 years & I actually did fit in for a change. Then she moved back to the 'Burbs & it was back to being picked on again. At least my post secondary was pleasant!

My daughter was beaten so badly in senior kindergarten & Gr. 1, that we ended up taking her out of public school & going to a private school. She was pretty happy there, & the year after she went back into public school with a lot of her friends from the private school, she had a great year! When we moved to this lil' outpost of Hell, it was back to being bullied again, & back into another private school. She still has a lot of severe anxiety in social situations & crowds, as do I. (it's worse now than it ever was.)
I find that if I go 10 minutes in any direction from where I live, I have good conversations & pleasant interactions with people. It's the area. You get slagged on so many fronts for no reason & people just "make assumptions" about you. I wish the chronic gossips, liars, & religious bigots would just STFU attend to their own business, if they actually Have Any!
I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, Wind. Don't let them get to you.
Anyway, I'm gone from here, & probably for good. I will miss a lot of the people here.
If you ignore these people, don't acknowledge them, they'll move on.
I was bullied throughout my school life, you're not the only person that's been bullied. I'd say 99% of this forum have been bullied, because we're 'different'.
I still get bullied and trolled online now, it's just what happens, and there's nothing you can do except ignore them. I've been stalked online, called out in random threads when I've not posted for ages and targeted for my mental health, you name it.
If they are bullying you online, report it to the moderators. Don't engage or acknowledge these people publicly.
************************
I hear you Wind! I had only 2 years of elementary & high school that were not Hell. My Mom moved to the City from the 'Burbs during those 2 years & I actually did fit in for a change. Then she moved back to the 'Burbs & it was back to being picked on again. At least my post secondary education was pleasant!

My daughter was beaten so badly in senior kindergarten & Gr. 1, that we ended up taking her out of public school & going to a private school. She was pretty happy there, & the year after she went back into public school with a lot of her friends from the private school, she had a great year!
When we moved to this lil' outpost of Hell, it was back to being bullied again, & back into another private school. As an adult, she still has a lot of severe anxiety in social situations & crowds, as do I.
(it's worse now than it ever was.)
I find that if I go 10 minutes in any direction from where I live, I have good conversations & pleasant interactions with people.
. It's the area. You get slagged on so many fronts for no reason & people just "make assumptions" about you. I wish the chronic gossips, liars, & religious bigots would just STFU attend to their own business, if they actually Have Any! It's a self perpetuating thing. The more you get 'put on', the more people there are who think they can treat you badly because of what they 'hear".
I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, Wind.

Anyway, I'm gone from here, & probably for good. I have a feeling that I may be being 'observed ' here.

I will miss a lot of the people here.

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