Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Men and Women - does not compute?

Page 4 of 5 [ 73 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Archdevilius
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 127

28 Mar 2014, 12:03 am

starvingartist wrote:
Archdevilius wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Archdevilius wrote:
leafplant wrote:
I am very glad for you both. However I think it is misleading to suggest to people that what has worked for you will work for them - because while it might, it also might not. All people are different, as you say, age is just a number, so it doesn't mean that all women in their 30s will be as you describe.


That's what I'm saying, age shouldn't matter, it's just a number.

I have always found older women to be more forgiving, understanding, patient and tolerant towards any differences caused by my Autism but if someone finds that in a younger person, good for them.


Sure, that sounds great but I am wondering, as an older lady, what would be my incentive for dating a toy boy?


There are many reasons, some want to feel younger, some prefer being the mentor, some prefer the higher energy and sex drive in the bedroom and some prefer that younger men aren't yet bitter or jaded in their attitudes towards women.

https://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/7-reas ... 00697.html


except for the ones that have been watching hard core porn online since they were 11 and think real women are supposed to look like porn stars, should be willing to have anal sex, be abused, berated, and willing to take a "money shot" in the face as well as any number of other indignities.

other than those guys, sure.


Older men can be abusive also, it just depends on their upbringing and childhood but it can happen due to a number of reasons like alcoholism or drug abuse. I am a younger man and I have never been into porn because it lacks connection and emotional intimacy between people.h



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 12:16 am

Archdevilius wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
Archdevilius wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Archdevilius wrote:
leafplant wrote:
I am very glad for you both. However I think it is misleading to suggest to people that what has worked for you will work for them - because while it might, it also might not. All people are different, as you say, age is just a number, so it doesn't mean that all women in their 30s will be as you describe.


That's what I'm saying, age shouldn't matter, it's just a number.

I have always found older women to be more forgiving, understanding, patient and tolerant towards any differences caused by my Autism but if someone finds that in a younger person, good for them.


Sure, that sounds great but I am wondering, as an older lady, what would be my incentive for dating a toy boy?


There are many reasons, some want to feel younger, some prefer being the mentor, some prefer the higher energy and sex drive in the bedroom and some prefer that younger men aren't yet bitter or jaded in their attitudes towards women.

https://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/7-reas ... 00697.html


except for the ones that have been watching hard core porn online since they were 11 and think real women are supposed to look like porn stars, should be willing to have anal sex, be abused, berated, and willing to take a "money shot" in the face as well as any number of other indignities.

other than those guys, sure.


Older men can be abusive also, it just depends on their upbringing and childhood but it can happen due to a number of reasons like alcoholism or drug abuse. I am a younger man and I have never been into porn because it lacks connection and emotional intimacy between people.h


exactly. hence, no dating.



leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

28 Mar 2014, 2:50 am

em_tsuj wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
em_tsuj wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
leafplant wrote:
starvingartist wrote:

except for the ones that have been watching hard core porn online since they were 11 and think real women are supposed to look like porn stars, should be willing to have anal sex, be abused, berated, and willing to take a "money shot" in the face as well as any number of other indignities.

other than those guys, sure.


Is there some way to tell those guys from afar? Or some test you could give them that exposes them for that type of person, because I suspect most of those guys like to pretend they are regular kind of guys and then slowly bit by bit try to persuade you into allowing more and more stuff you are not comfortable with..


i wish there was some "tell"--then maybe i wouldn't feel it necessary to avoid dating altogether.


You can't tell by comments they make about women? I'm thinking specifically about guys who see sex as power. What about guys who can't respect boundaries (throw a fit about non-sex related stuff). What about guys who can't communicate outside the bedroom (probably the type of guy who will assume that you like porn sex because it never occurs to them to ask you what you want or how what they are doing feels).


it's more that i'm not willing to sort through all the a**holes to get to a decent one--i don't trust anyone enough to even start looking. also, people lie. a lot. especially if they want something from you.


That sucks. I understand, from personal experience, having that mentality. I wish it wasn't that way though. I'm not trying to hit on you or anything but it seems like a loss for us guys, you taking yourself off the market.

Are guys really that bad (meaning they don't learn over time how to love women instead of using the same old tired tricks in order to dominate them)? This is not a rhetorical question. I'm just now picking up on why women put up all these walls when being approached. It used to piss me off (guilty until proven innocent type of thing). Now I think about their past experience and accept the fact that I have to prove myself.


Unfortunately everyone has to do this. Men and women. We women always have to prove we are not gold diggers or naggers or someone who will stop him from going out with his friends or a cheater or any number of things that burned the man in the past.

Those who get pissed off by other people not making getting what they want from them easier are already proving themselves to be first class a**holes.



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 4:24 am

leafplant wrote:
Those who get pissed off by other people not making getting what they want from them easier are already proving themselves to be first class a**holes.


i don't understand this.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,451
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

28 Mar 2014, 4:46 am

[quote="starvingartist"][/quote]

Regarding anal and facial, what would you say about women who love anal and facial? Are these porn zombies too? Are they full of indignities?

I hate the whole idea of anal but I knew a woman who was crazy about it (and those are plenty), she even preferred it over vaginal sex, and I knew another who was crazy about facial.



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 5:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
starvingartist wrote:


Regarding anal and facial, what would you say about women who love anal and facial? Are these porn zombies too? Are they full of indignities?

I hate the whole idea of anal but I knew a woman who was crazy about it (and those are plenty), she even preferred it over vaginal sex, and I knew another who was crazy about facial.


i don't know about that. i only know how i feel about it. to me they are indignities because of the intentions behind them (to dominate, to humiliate, etc). some people like being dominated and humiliated, and if that works for them then whatever, it's none of my business. i just know that i don't like or want it in my life, and that's all i need to know.



leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

28 Mar 2014, 5:04 am

starvingartist wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Those who get pissed off by other people not making getting what they want from them easier are already proving themselves to be first class a**holes.


i don't understand this.


I don't understand what it is you don't understand?

em_tsuj said:
" I'm just now picking up on why women put up all these walls when being approached. It used to piss me off (guilty until proven innocent type of thing). "


being pissed off at something like that shows someone is already an a**hole

Do you not agree?

(now em_tsuj is reformed though, and presumably no longer an a**hole)

Edit: let me qualify: when I meet a guy and he is reticent to commit because of bad experiences in the past, I don't feel pissed off; if I like the guy, I feel sorry for him and slightly for myself that this will be harder work but I would never feel pissed off - I mean what right do I have to demand not to be inconvenienced by other people's emotional baggage?



Archdevilius
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 127

28 Mar 2014, 5:17 am

starvingartist wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
starvingartist wrote:


Regarding anal and facial, what would you say about women who love anal and facial? Are these porn zombies too? Are they full of indignities?

I hate the whole idea of anal but I knew a woman who was crazy about it (and those are plenty), she even preferred it over vaginal sex, and I knew another who was crazy about facial.


i don't know about that. i only know how i feel about it. to me they are indignities because of the intentions behind them (to dominate, to humiliate, etc). some people like being dominated and humiliated, and if that works for them then whatever, it's none of my business. i just know that i don't like or want it in my life, and that's all i need to know.


It seems your perspective has been jaded from negative experiences, perhaps you would enjoy being the dominant one in a relationship?



Archdevilius
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 127

28 Mar 2014, 5:25 am

A lot of older women prefer younger men also because we provide a more modern and open perspective on people instead of demanding that a woman should be one way or the other, demanding that she should be home bound or maternal. Younger men also have more open views on equality in a relationship, we have more modern views whereas an older jaded, bitter man might be more abusive. That's why we are now seeing so many older women with younger men, in the celebrity eye and in every day society.



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 3:24 pm

leafplant wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Those who get pissed off by other people not making getting what they want from them easier are already proving themselves to be first class a**holes.


i don't understand this.


I don't understand what it is you don't understand?

em_tsuj said:
" I'm just now picking up on why women put up all these walls when being approached. It used to piss me off (guilty until proven innocent type of thing). "


being pissed off at something like that shows someone is already an as*hole

Do you not agree?

(now em_tsuj is reformed though, and presumably no longer an as*hole)

Edit: let me qualify: when I meet a guy and he is reticent to commit because of bad experiences in the past, I don't feel pissed off; if I like the guy, I feel sorry for him and slightly for myself that this will be harder work but I would never feel pissed off - I mean what right do I have to demand not to be inconvenienced by other people's emotional baggage?


ohhhh, ok, i just didn't understand your wording--yes, i do agree with that.



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 3:26 pm

Archdevilius wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
starvingartist wrote:


Regarding anal and facial, what would you say about women who love anal and facial? Are these porn zombies too? Are they full of indignities?

I hate the whole idea of anal but I knew a woman who was crazy about it (and those are plenty), she even preferred it over vaginal sex, and I knew another who was crazy about facial.


i don't know about that. i only know how i feel about it. to me they are indignities because of the intentions behind them (to dominate, to humiliate, etc). some people like being dominated and humiliated, and if that works for them then whatever, it's none of my business. i just know that i don't like or want it in my life, and that's all i need to know.


It seems your perspective has been jaded from negative experiences, perhaps you would enjoy being the dominant one in a relationship?


no. i like equal partnerships, companions who have no power over me and i have no power over them. is that so strange?



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 3:27 pm

Archdevilius wrote:
A lot of older women prefer younger men also because we provide a more modern and open perspective on people instead of demanding that a woman should be one way or the other, demanding that she should be home bound or maternal. Younger men also have more open views on equality in a relationship, we have more modern views whereas an older jaded, bitter man might be more abusive. That's why we are now seeing so many older women with younger men, in the celebrity eye and in every day society.


got any evidence to support that? because i would question it.



em_tsuj
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

28 Mar 2014, 5:45 pm

starvingartist wrote:
i like equal partnerships, companions who have no power over me and i have no power over them. is that so strange?


Yes, it is strange.



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 5:47 pm

em_tsuj wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
i like equal partnerships, companions who have no power over me and i have no power over them. is that so strange?


Yes, it is strange.


then i guess i'm strange. who'd have guessed? :lol:



Archdevilius
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 127

28 Mar 2014, 5:49 pm

starvingartist wrote:
Archdevilius wrote:
A lot of older women prefer younger men also because we provide a more modern and open perspective on people instead of demanding that a woman should be one way or the other, demanding that she should be home bound or maternal. Younger men also have more open views on equality in a relationship, we have more modern views whereas an older jaded, bitter man might be more abusive. That's why we are now seeing so many older women with younger men, in the celebrity eye and in every day society.


got any evidence to support that? because i would question it.


The evidence is in the increasing number of women going for younger men, in films, in shows like Desperate housewives, in the public eye, there is something very appealing about a younger man and part of it is that the woman is the mentor.



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

28 Mar 2014, 5:53 pm

Archdevilius wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
Archdevilius wrote:
A lot of older women prefer younger men also because we provide a more modern and open perspective on people instead of demanding that a woman should be one way or the other, demanding that she should be home bound or maternal. Younger men also have more open views on equality in a relationship, we have more modern views whereas an older jaded, bitter man might be more abusive. That's why we are now seeing so many older women with younger men, in the celebrity eye and in every day society.


got any evidence to support that? because i would question it.


The evidence is in the increasing number of women going for younger men, in films, in shows like Desperate housewives, in the public eye, there is something very appealing about a younger man and part of it is that the woman is the mentor.


that's not actually evidence, it's circular reasoning--but it doesn't matter. that's great for those older women, but they're not me. i choose not to date younger or older men, and that's my prerogative.