Is having a job important in a relationship?If so, why?

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Love your last paragraph, good stuff.

I'm a career musician, and what determines monetary success in music is being open to all avenues of music-making, willingness to be flexible, willingness to find money in unconventional (but legal) ways, and just raw persistence. I'm not too proud to say I'm perpetually broke. But I'm very proud to say I've been fortunate enough this year to spread some of the extra wealth around. I've earned bonuses for extra responsibilities I've taken during a transition period while we've been searching for a permanent replacement for an upper level job. Thing is, being a temporary thing, the bonuses give us (my family) an unrealistic view of how much money we can live on. So almost without exception I've put the money into purchases and projects that build up the group of musicians I work with: sheet music for the choir (to bypass approval from the higher-ups), "gifts" for the volunteer band that sacrificed half a week to help me work up a Christmas concert. Generosity goes a long way with people.

I think a realistic of money and it's value are key. Yes, you must absolutely love what you do--so much you'll do your job whether you get paid or not. I play in a band with guys that are more about the money--and we are well-paid. I derive my sense of importance from playing to large groups of people. Money has nothing to do with it. All it does is pay for fuel, vehicle and equipment maintenance, and the occasional meal. Anything else goes to the emergency fund, which covers any out of the ordinary unforseeable like tire blowouts and health care deductibles (fund is currently at just over $2k).

I'm not saying you can't have a relationship on the cheap or even on the free. We were homeless at one point and managed to power through it. Having fiscal margin built into your lifestyle will give you a lot more freedom and dating options. When you ask someone out, remember that it's not about impressing someone by being lavish with your money. It's about getting to know someone and rewarding that person for sacrificing time. It's a gift, not compensation. The more you can offer in that area, yes, the more likely you can get a date and maintain a relationship. Money=Freedom. No more, no less. The more money, the more freedom. The more freedom, the more prospects.

Just remember that money is EASY, and without substance trying to buy off a date is empty and shallow. If you have nothing to offer of yourself, all the money in the world won't help you.

Yes it is IMO. Having a job indicates that you're responsible and financially independent.

You wouldn't want to date someone who's always asking for money. Also it indicates that you have a good work-ethic. You wouldn't want to date someone who just sits around all day. Their capabilities at work reflect their capabilities outside of work.

Also it indicates that they're mentally and physically healthy. How effectively someone's life is run in the outside world is an indication of how things are going inside their head. e.g. if they have a good job, it massively decreases the chance that they have Borderline Personality Disorder or similar, as most people in that way would be incapable of holding a job.

Females dont want a guy that have no job/bad job. What is funny is that even if she herself has no job/bad job she still has this demands that males most have a good job.

I'm not autistic LOL and I'm well aware of how relationships between most people form but I'm not most people and do not rush to pass judgment and place people in boxes based on if they're employed or not. Human beings are too complex for that.

Well, I don't live on my own, I still live with my mother but somebody who's 48 and likely looking for somebody to actually marry and have their kids soon isn't for me in hindsight, I don't want kids anytime soon and will not marry before I'm 26. I don't have a job right now but would still HATE to still be without one by the time I'm 20 as I am a very ambitious person and certainly am not interested in long term unemployment. I have things I want to accomplish if not in the music industry than in television journalism. Also, I don't think ''no job'' is the same as ''sits around all day'' either. People who work could still ''sit around'' all day if they happen to spend a typical work day sitting in an office LOL. I'm in a different situation to most people who have more freedom as my mom is basically somewhat trying to control my future post high school and am not allowed to come and go as I please as she is of the belief I can't ''navigate the world''. I was also only looking to have an ''online relationship'' which means employment would've been irrelevant not to mention I've come to not even look for that anymore and instead of looking for a ''potential soulmate'' which was clearly not the dude in the chat I now only want to make friends. Also, I have not been diagnosed with anything and keep in mind that was a 48 year old man in a much different stage/position of life than me and I'm an ambitious 19 year old who's only just entering the world. I want to work somewhere like Dunkin' Donuts very soon while I attend college then do something in the news business or music industry long term. I told him what I intended for my future but looking back I see how that might not have been sufficient for what a 48 year old wanted in a partner although he was speaking to somebody 18 and still in high school.

I'm not one of them, any actual feelings of love would make his not having a job or a bad one (whatever that is) irrelevant for me. Besides if I really become a rich, successful pop singer (as small a chance I have of that) I'll be more than happy to take care of him and I suppose make him my ''house husband'' .

I think you have a lot of potential, not out of talent but out of having the courage to just go for it. The willingness to try and to punch fear in the face is really all you need. Ability will come later. The money is hit or miss, like winning the lottery. Just do what you love and channel that into a way to make a living. Most people who make a lot of money and make a living work different angles of the industry. I'm not a good singer, so I look for good singers. My songwriting is in the toilet right now, so I focus on instrumentals--ambient music, packages for Indie TV and film. I have a church gig, a teaching gig, and a band gig. What I REALLY want to do now is get into artist development, which, again has that winning the lottery effect. You won't make much money the first time you "make" a new star, but you'll find yourself in high enough demand it won't matter.

At any rate, I can tell you from experience that in a way your life is much easier without romantic love or family. If I were single, I make just enough from one gig to pay rent/utilities all year long, and that's just working two days a week. Being married, that puts food, school, insurance, etc. all on my wife. That may not be an issue for you, but a LOT of women simply won't have it. If you can't at least equal what she makes if not exceed it, that's a dealbreaker. Women often are averse to taking the full load.

With marriage and family, part of the issue is employers will fire you for getting pregnant. And don't tell me it's against the law, because I've seen it happen. I've lived it. My wife was fired TWICE for having babies. TWICE. And there was absolutely nothing we could do about it. We tried; there were loopholes.

Like it or not, society operates in such a way that men have the ability to be rock-solid in the area of employment. We can get SOME personal or sick time, which includes caring for sick children if need be. But we don't require 6 weeks off every time a child comes. Employers hate the risk and avoid it if they have a choice. Like it or not, women are also more vulnerable in the workplace, not just the whole baby thing. A man with a secure income source balances that out so that the family can keep going in the event of a catastrohic job situation. If both are working, one can keep going or pick up extra work on the side while the other finds more work. Maintain at least $1k per person and try to save up to 6 months of expenses if at all possible. Doing that will keep everyone secure and comfortable, even when things get difficult. You do best working TOGETHER.

Or just don't date, get married, or start a family. It is SO MUCH EASIER just staying single, trust me! I love my family and wouldn't ever trade that for my single days. Just understand it is TOUGH. Financial freedom doesn't mean much when you stay single, because you don't have any responsibility. Once you start dating, you have to let go of some of that. You can't let wealth go unless you are free to give it away in the first place. And the more freedom you have, the easier and more liveable love and relationships can be.

The last time I tried to chat up an 18 year old she said I was too old for her and I'm not even 20 yet.

Well, hang on a sec...

I dated high school kids on two diff occasions. One was my younger gf I'd been dating prior to hs graduation anyway. The other was 18 by the time we started dating, and I was close to done with college by this point. The latter was immature and a golddigger, and it took me a while to figure that out.

Fast forward several years. Now I teach high school kids. If I were to date a teenager, even if she was 19 and in college, I'd be seen as someone in a position of authority and trust. Even if I technically wasn't breaking the law, I could still lose my job if I were to date someone in the 18-25 range since it would be assumed I obtained my gf through manipulation and abuse.

You have to look at it that way because older folks are likely to see you as jailbait. Because of my work in schools and my position within a church, I get held to a moral and ethical standard that would crush most regular people. Unfair? Unreasonable? Maybe, but I love what I do. So if I were open to dating, I might risk going out with someone as young as 25. I'd avoid getting involved with families at my church; or if I DID get involved, I'd keep it quiet until I proposed to her, assuming it would ever reach that stage. And I'd avoid girls who graduated from the school where I teach. I'm not saying it's impossible for older men and younger girls to get together. I'm just saying depending on the circumstances it might be extremely risky. I'm in no position to take that kind of risk in my life. It's not worth ruining my career and professional life over.

If you want a real-world example of how things can get screwed up, read up on Jerry Lee Lewis. Married his young cousin, had a kid with her. Friends, fans, supporters abandoned him. Just like that. Now it's all about teachers fraternizing with students and church leaders lapsing in morals. It all comes out the same place. Just don't.

Be careful out there, y'all!

Sorry I meant I'm not even 30 yet. It was about a month ago. Good thing I'm not in a position of authority.

Maybe I should go after women my own age but the majority of women my age have boyfriends or husbands. This makes it difficult for single guys my age.

The majority of 18 year old girls have had a few short term boyfriends throughout their high school but are single most of the time.

Attraction wise I find men who are even in their forties though I don't think it's ever been older than that, to in fact be quite handsome. But practically speaking, I don't think I'll ever go beyond about 21 since that chat experience. Though I do kind of like someone who's 38.

I guess I'm not the majority as I've only ever been single.

I meant out of NTs. I didn't date in high school either.

It's just weird because this 18 year old girl said that I wasn't creepy but just said I'm too old for her to be physically attracted to me because I'm 29.

The annoying this is she said this without knowing what I look like and when I meet people in real life they act surprised when they hear my age. Then they say I look 24.

Oh well. The heart wants what the heart wants. I don't blame her for having a set of criteria.

My only criteria is you love me for me, regardless of if I had a job or not =b

I know couples either the partner doesn't have a job. I doubt it a highly regarded criteria to be in a relationship. It about being independent and mature.