Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

My struggles in finding a girlfriend

Page 4 of 11 [ 162 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ... 11  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Nov 2017, 8:01 pm

I consider myself a nice guy (not the Nice Guy Trademarked LOL)

I'm a football fan......



Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,522
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

06 Nov 2017, 8:20 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I consider myself a nice guy (not the Nice Guy Trademarked LOL)

I'm a football fan......


I am assuming you are talking about a comment I made - if not I apologise for jumping in.

I know there are some very nice guys out there who are football fans, however, I have had a few bad experiences with guys who put football at the tops of their list of priorities.

I did break this rule and my last boyfriend was a football fan which went against my instincts but I still was able to put this aside. I thought I would push my boundaries. It did not work out because he wanted me to go with him to matches and when had stated from the beginning I had no interest. He said at the beginning it wasn't really important to him. It became an issue. There were other issues also as I would not be so quick to end a relationship based on this alone. He was difficult to negotiate with so things went awry in the end.

I believe that compromise and negotiation is a big part of making a relationship work but it is difficult when the other person has no intention of this.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Nov 2017, 8:30 pm

Now...if a man is obsessed with something to the point where he won't compromise, then it's not a good situation at all.



Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,522
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

06 Nov 2017, 8:44 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Now...if a man is obsessed with something to the point where he won't compromise, then it's not a good situation at all.


Exactly and this works both ways - I wouldn't expect anyone to be into my interests as deeply as I am if at all.

I appreciate difference but I also need to retain my integrity.

I also wish I could help some of these younger guys who are really trying to find a lovely girlfriend - I do not think that they are asking too much.

I have noticed some of your honest and wise comments on here. Hopefully some of your wise words, which comes from a lot of life experience, has not fallen on deaf ears. Age does have it's advantages doesn't it?



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Nov 2017, 10:28 pm

You're right. Age does have advantages.

Thanks for your nice words.



ZachGoodwin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,065

06 Nov 2017, 10:31 pm

In many ways I get jealous of not sounding that wise. -___-

I would trade all of my money in the world to have experience over knowledge.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

07 Nov 2017, 1:08 am

Knowledge and experience complement each other.

If one is open to learning, one benefits from both knowledge and experience.

If one only has knowledge, and thinks he/she "knows it all" despite a lack of experience, this person is very limited, indeed, and is not open to new knowledge and experience.



ZachGoodwin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,065

07 Nov 2017, 1:33 am

What would experience be without knowledge?



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

07 Nov 2017, 3:36 am

Temeraire wrote:

Sounds like you are playing their game by their rules - falling into a trap.
I would keep the sexual stuff for later on - when you have had at least a few dates.
Yes put your foot down and know you are worth more than being a play toy - use your energy wisely.

There are less superficial ladies out there and there is one there for you but you may need to change your approach. You sound like you already know what to do but find it difficult to put into practice.

It makes me laugh when I hear some women building an image of a man like a personal robot and then wondering where it all went wrong. I don't mind other women disagreeing with me - this is healthy. Yes some women want the fantasy and some of us are happy with the reality.

Relationships can be marvellous when we surround ourselves with the right kind of people. Relationships can also be hard to maintain. They can be painful at times but also the best thing in the world. They can be exhausting and exhilerating at the same time.

You are not worthless either.


They women never went on a date with me. Few women I had dates have gotten sexual before meeting up.


I dont know what to do. What approach? Honestly I’m starting to feel there aren’t any no superficial women in my state.

Idk by women’s standards I’m pretty worthless as a man, which is why they say I’m not a real man.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

07 Nov 2017, 3:37 am

I’m done to 254 pounds and almost 42” waist again :(



Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,522
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

07 Nov 2017, 7:39 am

sly279 wrote:
Temeraire wrote:

Sounds like you are playing their game by their rules - falling into a trap.
I would keep the sexual stuff for later on - when you have had at least a few dates.
Yes put your foot down and know you are worth more than being a play toy - use your energy wisely.

There are less superficial ladies out there and there is one there for you but you may need to change your approach. You sound like you already know what to do but find it difficult to put into practice.

It makes me laugh when I hear some women building an image of a man like a personal robot and then wondering where it all went wrong. I don't mind other women disagreeing with me - this is healthy. Yes some women want the fantasy and some of us are happy with the reality.

Relationships can be marvellous when we surround ourselves with the right kind of people. Relationships can also be hard to maintain. They can be painful at times but also the best thing in the world. They can be exhausting and exhilerating at the same time.

You are not worthless either.


They women never went on a date with me. Few women I had dates have gotten sexual before meeting up.


I dont know what to do. What approach? Honestly I’m starting to feel there aren’t any no superficial women in my state.

Idk by women’s standards I’m pretty worthless as a man, which is why they say I’m not a real man.


If a lady is getting sexual before a meet up you have choices.

You can slow things down and go on the date to see if she has more to her than sexual thoughts.
You can move on and focus you energy on finding another date.
You can put on your profile that you don't do sexting or one night stands and seriously looking at long-term.
You can go on the date for experience and practice and be happy that you didn't take the bait.
(cos don't forget knowledge + experience is the ideal goal for a happy ending)
You can keep going in the knowledge that dating is a numbers game and it will work in the end.
You can thank yourself that you have standards.



Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,522
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

07 Nov 2017, 7:45 am

ZachGoodwin wrote:
What would experience be without knowledge?


This would probably look like someone who makes the same mistakes over and over without learning from them.
I would also emphasise that mistakes are a useful way to sharpen our tools and help us to develop.

The knowledge comes from experience but it can work the other way around if you are willing to take a gamble and weather the risks.



fluffysaurus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,723
Location: England

09 Nov 2017, 10:30 am

Marknis wrote:
I was overweight even when I had my first and so far only girlfriend. She was overweight as well but not like those disgusting fat acceptance types who can hardly move without their joints popping.


I would not find someone who made comments like this attractive, it sounds cruel and judgmental. If you didn't mean it to be, perhaps you should work on how other people are likely to interpret what you say.


_________________
climate change petition, please sign

Petition against Amazon selling 'make downs extinct' t-shirts. And other hate speech paraphernalia.


Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

09 Nov 2017, 10:59 am

fluffysaurus wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I was overweight even when I had my first and so far only girlfriend. She was overweight as well but not like those disgusting fat acceptance types who can hardly move without their joints popping.


I would not find someone who made comments like this attractive, it sounds cruel and judgmental. If you didn't mean it to be, perhaps you should work on how other people are likely to interpret what you say.


I actually find chubby girls attractive and my first girlfriend was chubby. There's a difference between chubby and morbidly obese.



fluffysaurus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,723
Location: England

09 Nov 2017, 11:08 am

Marknis wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I was overweight even when I had my first and so far only girlfriend. She was overweight as well but not like those disgusting fat acceptance types who can hardly move without their joints popping.


I would not find someone who made comments like this attractive, it sounds cruel and judgmental. If you didn't mean it to be, perhaps you should work on how other people are likely to interpret what you say.


I actually find chubby girls attractive and my first girlfriend was chubby. There's a difference between chubby and morbidly obese.


I wasn't commenting on your taste, your entitled to find whoever you like attractive. I was referring to your use of the word disgusting :( A person isn't disgusting just because of the way they look.


_________________
climate change petition, please sign

Petition against Amazon selling 'make downs extinct' t-shirts. And other hate speech paraphernalia.


Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

09 Nov 2017, 11:36 am

fluffysaurus wrote:
Marknis wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I was overweight even when I had my first and so far only girlfriend. She was overweight as well but not like those disgusting fat acceptance types who can hardly move without their joints popping.


I would not find someone who made comments like this attractive, it sounds cruel and judgmental. If you didn't mean it to be, perhaps you should work on how other people are likely to interpret what you say.


I actually find chubby girls attractive and my first girlfriend was chubby. There's a difference between chubby and morbidly obese.


I wasn't commenting on your taste, your entitled to find whoever you like attractive. I was referring to your use of the word disgusting :( A person isn't disgusting just because of the way they look.


I've been under a lot of stress lately so my vocabulary hasn't been the most friendly.