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I cannot believe I haven't had sex yet!

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TwilightPrincess
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05 Aug 2023, 5:03 pm

I understand you want love but a person in prison is probably not the ideal person for that. Don’t settle just because you want a relationship. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship.


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Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 5:08 pm

honeytoast wrote:
Rotter wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
I think OP is very naive,

You could be right. WrongPlanet is supposed to be a place for neurodivergent people to help each other deal with the difficulty of a society/planet designed for neurotypicals. WrongPlanet isn't supposed to be a place for very naive NTs.

I'm confused. Why are you calling OP a neurotypical? I don't think they are NT from her posts, and is genuinely seeking advice from other autistics/NDs about relationships, marriage, sex. I mean, if you're a neurotypical who doesn't have any association with autism, why post here?

From my point of view and personal opinion, OP is someone who has not had much experience with romance. They want what everyone else wants - love, family, marriage. Normal human things. The way they are approaching it, and saying in little bursts like "Anita told me not to do this!" or "My brother won't stop me now!" without little context creates a bizarre scenario. I am not sure how to really react to that, other than to ask them to elaborate what they mean. They are not explaining everything. Like mentioning that the person they are interesting in marrying is someone they have only communicated in letters with because they are in prison, and they don't remember why they are in prison in different posts is also raises some red flags.

Depending on the crime that is committed, I don't judge people who are dating someone who went to prison, however, it causes a lot of concern because some NDs just aren't aware how much trouble they can put themselves in.


I have had 3 boyfriends so I actually do have experience with romantic relationships

Just never been married



Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 5:11 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I understand you want love but a person in prison is probably not the ideal person for that. Don’t settle just because you want a relationship. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship.


Do you think I should just not go on the date with him then?



TwilightPrincess
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05 Aug 2023, 5:17 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
I understand you want love but a person in prison is probably not the ideal person for that. Don’t settle just because you want a relationship. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship.


Do you think I should just not go on the date with him then?

Probably not.

I don’t think that people are typically in any position to date as soon as they get out of jail.


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Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 5:38 pm

So if I decide to eventually date this man I need to give him time to recover from being in prison first

Is that what you are saying?



IsabellaLinton
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05 Aug 2023, 5:40 pm

How long has he been in prison, and have you done a background check on him?


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Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 5:42 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
How long has he been in prison, and have you done a background check on him?


For 2 years and no I have not

How do I run a background check on him?



Mona Pereth
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05 Aug 2023, 6:12 pm

MaxE wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
The way they are approaching it, and saying in little bursts like "Anita told me not to do this!" or "My brother won't stop me now!" without little context creates a bizarre scenario. I am not sure how to really react to that, other than to ask them to elaborate what they mean. They are not explaining everything. Like mentioning that the person they are interesting in marrying is someone they have only communicated in letters with because they are in prison, and they don't remember why they are in prison in different posts is also raises some red flags.

Depending on the crime that is committed, I don't judge people who are dating someone who went to prison, however, it causes a lot of concern because some NDs just aren't aware how much trouble they can put themselves in.

She's not satisfied with her life. I think she should be able to consider ways to improve it however she needs somebody on her side with whom to talk about it. Apparently "Jerry" is a friend-of-a-friend. I have no idea what he's like IRL but in America you can't assume that anyone is a truly bad person simply because they've been in prison. Particularly in California (a state in which I'd never want to live) they have privately run prisons owned by interests with great influence in Sacramento. The more people they lock up the more money for the crooked state legislators. Jerry might well have simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time (or not as the case may be). That doesn't mean that deciding here and now to marry him is a good plan. She needs to get other stuff sorted at least. In particular, I would disagree that she's responsible for her brother but she must understand he is entitled to the same level of well-being as she is.

Important points here. The American criminal "justice" system is seriously messed up in lots of different ways. Someone in prison is not necessarily a bad person.

But is is a reason for caution, and Mikurotoro92 certainly needs to learn more about Jerry's personal history.


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Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 6:36 pm

How do you suggest I do that?

Like run a background check on him



honeytoast
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05 Aug 2023, 7:02 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
How do you suggest I do that?

Like run a background check on him


If you know his full name, and if he is from your state, you can go to the state government's website and request to see a criminal/court case/driving record. You have to pay for these background checks though.


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Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 7:22 pm

honeytoast wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
How do you suggest I do that?

Like run a background check on him


If you know his full name, and if he is from your state, you can go to the state government's website and request to see a criminal/court case/driving record. You have to pay for these background checks though.


Okay thanks

I don't have money right now until next Wednesday or Thursday though

Would he find out if I looked at his criminal record?

That is what I am worried about!



TwilightPrincess
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05 Aug 2023, 7:25 pm

^ No, he wouldn’t find out. There are sites like TruthFinder, but they cost money too. You have to pay a monthly fee, so you have to cancel before you’re charged for the next month.

It’s easy to use.


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05 Aug 2023, 7:27 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
How do you suggest I do that?

Like run a background check on him


If you know his full name, and if he is from your state, you can go to the state government's website and request to see a criminal/court case/driving record. You have to pay for these background checks though.


Okay thanks

I don't have money right now until next Wednesday or Thursday though

Would he find out if I looked at his criminal record?

That is what I am worried about!



Why would you be worried about him knowing you checked?
If he cares about you or your safety, he'd want you to check.
I can't imagine he'd want you sleeping with someone fresh out of prison otherwise.
Actually, I can't imagine him wanting you to sleep with ANYONE without knowing all about them.


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Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 7:46 pm

Looking him up right now...



Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 8:07 pm

There is NOTHING shocking in his report!

Just vandalism



TwilightPrincess
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05 Aug 2023, 8:18 pm

2 years for vandalism seems like a lot.


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