aspies and being a "jerk" to women

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Depends. Some women just want sex, and some have low self esteem. They feel as if this guy is important and if he doesn't like me, I must not be of any value.

What I also want to point out is thst girls in relationships with jerks may be holding out for the guy to stop acting like a jerk. Perhaps the girls assumes if she could just do the right thing, he would change. She puts his behavior on her shoulders. My guess would be that this is the majority of them.

As I said in another thread, success if the most attractive trait in men. It beats the worst ugliness and worst behavior.

Replace success (which is subjective) with status/power and I agree 100%.

Success is a good description, but I'd say it implicates confidence & stability in your life, rather than status.

I've got to disagree with you on that one. No offense to any of you gals here, but women are masters at self deceit. Women say they want a nice down to earth guy, which is true, but that's not what women are ATTRACTED to, by any means. If all women wanted the "good down to earth man" than all the average joe's out there would have women jumping all over them. That's not the case. We all know the "jerk" gets the girls.

We all know the jerk, and by jerk I mean the emotionally unavailable challenging bad ass, is the one that gets the girls. Women LOVE a challenge. Women LOVE a man that acts like he doesn't care if he's single or not.

Don't be a jerk and treat women poorly. I think women should be respected and honored. By being a "jerk," I think the proper way is to act like you don't care, act like a bad ass, and speaking your mind. Asking rhetorical questions. Being openly flirty, no mixed signals, straight talk and being very blunt.

If you like the way she looks, tell her. If you don't, tell her why. Tease her. Be Playful. Be a jerk like George Clooney is a "jerk" to Julia Roberts in Ocean's Eleven. Be a "jerk" like Johnny Depp is to every girl he meets in Pirates of the Carribean. They love this.

It should be easier to be a "jerk" for an Aspie, because despite the lack of our social clues, we're pretty good at being blunt, pre-occupied and being a challenge.

That's always worked for me.

Meh, it shouldn't be hard work to be a jerk...

Just throw some pudding in her face... instant chicks...

Jerks make me sick. They can go to hell.

Mature women dont go for jerks.

Jerks are usually immature as well.

My sister use to date a jerk. She hates him now. Now she has a nice guy and he's great, I have to admit.

Then there's hope for me yet...

in most cases
success==> wealth==> power/status


wealth can be inherited but can't be maintained long enough without success.

Confidence is an overrated cliché that women keep telling it, an poor confident ugly dwarf man won't have a lot of chances. But it's rare to find a confident ugly poor man anyways.
No man can be confident if he's not enough successful enough in life , if he wasn't good at school and if he wasn't sociable and loved by many ppl at childhood. Confidence is cumulative ....it cannot comes suddenly just like that.

Exactly! If you keep trying, despite failure, you will succeed eventually, and the only people who stop trying to succeed are the ones with no confidence in themselves.


You're right... but the more you experience of life, the more confident you will become. It's not about attaining success in a financial way, or about scoring women, but rather about understanding yourself and your place in life.
A person who has an identity, who knows themself and where they want to go, is infinately more attractive than a handsome, rich 'floater' who has never tried to make anything of himself.

What about being really really really stubborn? Being driven to prove everyone wrong?

All right. I'm NT and female. If that doesn't qualify me, I'm also Bi and have dated women.

1. All women are not alike. They vary from mentally healthy to unhealthy, from codependent to leave-me-alone-so-i-can-finish-my-nobel-prize-winning-science-project. Women are not all wanting the same thing. Period. It may seem like it, but...
2. Plenty of good guys get the girls. Seriously. Think about this. Yes, some women are attracted to bad men. I've certainly dated my share. But that's partly because...

3. Arrogant jerks think they're good enough to talk to a nice girl, and nice guys often don't. And when they do, they do it in a setting where they're usually at a disadvantage.

4. Consider where you're trying to pick up women. Is it full of alcohol? Forget it. You're going to pick up a woman whose idea of fun is a bar.

5. The best level of leading is this: If she spills her wineglass at dinner, you act like it is the glass's fault, the table's, anything but her's. And then you give her yours and call the waiter over. Preferably without saying a word. Women don't just want protection, they want a partner who is committed to being a partner, and the way to show this is by being kind where the outer world interacts with her.

This includes lots of kindnesses, but you need to NOT show extra kindness if she isn't.

Here's a concrete example. Information sharing. It's like handling poker chips.

You say: nice weather, isn't it?

You've offered one piece of information, one chip's worth.

She says: Yeah, i love this weather, don't you?

She's put in one chip- personal info, she likes the weather, and ups the ante one by asking for personal info from you. (the personal info she added by this is an admission that she cares what you think.)

You say: I used to go on picnics in weather like this.

You've upped the ante again.

She says: I used to go climb trees.

She's continuing to add informaiton. You're even, you've both kept up, and neither of you has given a sweeping handful of info or interest yet.

You say: I still do that.

You've just added two- one, the info of something you do, and the second- a common interest!

She says: " Oh, really?"

This is not a loss, she just displayed interest in your common interest. Yay!

You say: Yeah- i still sometimes go to the park on saturdays.

One chip. You elaborated and created an opening.

So, maybe you end up going together on a saturday.

Now, take this example, and use those chips to consider kindness. You give too much up front or in a situation where it isn't returned, you're going to be taken advantage of. Women are taught from childhood that they are supposed to find someone with an interest in them- if someone is a jerk and demands all their chips at once, and displays lots of interest fast, yeah, they sometimes fall for it, only to learn later that that was all he had to offer.

My last point? Clark Gable. I know, he's been hyped and hyped. But the man got roles that were all give and take. And that's what it's all about.

Mind you, there will always be women for whom this doesn't apply. Gods, I could tell you horror stories! And, as i'm learning myself, Aspies don't always pick up on when a woman is contributing information or creating an opening, and that can make you come off as a jerk no matter what you do. So that's something to watch out for, and a lot of aspies get taken advantage of because they don't know to keep the sharing at equal levels. The total loyalty an aspie can offer can get abused unintentionally, because people don't always think when they act. You're responsible for giving the signals that things need to be equal, even if you have to think about them as a matching game to do it. (Believe me, lots of NTs have this problem, ME included. *sigh*)

But jeepers, i mean, come on. They call them jerks for a reason, and the best you're going to ever get acting like one is a woman who has a history of dating jerks...

A lot of that needs explaining to NTs as well as people who've been diagnosed, but people rarely seem to listen when I tell them.

Oh my dear cuty Sarah ... this is a sign of good confidence and determination which are both necessary for success.