Such high standards

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so if a fit hot sexy intelligent woman can't find a mate should she get fat, act dumb and change her hair to look ugly?

I don't get how it's assumed that I have to change to get love. so meh I have lost weight I don't know where from but I have. as for age. after 35 I'm done I won't want to date anymore It's too late. as for old people doing it. most had younger relationships already so not having it again in their 80s isn't a big issue to them. it is to me who has never had it.

mainly because once I get a gf I'll stop working out. if you do stuff to get something once you get it theres no reason to continue. only people who do are those who just enjoy working out or are trying to stay fit because they don't want to be fat. I don't mind my shape. so death is the only solution since theres no one that will date a not athletic guy with a non great paying job.

Totally agree with goldfish. The reality.

It's funny, i don't even care about intelligence anymore, if a woman has good character, I will like her, but incredibly stupid women can be even more vain and selfish than smart ones, so this world does a sort of inversed-everything trick with women, the more disenfranchised they get, the more carnal they become, and it's true that this sort of thing gets worse with age and responsibilities.

Kindness, honesty, wisdom... they all require perspective, but the greatest of these sort of perspectives is complete and utter poverty, total worthlessness. By having inherent value in their sex, women are depraved of this sort of wisdom, thus most of them will not settle for character because most of them don't understand what it's like to have nothing but character, they'll never find themselves in that spot until on their deathbed.

This is where women will tell you they've been alone all their lives too, but they're alone for a very specific kind of guy, there's plenty of subpar performers in this world, but they don't want anything to do with them, males run the privilege of being invisible to women whom they are not worthy of.

Like how a rich child becomes spoiled by being surrounded with so much wealth, the child has no reference point to gauge the worth of those luxuries because that requires the perspective of poverty, and by having inherent worth, women are stripped of that viewpoint...

It's true that people only get more vain and selfish with age, Looking for that special flower with a heart of gold is damned near impossible in this world because of it's detrimental effects on ones character, the longer people are here, the more vain and selfish they become.

Not to the pile on women so much since it is males after all who place such a strong value and emphasis on sex, which is what women are merely capitalizing on. It's the price everyone is paying for placing such a strong emphasis on sex, women are simply exchanging their bodies for comfort, and males are more than happy to oblige them.

It's just the reality that has been there since the dawn of man, prostitution is called the world's oldest profession for a very good reason.

Sad world.

Starting to wonder why I shouldn't allow myself to hate women :'(

Because not being attracted to you is no reason to hate them, and hating them for that reason makes you seem about 2 years old?

if they find themselves attracted to a guy, feel he might match them in personality, interest, and dreams, only to refuse to date him cause of his job/money then maybe they deserve to be hated.

what a horrible world we live in where people are reduced to their material belongings.
as my issue has nothing to do with women who don't find me attractive although that sucks. I understand that. I wouldn't date someone who I don't find attractive. but for me to refuse basically the percent idea woman because she doesn't make enough money. just seems freaking idiotic. so why should I blame myself and hate myself when its their horrible selfish mindset that is the problem?

you can't take money to the grave so why base your love life on how much a guy makes or doesn't make. cause its better to be with a guy who hates everything you hate, shares no interest just cause he makes 22 an hour?

It's very easy to hate women after years or even decades of rejection -- most people in these sort of situations need to consider it a massive victory that they don't hate women because at that point, it's very easy to give in.

Sly -- Having sadness is better than having spite, and it's a sign of character that you don't give into resentment even through all of that, but I do think it gets harder and harder with time, and you have to pray for a bit of luck to take some off your shoulder.

Too much sadness eventually breaks people though... and then it becomes very easy for it to turn into resentment. That's what a lot of males here are facing including myself.

In my mind I still keep portraits of women from fiction whom I know for certain aren't like the rest of the women here on this planet, if you have a fictional female character that you like, just keep remembering her and that tends it much easier. Don't hate women, hate the world for what it does and turns them into, but even then don't focus on the hate, because that + time has the capacity to turn just about anyone into a monster.

I know a number of women who have never dated. You want to know why? It actually doesn't have anything to do with waiting for some ridiculous prince charming to bust us out of this “magical castle” you've decided we all apparently live in. The reasons are always different because every person is different. Some people mature slower than others. Some women decide they want to work on their careers. Some women are really shy, or maybe they're really ugly, maybe they're 'subpar performers' that no guy ever notices because they always sit next to their super pretty best friend, or maybe they have resting b***h face, or are so pretty that people are afraid to come up to them because they instantly think they're unworthy. Yes, I've met the oddball who had ridiculous standards and actually is waiting for the stupid prince charming to take her to fairyland~ but that's really pretty rare.

So, I'm not saying that there aren't people out there who have ridiculous standards. They exist. I know guys who won't date any woman who couldn't be a Victoria's Secret model. Awesome for them. I know girls who are only interested in football players, or doctors, or lawyers, or some profession that can rake in the proverbial dough. Again, awesome for them. But to instantly lump every single person of both genders into camps like that is ridiculous.

Everyone has standards. It's part of dating. It's even a good way to gauge whether or not people will be compatible. Some people have moral standards. Some people have physical standards. Some people have monetary standards. Whatever their reason for the standards is that's specific to them. They probably have a great reason for it, but maybe they don't. Stupid and vain people exist, sure, but you don't have to date them. Or wax poetic about them. Or whatever.


While I will agree with you that complaining doesn't get you very far. I have to disagree as well. Standards isn't about changing yourself to become what other people want. That's impossible. You're hurting yourself if you try to do that, because you're lying to them, and you're lying to yourself. The object isn't to match to existing standards. What you want to do is find people with compatible standards.


We're not a hive-mind collective that has it out for you. Hatred isn't going to get you anywhere. Being bitter about the women you have met, can negatively affect your chances of finding better ones in the future. And there are better ones out there. Even non-fictional ones. ;D

doesn't seem like it. as just about every proflie and ad says the same thing. what are societies but hive minds?

I'm already a monster in women's eyes for just existing.

I realize full well that everyone's personal aesthetic ideals are different when it comes to sexual attraction, yes.

sly279 has complained on these forums about 897234987389 times that women want a guy that's in better physical shape than he's in. So, then my suggestion is to stop whining about that and get yourself into better shape - become what you perceive that women are attracted to, then you'll feel attractive, and become attractive to them. It's really not rocket surgery stuff here.

I think peoples' time and energy is better spent on self improvement than self loathing. Continuous self improvement is a good thing, IMO. The benefits are immeasurably higher than that of whining & complaining.

Yeah, I have to say that goldfish is wrong on this one.

Why? If sly wants to complain, let him. He has every right. Besides, most of what he is saying in this thread is right, anyway. You can't change yourself just to attract a woman, especially when it doesn't guarantee that you will be with one, or even if you can be with one, that you will be with her forever. It's a ludicrous line of logic.

And yeah, I consider about 40 to be the cutoff point too. The men in my family, whether they remained in shape or not, had a severe downturn in health at around that point. All of them. So I gave up at 25, to benefit me in the long run. No use trying and then not end up meeting anyone until well past that age. Why get into a relationship when you won't be able to do anything physical (not necessarily sex).

I'm almost 27 now and I'm seeing some good reasons to not look for a relationship. Really, there are only about 2 girls in this entire city that I can even stand (one is my best friend). Seriously, it seems like every other woman is all about what a man can do for her, instead of who he is. It doesn't matter if the woman has her own job, own place, etc. Realistically, it is like that everywhere, but it is worse where I live. And of course the same types of guys keep getting these women.

That's objectification, but no one seems to mind. Wonder why? At least when a guy goes after a girl for her looks, he might be apt to stop talking to her if she acts like s**t. Or even if he doesn't like her at first he can end up liking her.

i don't want to be with a athletic person so I don't care if they don't find my non bony body attractive. my problem with attraction is my face which no amount of working out my body will change. could have a super hot athletic body and I'd still be ugly.

why are you here? i mean if you're life is so great and you don't like seeing people complain on a support site, why do you come here. if my life was good I wouldn't be coming on here.

I suppose we can agree to disagree.

People can complain, sure.. but I'm just pointing out that repetitive complaining doesn't change anything one is complaining about for the better. And I call BS that people can't change to become more attractive to others. People get in better physical and mental shape all the time specifically in order to attract others. There are countless people who have hit the gym and gotten themselves into better shape, become happier, healthier and more self confident, and then attracted a partner.

Eventually I'll be one of them - and not just for being in better physical shape, but it certainly doesn't hurt any either. ~4 years ago I was 242lbs with a 38" waist & was depressed w/ strong AS and other symptoms. Today I'm 200lbs with a ~32" waist & happy w/ a strong physical build. I'm 32 years old. I used to avoid relationships like the plague because I didn't feel I could positively contribute to one and didn't want to burden someone else. Now? Not so much. I've changed. A lot. I'm now open to dating & a possible relationship when I meet the right person. In fact, I look forward to it. I know first hand that people can change, both physically and mentally, and become more attractive to others as well as think/feel/be more attractive to others.

Yes, I agree, it tends to be the way of the world the bigger better stronger faster smarter healthier wealthier more successful guys get the girl.. so, become one of/more like those guys. You acknowledge what type of guy seems to get the girls, so work on yourself until you're more like that type of guy vs. sitting on the sidelines complaining about it.

Objectification? Not really. More like biology at play. Women went a strong protector & provider. The Alpha male fits the bill.

Also, I'd just like to add that physical fitness is not the be all and end all of attraction. There are plenty of unhealthily fat people in relationships. It may not have anything to do with one's physical fitness or appearance as to why they have difficulty getting dates. In sly279's case, and others, I'd say it has a whole lot more to do with the fact that he's clinically depressed. No one wants to be around someone who's down and brings their mood down. When I was that way, I couldn't allow myself to be around others and bring them down and I understood full well that they wouldn't want to be around me. Now that I'm not that way and feel I have something to bring to the table in a relationship, I'm ever more open to one happening for me.

Health is wealth.. get yourself physically & mentally fit, and everything else just starts to fall into place. Work/finances/friendships/relationships etc. Or just keep doing as you've always done and get as you've always gotten and then go online and complain about it instead of taking action and doing something to make yourself happier in life. Your call.

..and if you weren't depressed you might not think your face is ugly, and then would feel more attractive.

I'm not here to whine and complain, that's for sure. I'm still here because I've managed to figure out how to treat & manage my ASD and other symptoms via diet/herbal cleansing & probiotics to the point that I am happier and healthier than any time in the rest of my life, am working, building up some money, working towards future goals of all sorts etc. I'm not here to share the details of those things and brag. I'm still here to share how I've managed to do it so that anyone else willing to try what I've done can see if it works for them and they achieve similar results in their lives.

I'm not still here asking for support for the most part, I'm still here to offer it to those interested in helping themselves. Obviously nothing I can say or do or offer is of any benefit to anyone who's not here to improve themselves and merely here to whine and complain.

I am curious is this true of all females? If it is I guess I cannot possibly call myself one...yet somehow biology has made me 'female' so how did that happen?