4 easy rules will avoid 98% of sexual harassment accusations

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Wow... she gets me! (And lives in driving distance!)

other way around. he said there was no validity to her arguments so therefore she must be having a rotten day. not at all the same as what you said. he was saying that someone who he usually finds reasonable was being unreasonable, and positing a reason why that might be.



because he said nothing about women as a whole.

agree with him or not, but he was not being misogynistic.

the claims of misogyny/misandry on this board are ridiculous. people can't disagree with even one member of the opposite gender without someone popping up and accusing them of this.

She doesn't need me to defend her so I'll speak for myself and what I've noticed in this thread.........

A lot of (not all, Boo) AS men on here seem to have the belief that just because they aren't overtly calling someone a name or putting them down to their faces, that they aren't bashing. The subtext of this thread clearly has a "men are the real victims here" vibe.

MY larger point (that got ignored) was that the resentful and at times even hostile attitude towards woman often expressed in this and other threads on this forum is likely a root cause of some of these "spurious" sexual harrassment issues in the workplace.

Unfortunatly, there's not a lot I can do to help beyond that. I'd comb through the thread for more details but I'm at work for the next 10 hours and I need to get back to my case files. Besides, I see little point. Nobody is going to be able to notice the problem without first aknowledging the issue.

Last edited by Geekonychus on 06 Mar 2013, 1:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

No problem there, Tyri0n. I mostly avoid women now anyway. I've had stupid things like what Fnord described happen to me as well.

The only ones I don't (or can't) avoid are my mom and my female coworkers.

No, there's no "men are always victims" vibe here.

'If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem'

In any of these work situations, did the males ask for a written account of what they had been accused of?

ie an account with dates, times, locations, full details of the event(s) and other people involved/witnessing what happened

I'd want these specifics in written form and signed by the accuser or I'd be calling it outright slander

I'm finding this an interesting topic

By my understanding the nature of harassment is unwanted behaviour that occurs on more than one occasion

The person is usually advised to tell the 'perpetrator' to stop the behaviour before making an official complaint ie to give them the opportunity to find out that the behaviour is seen as unwanted/upsetting the other person

I didn't say all who posted, my prose was clear. It just seems like a lot of people had the hat fit.

Also:

“Au, contraire! Don't you see? She is a woman. I am a man. Therefore, she was the victim, and I am the no good, dirty scumbag who was making her life a living Hell!

/sarcasm “

This sarcasm is positive then? You all jump on me for the sarcasm I used with women, but his is OK?

“If they swear and use sex terms, do not swear like them, if they touch, do not touch like them! Women can get away with such things that you ,as a male with a dick and balls, can't.”

And this is not generalising or stereotyping?

As for b9 accusing me of being drunk is really mature and not insulting is it?

I shall leave these forums alone. Thank you to the people who understood what I said and how it was meant. I don't hide behind words and they are clear for everyone to see. For those who have seen my previous posts, you will know and can't deny I always have a kind word to those who need it, men or women. Sometimes I am even accused of flirting, which I have explained, can come across intentional, but it isn't. I like individuals for who they are and for the respect they show one another.

Peace to all.

Oh, and just to appease anyone who is worried about b9? I didn't report him. I figured it's not really worth it. People who accuse one another of such a serious issue as being drunk, without any sensitivity ( I had a close relative die of alcoholism) should be buried in their own words.

Ooooo! I love it! I give it only a 50% chance of working (HR can just as easily dismiss my complaint of slander) but I'll definitely give it a try next time someone comes up with a hokey-baloney story try get me fired (often due to mere aspie dislike or to eliminate job competition.)

I'm no stranger to all this myself

I've had to become an 'expert' in employment law due to being sacked from my own job in January due to standign up to a bullying female cover manager and when I disclosed my Aspergers to HR theyve used it as an excuse to get rid of me, sayign they can't make the adjustments needed to accommodate my Aspergers, which I never asked for in the first place

My case is going to an employment tribunal so we'll see what happens!

bullying and harassment is an equal opportunities activity ie people of both genders engage in it

It's usually bullies who think they can get away with it as they are 'well-in' with management therefore all the more reason to get chapter and verse re the accusation and document every last f-ing detail! Every date, time and nuance of their behaviour - they inevitably slip up at some point, then you've got them!

They like to bully when there are no witnesses around as well - this means what you say about them is worthless in a court of law, just your word against theirs - you always need a witness!

The woman who bullied me made up lie after lie which they don't accept as lies as it was just me and her in the office!

I'm proud of being able to restrain myself from punching her into the middle of next week she angered me so much!

It was touch and go as the impulse was very strong!

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1864

"Bullying and harassment means any unwanted behaviour that makes someone feel intimidated, degraded, humiliated or offended. It is not necessarily always obvious or apparent to others, and may happen in the workplace without an employer's awareness.

Bullying or harassment can be between two individuals or it may involve groups of people. It might be obvious or it might be insidious. It may be persistent or an isolated incident. It can also occur in written communications, by phone or through email, not just face-to-face."

Reading the OP and through the discussion I can't help but notice the similarities this one has with another one that came up some months ago, a very similar situation but with the gender roles reversed: whether women were right or wrong on considering every man as a potential rapist until proven otherwise, and avoiding or fearing men in general. Isn't that exactly what is being proposed now; considering every woman as a potential b*tch who will make you lose your job and cry harassment and treat you badly at the slightest provocation until proven otherwise, and then avoiding or fearing women in general?

The idea of a workplace I have now is a ghastly place where women are always right and men always wrong unless there is heavy evidence on the contrary. I wonder whether that is true, and if it is, to what extent.

If women indeed get away with behaviour that would not be tolerated in men, I propose the simple reason is that men are more likely to engage in sexual harassment. If true, the bias several people here perceive is simply good statistical reasoning. Anyone who feels that there is bias and that blame must be assigned should remember to include the guys whose behaviour justifies the bias.

P. S. What's with these annoying Botox mom ads? Google puts them up on three sides, so I have to keep adjusting the browser window to keep that annoying alternation out of sight. How do they make enough money to pay for so much exposure?

Last edited by Gromit on 06 Mar 2013, 1:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If that were true, there wouldn't be loads of men thriving in the workplace and climbing that corporate ladder without having this problem. I think people on the spectrum are just more likely to have bad experiences due to misinterpreting social cues, not knowing a bunch of unspoken rules (which can be vague and seem very arbitrary) and being targets for bullying.

It is, yes i was talking in general so men here be on the safe side, but it's not women-bashing nor it is sexism post against women.

And yes, b9's post was immature but it's not women-bashing.

Ok, I agree that Fnord had the bitter and victim vibe but it wasn't women-bashing.


Fnord and Bluemax are complaining how in some cases the society as a whole (men and women) easily accuse men of harassment.

So true, that's why I said what I said.

But this thread is to help men who DON'T intend to be harassers yet don't want to sound like one, it's not for men who are really pervert.

if a certain behavior is considered unacceptable then it should be considered unacceptable for both genders. Those women who engage in the same behavior should not get a free pass just because it is less common.

Note that I agree with your basic premise. I've only experienced excessive sexual behavior, or advances, from men. Given how many more hetero women than gay men there are out in the world, this suggests to me that men are far more likely than women to engage in sexual harrassment.

The fact that it seems like a seperate list of rules for woman is needed may be the problem. Why can't woman be treated like the men in a workplace? It's not appropriate in a professional environment to touch another guy or comment on a guy's appearence, orientation/gender or make sexual comments in front of guys. How is this any different for a woman?

The truth is.......it isn't.......and the fact that some woman engage in that behavior and get away with it is not an excuse for any of you to engage in it.

Gender politics exist in the workplace (that will always be the case) but by-in-large it is usually stacked against woman and not immediatly overt (that's one of the reasons sexual harrassment laws were created in the first place.)

Last edited by Geekonychus on 06 Mar 2013, 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.