What NT Women Want

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Actually that's a good point. If a woman is planning to have children in a country like America that doesn't have reasonable maternity leave and archaic attitudes to breastfeeding, then you would logically want to have a partner that can cover your costs when you have a child.

What's your background in dealing with autistic people? What's your angle?

I would like to see this list too please. I think what you're doing is a good idea Tiana.

^ agreed, don’t let the teething problems put you off!

Learning curve blah blah, communication difficulties both ways blah blah etc...

And what's in it for you Tiana 101? We have many people come fishing here to market makeovers, what is motivating you?
A request for transparency please

Jesus Christ, lay off her. Why are you being so accusative?

I can tell you what makes me suspicious:

Most NTs who end up being accepted and valued members of this community took the time to introduce themselves, participate in the forums, get to know us and allow us to get to know them. As that happened, they often offered their perspective, insights and even advice without negatively stereotyping either autistic or non-autistic people. Teach51 is an excellent example of this and many of us appreciate her presence here a lot.

While some of the recommendations she made are valid and fairly obvious for many here, some are either ridiculous (good hygene=washing your clothes once a month ) or promoting negative stereotypes: all NT women care about is a partner that would add to their financial and social status, or that the main things that make men on the spectrum struggle with finding a partner are bad hygiene, grooming and not having a job (these btw are things that are going to affect NT men in a bad way too).

Which not only is incorrect for a large sample of people here, but B19 and a couple of others here already mentioned the real issues and their posts were ignored. So were the at least three happily married men who posted here (four if you count Nick who's in a LTR) who all have wives that have little if anything in common with the way women are described in the OP.

There are some men here that actually do struggle with some of the issues mentioned (the good hygiene and grooming are utterly redundant as these are things that are helpful for anybody, regardless of gender and neurology) and there are also some women who are as shallow, judgemental and self-centred as mentioned in the OP. They will be a horrible match for autistic men whom, if they would actually bend out of shape to get in a relationship with them would end up miserable, since due to their own nature will never be able to please these women, while the nature and goals of such women will align very poorly with the kind of things most people on the spectrum value.

So, if Tiana is actually who she says she is and is well-intentioned, she is giving advice to autistic men on how to get into a relationship where both parties are going to be unhappy and unsatisfied.

I think it would be a good thing if instead of jumping straight into the deep end after just joining, she would spend some time here to find out who we are and what our real problems are and address the posts that disagree with her, instead of ignoring them.

Exactly. I posted something like this on another forum 1ce & got accused of being mean to women. I think I can still be a feminist & acknowledge this stuff. No where in that post did I state that I didn't support paid maturity leave or pay equality but claiming that some women might be pickier about men's income cuz of this stuff means I'm being offensive to women. Ironically it was guys jumping on my case more than women on that forum over that post.

^ This.

This ^

I don't like seeing the good men of WP spoken down to, in patronising tones, by anyone who claims to know what's best for them. The list which taught us that "Thank you" means "Thank you" (?) and "Goodnight" means "I'm upset with you" (?) was disingenuous at best.

It's a huge feminist issue. In the UK it seems that maternity pay is pretty good and you get enough time off to heal, but I hear stories from across the pond about people going back to work after a c section wound not fully healing and waitressing because they really can't afford to take more time off. It's really sad.

^ Also this.

I’m choosing to believe the OPs motives are honest and good: but found the first post more than a little offensive, and the choice is a conscious one against my instinct.
And yes: the advice in the original post is in essence “how to let your loneliness and desperation lead you by the nose to your own undoing”.
Best read as a checklist of traits to run away from as fast as you can.
Regardless of your neurology or gender.

@Tiana: I choose to believe you are trying to help, but please reconsider your approach: It’s not working.
You’re just offending a lot of people to no good end, and giving advice which if followed successfully to get a woman as you describe most NT women as being will do both parties to any such relationship more harm than good.

I know.

I’ve been there and done it.

I’ve got the scars.

Both literal and figurative.

And the shame that will linger a lifetime.

Don’t unintentionally trick any of the earnest young single men, or women for that matter, here into repeating my mistakes: they all deserve better than that.

It's because many autistic people are unaware of the nonverbal but emotional part of spoken language. (I'm nearly NT if it comes to language.) If they say "how interesting" and the speed is fast and the ton frequency is heigh or even raises towards the end it expresses excitement. If the speed is very low and ton lowers it expresses that its boring instead being interesting. If the ton and speed is low from the beginning it expresses irony or rejection. May be you are able to learn to hear this and to use it yourself but you may need to train it with somebody who is at least nearly NT.

@Tiana: Beside of the lack of any feeling how other people are which is quite common for Aspergers have many autistic people problems to receive or express emotions in one or more nonverbal communication ways. Many don't even generate as much feelings or are emotional just extremely disconnected. A few days ago I met a women who was able to do eye contact but neither showed nor responded to emotions in the eyes. Her language was OK. You have trouble to get people right if you are unable to notice their emotions. And people don't get you right once you are unable to express emotions a common way. That's the main problem of most autistic people who are rather high functional.
If you are kind of blind for the emotions of others and if you are preventing eye contact as many autist do then you are more likely to get in trouble with women then to find a nice girl that likes you.

There are also overly emotional and empathical people here too who have a diagnosis of ASD but they have quite different problems and usually not as many problems to find just a partner.

Btw.: You should check your messages. You'll find the link to the messages on top of the window after login.

I just wanna derail slightly & sincerely say how great I think it is that the women & men are getting along so well. I remember a time on this forum when anyone would mention a stereotype & it would unintentionally start a war between members arguing why the stereotype doesn't exist since it didn't apply to them & some others, & others would argue why the stereotype exist since it's been their experiences or things they've seen & heard about. I ended up in some of those wars myself & I'm sure I even started some by saying things the wrong way & blowing off steam when I was frustrated & angry. I think this forum is a lot more productive when we try to keep in mind where everyone is coming from.

Ok, I am gonna shoot more general observations regarding the many of NT women.

Here's a general stereotype: they're so quick to falsely label a straight guy as gay over the tiniest things.

- Fashion: Deep V collar shirts, super vivid colors, very tight shirt if you're skinny, any kind of ear jewelry, any kind of obvious makeup ...are some of the fashion things that would quickly make you labeled as gay by a lot of them.

- When you reject a woman: If you reject a woman who approached/asked you, this is the surest thing that will typically make her thinks you're gay, especially if the woman considers herself above average. And not only that, she will tell her friends about it and most female friends will believe her. So it will f**k up your chances with any crush.

- Never having a girlfriend: If you never had a girlfriend, most women around you will assume you're gay. That depends on the looks though, if you are ugly then they won't assume much, if you're handsome then many will certainly assume so.

- Behavior: Little things like if you wave your hand in a certain way while talking, your tone, if they've never seen you ogling or gazing on passing hot women (yes, it's a thing, true story here), or if you behave with your male friends in some certain ways (ie. hugging them), also if all your friends are female, ..... are some of the things that will make many of them assume you're gay.

Awaiting uproar....

I am guilty of making assumptions like that, but I would tactfully try and clarify if I was right. There is nothing negative about it, I like to compartmentalize things.