Living with singleness (and liking it)

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I'm not saying you shouldn't arm yourself. You should if you're responsible and coordinated enough to merit it, which I'd say most people, with a little instruction, are. The only reason I don't arm myself is I'd poke my eye out, so to speak, on whatever it was I armed myself with. It is worth it to make the odds on your side by whatever measure even though there's not guarantee. That's all I'm stressing is that there's no way to remove risk from the equation, no matter what weapon you've got.

By no means do you need to just let things happen to you. You can stare life down and make your stand however many times you have up to the day you make your final stand. Conversely, you can just laugh while the world burns. I certainly don't favor being passive however. Ironically, by not advocating suicide I am making a concession to conformity. Dying of natural causes when you want to die as soon as possible on your own terms is conforming to the way the world at large wants you to die instead of doing it on your own terms, which is a concession there are excellent reasons for making I should reiterate.

We all have to get by however we have to get by and delusions exist for a reason. I'm just saying that accepting reality is something people should not be afraid to do because other people want them to deny reality. Living in denial can be comforting and as long as it's not interfering with anyone else's rights to acknowledge reality I have no problem with that.

-Frank

I am not living in denial Frank, but I suppose I AM living in defiance . But I will say this:

Better to die on your feet than to live on your knees!

Now here's the deal with finding a romantic partner-for an aspie like cyberman to just wait for it to happen by chance, he
could end up waiting his whole life. More often than not, most people die without realizing their life is ending-it just HAPPENS and in most circumstances they cant foresee it coming Exactly when it comes. Getting the chance to reflect on your life on the exact day and time that you do is something VERY few people really get a chance to do so. That being said, if you want something like a relationship-its gonna take some effort. You cant rely on everything you want in life to just fall in your lap.

If you want to be in a relationship, sitting around waiting for it to happen probably isn't a winning strategy, agreed. My position is based upon acceptance that it probably won't happen combined with arguments for why not being in one is actually a good thing compared to being in one. Being in a relationship is only better than being single if it's with a rational person and for the right reasons. These things involve considerable amounts of luck as well as effort and you might end up in relationships like mine along the way.

It's not the reflection or lack thereof. It's the simple fact that life ends, and along with it the suffering. What's next? No one knows, so it's kind of a moot point I think. When that inevitable day comes for me, I just want to be sure I can say I lived life on my terms as much as I could.

-Frank

You have got to find hobbies. Things that will distract you from the pain. And then what you need to do is practice social skills and learn to be more outgoing. And then possibly start working out and get a job. And then once you have done all of this cool stuff I guarentee you will be a little more likely to make friends. And the older you get the nicer most people are so don't be afraid to open up to someone. Tell them you are not good with social skills but would love to hang out with them...or don't tell them. Nobody thinks "oh he has AS" they just think "Oh, that was awkward" and usually they will laugh...but seriously buddy, don't fret being lonely.

Intelligence is actually very lonely. However there are a lot of things you can be doing other than worrying if you will ever find the right woman...trust me, I know.

-Zane

Actually, I was reading about this movie Hard Candy in which Ellen Page plays a girl who plots to castrate a pedophile. Naturally, this caused a squirmy response in my male self, until the part where they mentioned part of her plot included anesthetic so there wouldn't be any pain. Putting myself in the similar circumstance, while naturally uphappy about being assaulted, I wouldn't be put off by the castration. Never use the things anyway after all.

-Frank

I personally have to try to dive into whatever special interest I have at the time and try to interact with people frequently so that I dont feel so alone/misunderstood

Right now Im going through my first serious breakup.

Ive become a backup organiser of the main local group about my special interest(I could have been the main organiser but I m living with my parents and sometimes they freak out about coming home late on a tuesday so I have to take big breaks).
I meet about 3 new people a week and while I suck remembering most of their names all of them seem to remember mine.
A close friend of mine(main organiser) is a bit surprised about how seriously Im taking things but I needed something to dive into and this works

I go to another group on a smaller scale on Thursdays as an average person

I will go to yet another group on the same subject today for the first time and I have somewhat high hopes for it(weekends are easier than week days when you considering the situation with my parents).

I have made some decent friendships from this groups and we organise outings outside of groups every now and then.

If Im meant to meet someone new I´ll come across them eventually, until then I keep myself busy

A few things..

1. The OP is written from a depressed pov. I could grab my copy of "Feeling Good," by Dr. David Burns and CBT the s**t out of it to prove it if the OP wishes to see what I mean.

2. Codependence. It sounds like the OP has a codependence on finding a partner in order to be happy, and thus w/o one they're miserable. Break that. Your happiness shouldn't depend on not being single, or being around certain people etc. There's no good reason you can't be perfectly content and even happy all by yourself. Learn to do it, it can be done. I know because I've managed to do it myself and continue to get better at it.

3. Learn to appreciate the freedom and joy that can comefrom solitude. Its pretty awesome not to have to answer to anyone, and to just go off and do whatever you like completely solo without a care in the world. I really really really enjoy my solitude while off hiking in the mountains and couldn't possibly care less if there isn't another soul in sight. Its just so.. Peaceful & rejuvinating. You might find the same in a walk, hike, bike, run or something else.

4. Be present. This is the second most valuable piece of advice I've ever received. Align your thoughts with what you're doing in the present moment and you'll be a heck of a lot happier for it vs thinking about other things (ie this topic, or anything else) as thought dictate emotions. (And emotions dictate actions.) Studies have proven that those who are thinking about what they're doing in the present moment vs any other thought feel happiest. The trick is to keep practicing it until it becomes second nature, then if your mind wanders, kick those other thoughts out and re-focus on the task at hand. There are many mental exercises and meditations you can learn to do to practice this and make it happen more and more often until it becomes relatively easy and routine. Then when its the exception, not the rule, that your thoughts go astray you'll have the mental toolbox to deal with the mechanics of your own mind and get things running along in synchronized timing again vs thinking about someone/something else, the past or the future.

Annnnnd once you do these things, chances are you'll be a happier healthier more confident you, and then the possibility of attracting a date/partner becomes much more of a probability - law of attraction, and all. If you're in good mental, physical, and spiritual balance with a positive outlook.. You won't even have to expend energy looking for someone, chances are they'll find you when you least expect it, or you'll mee them at random while you're out enjoying something you like doing for you - bonus, mutual interest number 1 taken care of! Think that's BS? Ok, fine, even if it is you'll still be a happier healthier more confident focused you once you break free of depression and having your own happiness codependent on anyone or anything else & learn to Be present - and all of that is worth the effort for yourself, the person you ought to value equally to or more so than any other on this planet.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.