What are Asperger girls like?

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Very insightful post - I've quoted the parts I can most relate to. I too have a problem imitating basic NT woman make-up, hair care, and clothing and all that. I tend to own one pair of shoes and don't buy another pair until they're so worn they're full of holes.

I actually had a guy tell me that I did the "hair flip" all wrong and it was very unappealing. WTH is this "hair flip" thing?? Is it some universal woman code I've only heard about now?

I am very picky - except not so much with appearance (my only criteria there is for the guy to be healthy - which cuts out overweight guys (although some guys naturally appear a bit overweight because of their body type, which is fine), and underweight guys - again excepting body type; more if they're covered in pimples, greasy hair, etc from eating the wrong foods). As far as muscle tone, hair colour, eye colour, skin colour, etc I have no preference at all. What I'm getting at is that I've very picky with personality.

I think I too sometimes turn the cold shoulder to a guy when he's hitting on me (if I'm not interested in him that way - which is 99.9% of guys) simply because I don't know the right way to respond, and I feel trapped and try to push them away in order to escapre.

^I don't know, I know an awful lot of NT girls who also don't flip their hair or look very groomed.....

I think it's more of status thing as well a cultural one. Always good to take care of yourself but I wouldn't come to the conclusion that coloring your hair, wearing nice outfits, getting manicures, getting facials, wearing makeup, and so on comes "natural" to females. You also have to keep in mind the cost of affording that kind of maintenance. I worked with a girl who was real into that and I couldn't afford nearly even a half of the comsmetic stuff she was into.

Plus I've seen some really good looking aspie girls in the members forum...so I don't think being a girl and looking bad is exclusivley just an aspie trait.

I will say, I think maybe flirting is an effort for many of us since it involves social engagement.....and part of the autistic spectrum is having social developmental "problems"...or as I'd like to call quirks.

How do you know for sure they have AS?



The biggest problem for whom? You and those like you?

Thanks -- I've made quite the hobby of people-watching these past few years, and probably all of my life. The most fun for me is to read a body language book (or reread one), then go out into the "field" like a mall or a crowded street and watch life imitate art.

When talking to each other, or a man, women do a lot of things that are interesting. The hair flip is nice because it is usually done in a sensuous, soft way that kind of caresses the woman's own hair -- I think women in general like having their hair-caressed, so it's sort of a self-comfort and a signal to the man (though not a serious one). It also bares the neck, something that is a sexual signal in many species, including our own. Whatever these signals are, they often are very obvious to other women, though not so for other men per se (men are 50% likely to guess wrong). I've had multiple NT women tell me I was about to start dating someone before I even realized it, just based on the reaction of the girl I was talking to.

Even when just walking towards a man or another woman, women do a lot of self-grooming behaviors, regardless in many cases of how the man looks. Things like straightening the top (but only by grabbing the forward and rear edges of the blouse or shirt, never by touching in the cleavage area), fixing the hair with one hand by throwing it back over the shoulder, and consciously breaking eye contact. In the case of another woman, they may size the woman up with the "elevator look" or scrutinize her outfit in another way. Sit on a bench sometime at a mall, or just walk around, and notice what people do as they come up to you.

I used to hope that my crush was reacting to me in a nervous way that meant she liked me (like you say above), but I don't think it's the case. I think I might be too big, too scary, and too different from her. I got a frantic "hi" wave last week that seemed to state the opposite of what she said (more like "keep away" than "hi"), and I just can't decode her, because other times she just seems very bored and nonchalant. I do know she's friendly to other people, but not to me at all, really. It's actually frigging puzzling, as usually I get a much better reaction out of 90% of Asian or Asian American women -- they're my key demographic (apparently they like big, blond men). So, with this woman I've decided to keep my distance, not comment on her Facebook (unless she comments first), and not bother someone who obviously doesn't want to be my friend, which is all I want (nothing more).

billsmithglendale, I grew up in LA and the best places for peoplewatching are Disneyland and LAX. Everybody is so preoccupied, nobody notices that you're staring! I used to do that all the time. It's a great education...

Oh yeah! Both of those are a bit of people-watching overload, but great locations. LAX was better pre-9/11, as you could go to the gates without having a ticket, both to wait for your relatives and to people-watch. Now you have to wait in that crappy area just adjacent to the luggage claim....

My other rationale in people-watching, besides making general observations, is to spot people I find attractive. I don't plan to act on it, but I have like a mental catalog of people I've seen that I find attractive, and I love to add to that catalog...

Aspie girls are like all other girls - terrifying but secretly infatuated with me

True 'dat.



Good point. I had almost forgotten those days of waiting for my grandparents by the gate. I miss that.



I do that, too. I have found I definitely have a 'type', with a subtype or two.

KittenWithAWhip..I'm getting a mental image.......

Probably.

As for me, I've had had eight years of trying to adapt to the world around me, so I do kind of pay attention to fashion and if I go out the house I do wear make up, pluck my eyebrows, wear perfume, and I do have some friends although I don't see them very often anymore. But I still need a lot of time to myself, I don't know how to do the whole "empathy" thing, I can't do too much things involving going out the house or I'll get depressed, and I'll always love my computer more than any person. Lol.

I'm generally more attracted to girls than to boys, and I gotta say I kind of try to be a girl I'd be attracted to myself. Sure, personality is probably the most important aspect of a lasting relationship, but there has to be at least SOME physical attraction as well. Doing something with your looks helps with that.

Well no, it doesn't come natural - but it's one of those social adaptation things I think. Personally, I don't get it, I hate the concept, and I don't intend to change. Obviously I try to look nice, and I am always clean and wear presentable clothes. I try to make sure I always wear new looking shoes, but shoe shopping is hard for me because I have weird sized feet, and I find shopping a bit of a stressful experience so I don't do it half as much as other girls my age.

The other thing is that I don't think it's attractive. The dead, whispy, peroxide/rough black hair; the heavy mask like make up; the black eyes; the identical outfits (even if it doesn't suit their figure); the horrible brown peeling tanned skin. I hope I don't offend anyone, but that's just how I feel personally.

It is interesting to observe others.

Interesting -- I have noticed that with some lesbian couples (not all), there is sort of a "twinning" effect going on there, where the women look the same (same race, height, etc.) and try to sync up their outfits. I always wondered if there was a subset of gay women for whom lesbianism came from a form of narcissism or being uncomfortable with the rest of the world and anything outside of themselves. I still tend to think a lot of lesbians just have male brain wiring (just like how a lot of gay men seem to have female brain wiring), but I don't see the "twinning" effect in the male gay world as much.

Places where this effect is the most obvious -- locations where gay women go on vacation a lot. Observe the gay women couples and the syncing of outfits in the cases where there isn't one butch or dominant partner -- pretty interesting.

this is my new favorite post on WP.

What are we like? Nuts?

Too emotional, not emotional at the right time, wacky, love animals too much, need too much affection, hate to touch, need reassurance, analyze everything way too much, need privacy, don't make sense, too sensitive, can't be understood...

Why bother?

It all depends on the aspie girl, what other problems she has, how servere the AS is, and what her insecurities are.

You can't lump women into two catergories, aspie and NT. I can only tell you what applies for myself.

I can't get enough of guys im actually into. Everyone else - I'm happy just to be left alone.
I have meltdowns on a regular basis
I often look worse for wear... I hate making myself look good most days because I can't be bothered, and no matter how hard I try it never looks as good as other people anyway.
I always say inappropriate things.

^ Agree with most of that.

I've also only been realizing lately that I know absolutely nothing about human behavior and how they think. I'm extremely easy to manipulate because I always assume someone is telling the truth.. after all.. why would they lie?

My new aspie boyfriend has spent a lot of time studying psychology and human behavior and has figured out a lot about this stuff and is trying to explain some of it to me.

I know and care nothing about status symbols or hierarchy... I do not like spending time with people and see no benefit in making friends... I talk to myself in public.. I space out and stare a random direction... I rub my fingers together in an odd manner as a stim... I always, always sit with my legs under me in some manner, never on the floor... I love to sing jingles and kids songs... any time I am sitting at home I always have my pillow with me, its soft and I rub it with my fingers constantly... I wear a blanket on my lap at work (while sitting on my feet with my shoes off)... As much as I hate the idea of being 'high maintenece' I'm very obsessive about people that I care about and tend to monopolize their attention ... If I had an assumption about what I would be doing today and something came up that required a change in plans, I freak out and get very unhappy... I often feel like life is not real and this isn't my home - looks a lot like it though...

*shrug* those are some of my odd characteristics.