The importance of lying to getting a girlfriend

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Here's an article about lying to women, and how women "force" men to lie.

This suggests that it's essential to lie to women if you want a date or sex or anything from them, because of the way the world is now. I think this is true with a lot of women... and helps explain the AS communication discrepancy that men have. We're way too honest... Not just being too honest right away, but being honest period. I guess we need to learn to be liars unless we want to be single forever.

http://ca.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_1 ... dvice.html

My opinion: That article is a lie.

It seems like the only sort of relationship that kind of thinking can lead to is a short, shallow one, because it'll be over as soon as the truth comes out (and it always will).

I'm not interested in a close relationship with someone who is lying about themselves, or who doesn't care if I'm lying to them. And I can't believe that all women are the way that article characterized them.

As I said, that's my opinion.

I agree that one would probably feel compelled to lie due to the intolerant nature of dating, but I wouldn't want a relationship based on lies. Honestly, I would rather remain single.

I, for one, don't care what a guy's job is or what car he has. But I don't like liars.

outright lying is a bit over the top. you should focus on using euphemisms and cool sounding names for shameful things, for example- if you're a cleaner, tell her you're a Flat Surfaces Manager, if you're a janitor you're a Maintenace Director. if you have an old car say it's "vintage" etc

The cake is a lie; the article only encourages deception and false behaviors. There is a different between lying, and finding a sense of humor - the 'flat surfaces manager' comment earlier in the thread made me chuckle. I've told people I that I herd cats for a living before explaining that I work with teaching music to high school students... tends to get an appreciative response. But lying in the context of a relationship only means that it will crack and fall apart sooner instead of later. One might get more nibbles, but in the end the creel will be empty.


M.

I stand halfway between saying "forget this guy, he's wrong" and "yes, there's some truth to it". I think the lies that are about you as a person are stupid and you truly can't build a relationship that way. His example of "my BMW is in the shop" or "my job is X" when it's actually only done in the same building as X are stupid lies and I can't advise them. You will be caught out and look like a pathetic idiot. And the entire time that aren't caught out, you will be like a rat in a cage, having to invent a series of places where "your" BMW is or having to create all sorts of related lies to support the lie that "your" job is X. This happens constantly in comedies to hilarious effect. But in real life it would be an exhausting way to live.

But there is one kind of lie that he's right about. And that's not lying about yourself and who you are, but rather lying about her looks. All women get old and most women get pregnant, two things that mess with both the self image and the actual image of any woman. There is no hotness exemption. In fact, a hot woman might want (nay, require) this sort of lie even more than a regular woman. Do you think Brad Pitt told a 9 months pregnant Angelina Jolie that she looked better when she was filming "Mr. and Mrs. Smith?" I wasn't in their bedroom but even so I can assure you that he did not.

So if in the name of Aspie honesty you have ever told a woman that she looks ok but that other woman over there looks so much better, then perhaps you SHOULD listen to this guy. But limit yourself to sugercoating her looks. Don't invent a BMW or a job you don't have.

Of course I'm NT so I have no idea if the "sugercoat her looks" rule applies to Aspie women. Is it ok to say to your 9 months pregnant Aspie wife, "I had no idea you would get so big. I mean, I know there's a baby in there but still..."? I don't know. Maybe it is. But if your wife is NT, don't.

Last edited by Janissy on 11 Aug 2009, 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm still at a loss as to why men think the type of car and high paying job would attract women unless they were gold diggers or wanted to be taken care.....

None of the females in my family have dated guys like that. That's also not going to be a real good indicator in whether you will attract a chick or not especially the lying.....that is unless she's totally naive. It might have some pros but not a lot if you're wanting more than a sexual escapade.

As far nowadays are concerned, I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with it. Attraction is attraction and dating is dating. I don't think society has too much to do with accounting on what people find attractive...some but not a lot.

I haven't had to lie about income, but I have lied and said that I am liberal and an atheist, so people wouldn't think I was bigoted, racist, or homophobic.

I wouldn't give that article any credibility at all. Something I noticed a long time ago about most magazines, especially ones that claimed an emphasis or specialization in fitness, men's matters, etc., is that they are all pretty much filled with crap. The writers are lazy with their stories, and will tell outright lies just to fill up space. This is why the publishing industry is almost bankrupt -- we finally realized we don't have to pay extra for crap, we already pay for it on our cable bills and have it piped into our homes. Men's Health magazines are especially bad -- they will routinely contradict themselves from one month to the next.

I wouldn't trust that article at all -- it's not worth the time or effort. I certainly wouldn't let it influence how I feel about life and relationships.

I rarely lie to girls about these kinds of things (I once said that I work as a network admin, when I'm really a network technician, but that's not a big deal). If the girl says she's a conservative christian, I will be straight up honest and tell her that I'm a progressive inclined towards democratic socialism and that I'm an atheist.

All relationships are based on lies men lie the most women tell the biggest lies.

Also, when I told people the truth about being conservative, I attracted people who didn't like the Simpsons and South Park, and didn't believe in premarital or non-procreational sex.

...but in the effort to not be labeled a bigot, racist, or homophobe, you have instead chosen the moniker of liar for yourself? Sorry if that comes across as rude, but what you are saying makes no sense to me. The woman I love and I don't agree on a lot of things; it is only a problem when we aren't being completely honest with each other. Be yourself and learn to be appreciated for it instead of ashamed; you'll find more effect there than in putting a new facade on the same person/impression you still dislike in yourself.


M.

Maybe that is the reason why I don't do well with relationships. I HATE to lie.

Yes, I have lied in the past, for it is human nature to do so. But luckily for me, one can easily tell when I have done so, and I cannot live with the guilt afterwards of not being truthful. I, do and will until my grave, believe that a relationship has to be made upon trust and HONESTY!! ! Be honest. Lying only causes misery for both either at the moment, or in the future.

I agree and disagree with you.

Yes, I think most magazines are crap and are disposable. However, I think most people are unaware of that fact, and interpret anything they read as true, due to their naivety, and begin to apply to there own life, thus making it true.

Next, I will take the things I've seen in my own life, in my social group. The guys I know who have good looking girlfriends, they're usually liars and manipulators. The single frustrated guys? Usually very honest, noble, and respectful towards women.

The honest guys I know with women are married, and are guys who I would see as having a hard time dating if they hadn't gotten married so young. I am not in this category, nor will I ever be, as I'll probably be at least 30 by the time I get married if at all.

I would love to agree with you wholeheartedly, but I have yet to see this in real life. Of course, there are equalizing variables like A) being very popular or B) being very rich. If you have either of these, I think you can bypass the lying to some degree and still achieve X) getting a girl/sex/whatever, if you so choose.