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Gremmie
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16 Jan 2010, 6:09 am

I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me. We yelled a bit last night because I'm too much of a fool to be able to put all the evidence together to work out how he's feeling and not over-pressure him right now, and he didn't just tell me how he was feeling so I'd have known how to react to stuff.
Now he's gone away so I'm not going to see him for the rest of the weekend. I know he's thinking about breaking up with me because he left an angry message. Obviously (hopefully) he's not going to do it by text or anything when he's coming back so soon, but now I really need to find a way to keep myself occupied until he gets back. Any suggestions or other advice? Sorry for the rant. :(



Lene
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16 Jan 2010, 7:47 am

It sounds as if he just needs a bit of space; I'd leave him alone for the rest of the weekend and contact him on Monday. He shouldn't expect you to be a mind reader. NT or aspie, it's hard to tell what other people are feeling until you know them pretty well.

When you see him next week, apologise for annoying him and ask him how to tell when he's tired. Explain that you'll do your best but won't always pick up the signs. If he won't at least try to see things from your angle, then he's not really worth stressing about I'm afraid.

As for keeping yourself occupied, go for a walk with a friend or your mum or even by yourself. You may still be preoccupied, but exercise really helps. Watching crappy tv is also useful.



HopeGrows
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16 Jan 2010, 11:41 am

I know the fear of losing a relationship can be overwhelming (for a lot of different reasons)....but are you sure you want to be with him? It sounds like your bf blamed you completely for something that was equally his fault, and is now punishing you for it. It doesn't matter if it's an Aspie/NT or Aspie/Aspie or NT/NT relationship, each party is responsible for communicating his/her own needs.

If this is just an isolated incident, you may want to use your time to figure out how to improve communication in your relationship, and talk with him about it next week. If this is a pattern of behavior, you might use the weekend to think about what you want out of a relationship with a man, and figure out if he's meeting your needs.



Gremmie
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16 Jan 2010, 1:04 pm

Honestly I'm pretty sure the blame lies with me on this one. I guess if we don't break up I'll have to talk to him. He did tell me how he reacts when he gets too stressed or tired so it's not like I had no warning. I guess the problem is he's pretty much always stressed and tired right now but precisely how badly does vary day to day, so I reckon I probably just need to ask him to either tell me when it's too much or tell me when it's not and the rest of the time I'll leave him be.
Part of me feels like I should be able to work this stuff out, I mean we've been together over a year but I'm still just so clueless half the time. Basically I'm planning to just leave him alone until he wants to contact me right now. When I know where he stands I can work out what to do next.



ToadOfSteel
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16 Jan 2010, 1:08 pm

Alone time is a good thing, and is healthy in relationships. Even if you absolutely love someone, you won't want to be around them 24/7. I know this from experience: as much as I loved my ex (and admittedly still do), I couldn't stand to be around her all the time.



Gaya
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16 Jan 2010, 1:24 pm

Aw, being yelled at is scary. 8O No matter what, it is never wise or helpful to yell at the person you're in a relationship with. If I were you I might discuss this element with him. Tell him it's okay for him to talk to you if there's something he's not happy about, but yelling is unacceptable.

To keep occupied... maybe write in a journal, watch your favorite movies marathon-style, take a hot bath, reorganize a collection you might have, clean, go shopping for an item you've been putting off buying, learn how to cook a new recipe, spend time with a friend you haven't seen in a while, take a long walk, make playlists of your favorite music, play with your animals if you have any, work out... I'm just throwing out suggestions.



Gremmie
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16 Jan 2010, 4:41 pm

Thanks people. You've all been really helpful. He has now emailed me just saying he doesn't really want to discuss things right now, but letting me know he's not planning on breaking up with me right now because he knows I'll just worry about it until he tells me. Seriously, he's awesome.
I know I've probably got to talk to him at some point but that can wait until he wants to.

Also ToadOfSteel - Don't worry, I know that spending all of your time together is a bad thing. I would never actually want to do that. I would have been perfectly happy not seeing him or talking to him this weekend if we hadn't had all that drama at the start.



Lene
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16 Jan 2010, 4:49 pm

Gremmie wrote:
Thanks people. You've all been really helpful. He has now emailed me just saying he doesn't really want to discuss things right now, but letting me know he's not planning on breaking up with me right now because he knows I'll just worry about it until he tells me.


That's kinda sweet of him. Good luck to the pair of you :)



KittenWithAWhip
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17 Jan 2010, 2:30 am

[quote="Gremmie"]I know I've probably got to talk to him at some point but that can wait until he wants to.

And now you can at least sleep tonight. :wink:


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