So there's this girl...

Post Reply New Topic

So there's this girl I like in my junior college class and I was wondering what I should do.

I haven't been able to work up the courage to talk to her outside of group assignments yet.

I did ask her if she wanted to go over last week's homework with me, but that was only after the teacher made it abundantly clear that everyone needed to find a partner. And neither of us had a partner yet. After I asked her, it went pretty well. I kept up my side of the conversation, even though it was strictly school related. And I even made enough eye contact to find out what color her eyes are.

I haven't been able to say anything to her non-school related. I couldn't even manage a "hello." It's not that my social anxiety is that severe, I just like her and don't want to mess things up this quickly.

I should probably mention that I've never kissed, dated or even flirted with a girl before.

You know most people. NT's included, are terrified of people they find attractive. It's really an involuntary autonomic response.

I think the fastest way to "mess things up" is to not talk to her, because no one can differentiate between someone avoiding them because they like them and avoiding them because they hate them.

I would go as far as to say, as a teenager, even though you're a slightly older one, it might work to your advantage if you come off as nervous when you speak to her because she'll likely realize very quickly that you like her and this will spare you from getting trapped in the friend zone. She will either be open to getting to know you more, or she might just not be interested for whatever reason but I think it's better to learn that earlier rather than later for various reasons.

Here is a way you can transition from school talk to something more casual. The most important thing to keep in mind when talking to her is that she's a human being first with regular human being interests. She really isn't all that different from you.

You: I hope I get my homework finished tonight so I can (insert something fun you like to do, like BBQ with your dad or go see a movie or something)

Her reply will probably be something of the sort expressing a similar sentiment. Maybe she will complain about her homework and offer some information on what she likes to do for fun. Maybe she will comment about one of the things you implied you like to do for fun. Maybe she will just say "Yeah"

If she just "Yeah" then you can ask her what she usually does in her spare time. If she comments on the latter issues, you will have to construct your reply in the context of her reply, but the goal should generally be to establish or exhibit that you have common sentiments or interests in something.

You might also take the opportunity to suggest something like "Why don't we take a break from studying and you can come see it with me when it comes out?" if you are talking about a movie coming out. Or "My dad grills the best chicken, you should come over and try it some time," for example.

You do not have to explicitly ask her out but you can make comments implying that you would enjoy her company and leave the prospect open to her in the future.

But also keep in mind that just because she is open to these prospects does not always indicate she is interested as more than a friend, so you should not have such expectations of her.

Thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it.