Anyone else not feel the urge for a long term relationship?

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Alla
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07 Jun 2010, 3:22 pm

I am 27 and have never felt the need for a long term relationship. I've had a couple of short terms which I ended because of life commitments and frankly, I didn't see them going anywhere.
Every time I think of a long term relationship, even with another aspie that I am highly interested in for some time, I get freaked out. I am afraid that being in a long term relationship will lead to my loss of freedom and fall into boredom like so many other relationships. I also feel that other people are not to be trusted (strange, as I grew up in a loving family!) I'd rather travel and have short term relationships. I have no desire to have a family either.

Is this an aspie thing?



Abraham
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07 Jun 2010, 3:31 pm

You are empowering yourself through self-knowledge and acknowledging your real desires ... do what is best for you, and don't try to emulate other people thinking that their way is the best way.



Moog
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07 Jun 2010, 3:46 pm

I can relate. I get the urge to dump relationships at the first sniff of difficulty or boredom. Is it an aspie thing? Don't know.

If a relationship really has nothing to offer you, then there's no point persisting with it, but I have found that sticking around through 'boring' times can lead to an even deeper and more meaningful relationship later on. A sustaining relationship can't always be a laugh a minute rollercoaster.

How about learning to manage your feelings instead of letting them drive you out of relationships? You can be yourself with your freedom and be in a relationship, though there may have to be some compromises.

If you are truly happy with the way you are, then all power to you. But you don't sound entirely convinced or convincing, to me.


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Willard
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07 Jun 2010, 6:21 pm

I do think its a fairly common Aspie thing, however, I think a lot of people with AS do not come to the realizations that you have had until after they've attempted relationships multiple times and failed tragically over and over. After awhile you kind of reach a point where you just say to yourself "You know what - the agony is just not worth the effort."

However, I do have a great kid from one of those disasters and I'm very happy about that. And though none of those experiences worked out long term, I don't regret them all, just most of them. :P



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08 Jun 2010, 12:17 am

I like company a lot but try and close off most of the time so I can cope with being lonely. No desire for a boyfriend, I'm happy single. As long as I have dreams and ambitions.



Northeastern292
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10 Jun 2010, 3:44 pm

Sorry, but I actually aim for long term relationships, and have strong urges for them.



Merle
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11 Jun 2010, 12:07 am

Same,I don't plan for a long term relationship... They just seem to turn out that way. Kinda like a stray cat (which decide to sit on my lap). They just hang out as long as the living is good and turn into a long term relationship.

Best relationship I ever had started out that way :)



RICKY5
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11 Jun 2010, 8:28 pm

You occasionally feel it but then get snapped back to reality when you read about guys getting destroyed in divorce court or watch an episode of Bridezillas...



Leander
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11 Jun 2010, 9:09 pm

I've only ever been interested in a long term relationship, myself, ever since I was young, so I'm not sure it's an Aspergers thing. I've kind of always thought about relationships in terms of all or nothing - if I'm going to let someone in, it would have to be for genuine love. Not sure whether that's a bad thing or not.



MissConstrue
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11 Jun 2010, 9:10 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
You occasionally feel it but then get snapped back to reality when you read about guys getting destroyed in divorce court or watch an episode of Bridezillas...


Oh geez, ladies and gents we have a man who only sits around either getting a BJ from a woman he payed or is watching an outdated series.

Grow up RICK! In my family and so many others I've known, women have had to work while the guy stayed home not doing a goddamn thing!

I don't mind you putting down romance but don't sit here like men are the ones who have to bare the brunt because as far as I've seen, it's been the opposite way around.


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RICKY5
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11 Jun 2010, 10:47 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
RICKY5 wrote:
You occasionally feel it but then get snapped back to reality when you read about guys getting destroyed in divorce court or watch an episode of Bridezillas...


Oh geez, ladies and gents we have a man who only sits around either getting a BJ from a woman he payed or is watching an outdated series.

Grow up RICK! In my family and so many others I've known, women have had to work while the guy stayed home not doing a goddamn thing!

I don't mind you putting down romance but don't sit here like men are the ones who have to bare the brunt because as far as I've seen, it's been the opposite way around.


Simply using Bridezillas as an example...

I am busy working and making a life for myself in between entertaining some rather attractive 20 year olds...

And whose fault is it for staying with a useless man who doesn't lift a finger but is probably decent in bed? :roll:

In my family, it was the opposite. My father threw away his life trying to keep a evil self-centered woman happy.



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12 Jun 2010, 4:34 pm

After watching too many of my friends waste their lives in destructive relationships just because they were terrified of solitude, I'm glad I've chosen to wait for Ms. Right.