Ignoring the advances of people at work

Post Reply New Topic

I don't think I am the type of person that can handle mixing my work environment with romantic involvement. It would just complicate what is already a difficult place for me to navigate. People are competitive and I have to keep on my toes to figure things out for myself.

That being said, I've had two women in the last few weeks show interest in me. One is a tech from down one floor who is always coming up and starting conversations and throwing some big hints my way that she likes me outside of friendship. She is sweet and attractive. I think I would be interested in her if I would have met her outside of work. The second actually runs a department that is important to my work. I have a couple of people that I work with closely who question why I never talk about having an interest in women. It is just not something I openly discuss, but I did mention I thought that the second woman was very attractive. I think it got back to the second woman who was suddenly much more talkative and was smiling while touching my hand. I ended up thanking her for all her help and didn't move on what I thought were good signals.

How is the best way to retain things as they are? I mean I like these people, but I don't want to pursue anything beyond what we have now. I think they are expecting me to make some move which I don't think I am willing to do. To be clear, neither has come out and suggested we go and do something together outside of work, but it is obvious to others that at least the first likes me.

Maybe bring up casually in conversation that Tom Lekyis stated it's bad to fish off the company pier.

Just explain that you enjoy talking to her but you don't want to dip your pen in the company ink

IMO, not going after girls from work is silly, but maybe I'll understand why it's a bad thing to do when I actually go to work myself. Meh.

The whole work thing is because it makes things complicated after break up.

Also it can cause professional boundary issues. Plus some work places if people are all in bed with each other it means there is a greater incentive to conspire to hide malpractice and protect people from facing the consequence of their actions. It's one of the ways cultures of abuse are created in social care settings.

The second lady seems like maybe she's just interested in having her ego stroked. The first sounds like she has a crush on you.

I understand not wanting to get involved with someone at work for the fallout of breaking up but also because of people talking.

My mom and stepdad met through work and I know a couple that are prefect for each other who did, too. I wouldn't rule out the one who clearly likes you if you think it might be worth a try. It's hard to meet people otherwise, I think. You could at least be friends - I mean people move from company to company fairly frequently, so if it's just a matter of having the same employer, at least you could keep up a friendship with her that might have the potential of turning into something more later.

First of all, try keep this in perspective and try to take something positive from your predicament. You have two attractive women vying for your attention - there are worse things that can happen to you

However I fully understand your concern in this case. The game of love and attraction can be a tough business. Their feelings might be a little hurt if you chose not to take your business relationship to another level, but that is not your problem . Sounds a little cruel, but that is just the way it is and it's okay. They'll get over it and be just fine.Just keep your interaction with them friendly but professional and they will catch on eventually.

Keep in mind that it is okay to flirt with someone just because it's fun, it doesn't have to lead to anything more serious.

When I first saw this topic I thought it was about people who miss the clues.
OMG that is so me you would not believe it.

I can think of at least a half dozen times where a female coworker dropped
hints the size of sixteen pound bowling balls and I was completely clueless.
Once I got diagnosed as an Aspie and learned about it everything suddenly made
sense, including the cryptic quips from fellow male workers who were saying
things like "Hey man, are you ignoring her on purpose?" or "what's wrong with "X" any
guy would kill to go out with her".

And it has happened in real life more times than I can count.
My male friends are constantly all over me..."Are you serious, she was totally
interested in you, you couldn't see that?"

No, I didn't "see that" because it just goes completely over my head!

your female coworkers will think your ghey if you dont hit them back with the flirting, jobs are nothing more than highschool all over again, exept everyones already grown up. believe me if you havent shown any intrest in them im shure the rumors are flying. sad really, when i worked i also couldnt mix business with pleasure. i was there to work and that was it, flirting was the last thing on my mind!

I wish, I had some earth shattering advice but i dont, exept to say i know exatley how you feel!

Tell them that you're already sleeping with a girl.