Rules in regards to chatting with near-strangers on Facebook

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Northeastern292
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31 Mar 2011, 2:18 pm

So, I just got out of a somewhat uneasy two and a half month relationship and I'm trying to eventually pursue a relationship with a girl who I have been attracted to for some time now. Thing is that we don't know each other that well at all, except maybe some passing by at events at the school we both go to, and yes, the root of all evil, Facebook. I'm trying to get a conversation rolling, but it's been nerve wrecking. I sent her a simple "hey!" on Facebook and haven't heard back. (Take note this was through Facebook Chat).

Let me lay down some things first:

1) I know the rule NOT to date while in the rebound phase. It's not good to do at all.
2) Her friends aren't really thrilled about me (in fact at least one buddy of hers hates me).

Would it be better to introduce myself in person if I have the opportunity? Or just let this one fall by the wayside (as in just move on, which I wouldn't entirely mind)?

Anyways, I want to know if there are some rules in regards to starting conversations with near strangers on Facebook. (I mean by near strangers someone you go to college with but are in totally different programs and whatnot, and only have a few friends in common).



Roman
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31 Mar 2011, 2:33 pm

There aren't such rules, these are just good advice that might be good for some situations and not others.

As far as not dating on rebound, that assumes that you still like your ex and thats why can't appreciate some stranger instead. In your case you actually liked that other girl MORE than the one you ended things, so that isnt' the case. I would say go for the one you really like. Forget about 2 and a half month relationship, you never got any attachment there that would hold you back.



Northeastern292
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31 Mar 2011, 2:42 pm

Roman wrote:
There aren't such rules, these are just good advice that might be good for some situations and not others.

As far as not dating on rebound, that assumes that you still like your ex and thats why can't appreciate some stranger instead. In your case you actually liked that other girl MORE than the one you ended things, so that isnt' the case. I would say go for the one you really like. Forget about 2 and a half month relationship, you never got any attachment there that would hold you back.


You might be right in some ways. My last relationship was in some ways a nightmare, as I put a lot into it, but it still was rocky, along with the fact that her younger sister despised me. The new girl is slightly similar to my ex: both are music majors.



albertwesker
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31 Mar 2011, 4:04 pm

i say if you can talk to them in person, talk to them in person



Northeastern292
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31 Mar 2011, 10:04 pm

albertwesker wrote:
i say if you can talk to them in person, talk to them in person


Well guess who I ran into at Walmart this evening and had a nice yet quick chat with? (not to brag)

Many of us Aspies could use something that I wish I had more of: courage.



TheWeirdPig
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01 Apr 2011, 11:46 am

Northeastern292 wrote:
2) Her friends aren't really thrilled about me (in fact at least one buddy of hers hates me).


Northeastern292 wrote:
My last relationship was in some ways a nightmare, as I put a lot into it, but it still was rocky, along with the fact that her younger sister despised me.


What makes you feel like these people hat or despise you? You might have a hard time in any relationship if that is really the case.



Northeastern292
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01 Apr 2011, 1:59 pm

TheWeirdPig wrote:
Northeastern292 wrote:
2) Her friends aren't really thrilled about me (in fact at least one buddy of hers hates me).


Northeastern292 wrote:
My last relationship was in some ways a nightmare, as I put a lot into it, but it still was rocky, along with the fact that her younger sister despised me.


What makes you feel like these people hat or despise you? You might have a hard time in any relationship if that is really the case.


Okay, first, I had an infatuation towards one of her friends. This friend blocked me on Facebook, because of some reason I still don't fathom (that or I got involved in a mutual friend's business). But this was back in '08, so it's nearly two and a half years ago. Things change, people change.

Second, my relationship with my ex was rocky towards the end. Her parents are quite strict, and her sister is quite judgmental towards her boyfriends. And I know that I'm also at fault here because I tend to blab my mouth too much, sometimes I'm too open about my personal life, etc. And I know that I have to work on my own behaviors to make a relationship last well.