Need some advice with girls.

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silenthawk
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04 Aug 2011, 3:23 pm

I am almost 16 years old, and I have never had a girlfriend. Sure, I've had friends who were girls, but I never really know how to start a conversation with them. And if I am having a conversation with them, I sometimes feel awkward like I am afraid I'll screw up and say something I shouldn't. I am not very good at continuing conversations either. I just want to feel more comfortable talking to them. Got any tips?



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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04 Aug 2011, 3:35 pm

Okay, one item of advice I wish someone would have given me, be open to girls slightly older than yourself.

undertry. That's kind of the zen of it all :? , you try to undertry. Sounds paradoxical and it is.

So, the internal censor which I think we all have, both people on the spectrum and people supposedly 'normal' (no such thing as 'normal' anyway!), the internal censor which reviews something before you say it. I have had some success making a conscious decision to turning down my internal censor so that the default setting is that it's probably okay to go ahead and say it, unless it really jumps out at me that it's clearly inappropriate.

Just let a medium mistake be a medium mistake. Don't feel you need to make up for it, which often compounds it.

A few conversational wildcards like "Okay" or "Wow" which both give me and the other person pause, and seems to ping pong it back and forth in a good way.

Being open to appreciating her. Not making yourself appreciate, that's overtrying.

And realizing that a conversation has a pace and a rhythm, and adding skills of easy and natural leavetaking.



Jessi_in_wonderland
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05 Aug 2011, 10:30 pm

Just make a joke about an observation about what is happening around you.Smile and say Hi, how's it going.Or, So what's up?



Tayribeiro
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05 Aug 2011, 10:43 pm

Well, you may try reading articles and papers on women psychology and how to approach and trigger attraction on women, i live in a very sexist place and i was often seen as "pega ninguem"(slang for loner), im sure that if you take some time to research these topics, you will socialize with people in a better way, maybe not natural to you, but you'll be acting natural to them, i would say that drinking a little might also help, but you're only 16, and i believe you don't need that.



Chronos
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06 Aug 2011, 3:17 am

silenthawk wrote:
I am almost 16 years old, and I have never had a girlfriend. Sure, I've had friends who were girls, but I never really know how to start a conversation with them. And if I am having a conversation with them, I sometimes feel awkward like I am afraid I'll screw up and say something I shouldn't. I am not very good at continuing conversations either. I just want to feel more comfortable talking to them. Got any tips?


For some reason, a lot of people your age think being 16 and not having had a girlfriend or boyfriend is abnormal. Let's put this in perspective though. Three years ago, which seems like a long time to you but as soon as your brain development slows down, you'll find out really isn't all that long ago, you were 13.

So you've really not had much time to find someone and form a relationship with them if we assume most people don't become interested in dating until sometime after the age of 12.

If the path to a relationship were a cross country journey, you've just rolled down the driveway and out into the street.

At your age, you don't have to be a good conversationalist. Girls still long the strong but silent type. To be perfectly honest, if you really want a girlfriend your age, just pop in a twilight movie and take notes from that Edward guy they all swoon over....leave out anything about murder and blood if they mention it (I've never actually seen the movie I just know girls swoon over it).



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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07 Aug 2011, 4:40 pm

Tayribeiro wrote:
. . . take some time to research these topics, you will socialize with people in a better way, maybe not natural to you, but you'll be acting natural to them, i would say that drinking a little might also help, but you're only 16, and i believe you don't need that.

once you reach legal drinking age . . .

Okay, three out of my four grandparents had struggles with alcoholism, and my Dad has had his struggles, so I think it's safe to say I'm not exacting a real big fan of drinking!

And yet, and here's the interesting part, when AA says "one drink, one drunk," I think that's very much a two-sided sword. I prefer not to yield this much power to the inert substance of alcohol, but instead like to think and that I have power over alcohol.

So, in a bar I might have one beer, or in an Italian restaurant, one glass of wine. And I will sometimes feel it. I'm a man in my late 40s, and weigh about 150 lbs. ANd yes, 12 oz. of beer, it sometimes takes the edge off nervousness or worry.

So, yes, I like the idea and I wish to speak in favor of the idea of being 'slightly buzzed.' That is, underplaying the hand. I think it's a skill and option more people should have.

Again, once you reach legal drinking age . . .



johnsmcjohn
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07 Aug 2011, 6:37 pm

silenthawk wrote:
I am almost 16 years old, and I have never had a girlfriend.


Unless you have a degenerative condition, you probably have another 70-80 years on this planet. One word of advice I would have for you is not to rush. You have plenty of time here, and if you appear desperate, it's like girl kryponite. Just relax. When it happens, it happens.



Spazzergasm
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07 Aug 2011, 7:10 pm

You still have plenty of time! :)
I understand though. I'm 18. I've never had a date even. I'm pretty bummed about it.



Quartz11
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07 Aug 2011, 7:24 pm

I didn't have an official date until I was in my mid 20s. Life goes on. You're way too young to be complaining.