Going too fast....friendship and love

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chrissyrun
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07 Nov 2011, 11:15 pm

If two aspies are friends with each other at first (with some flirting), then become girlfriend and boyfriend, then some major stress comes into one persons life and they go back to being just friends (or significant other's kind of) is there any hope for going back to being in a real relationship? (oh and the one going through the stress might also have undiagnosed biolar/depression/or anxiety disorders along with the AS).

Advice to get there?
Examples of that happening?
Anything else you would deem useful?

Twould be greatly appreciated.


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MountainLaurel
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07 Nov 2011, 11:27 pm

Quote:
is there any hope for going back to being in a real relationship?


If they do get back together as a couple, they have set a tone of drifting in & out as life always holds another round of stresses



chrissyrun
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07 Nov 2011, 11:36 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
is there any hope for going back to being in a real relationship?


If they do get back together as a couple, they have set a tone of drifting in & out as life always holds another round of stresses


But what if the person who had the major stress goes to therapy and gets better at handling stress?

Also, will the other person look a them badly forever because of what happened?


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hyperlexian
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08 Nov 2011, 12:13 am

i suppose it depends what exactly happened, and whether both parties are committed for the long haul.

i first started dating my future (and now former) husband when i was 18, and the relationship was extremely volatile in a sense. i would get quite upset with him and would argue a lot back then. we went on to break up 8 times before we got married. interestingly, we actually got along really well once we had a real commitment underpinning our relationship. my point is that, yes, it is possible to get back together to how it used to be.

but he may not be equipped to deal with the situation you have going on at the moment, especially if you are acting out in some way. at least he is willing to be there halfway.


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Henbane
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08 Nov 2011, 7:13 am

chrissyrun wrote:
If two aspies are friends with each other at first (with some flirting), then become girlfriend and boyfriend, then some major stress comes into one persons life and they go back to being just friends (or significant other's kind of) is there any hope for going back to being in a real relationship? (oh and the one going through the stress might also have undiagnosed biolar/depression/or anxiety disorders along with the AS).

Advice to get there?
Examples of that happening?
Anything else you would deem useful?

Twould be greatly appreciated.


Yes there is hope. And yes it could work long term. I don't have specific examples, mainly because I don't know many aspies in real life.

It depends on communication between the two people, maturity levels, willingness to deal with the issues that are causing the difficulties.

Possibly giving each other some space, to think, and try to work out what is wanted long term.

Maybe talking to someone seen as wise by the two people. Such as counsellors, spiritual leaders, grandparents? Someone who has your best interests at heart, with experience, who knows you well.

If there is love there, and genuine desire to work through problems, then it is possible. If something is worth having then it is worth working for.



SoftlyStepping
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08 Nov 2011, 12:00 pm

Aspies tend to be loyal. I'd give you two good chances.

Your partner is dealing with emotional unstability. It's treatable with medication and therapy. Be aware that treatment is not a cure. You will likely be the strong one emotionally, and possibly financially.

Dating is an antidepressant.



spongy
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08 Nov 2011, 12:30 pm

Only time will tell what can happen.

Try to work on whatever caused the stress and try to keep the friendship going so he can see that you are now a more stable person.

When you are sure that the situation that caused the stress is over and not coming back suggest giving it a second chance
?

(Dont have much experience on this field but its what seems reasonable)


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Surfman
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08 Nov 2011, 2:48 pm

SoftlyStepping wrote:
It's treatable with medication and therapy.


Your doctor is a love doctor, Dr Feelgood, till the side effects sink in....... :?



nick007
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08 Nov 2011, 3:17 pm

I think there is hope if the one not going through the stress is willing to stand by & be supportive of the one who is. I think the key for a long term relationship to work is both people being committed to each other through the good times & bad. As the marriage vows go something "in sickness & in health, for richer or poorer"


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Trigas
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09 Nov 2011, 6:24 pm

Henbane wrote:
chrissyrun wrote:
If two aspies are friends with each other at first (with some flirting), then become girlfriend and boyfriend, then some major stress comes into one persons life and they go back to being just friends (or significant other's kind of) is there any hope for going back to being in a real relationship? (oh and the one going through the stress might also have undiagnosed biolar/depression/or anxiety disorders along with the AS).

Advice to get there?
Examples of that happening?
Anything else you would deem useful?

Twould be greatly appreciated.


Yes there is hope. And yes it could work long term. I don't have specific examples, mainly because I don't know many aspies in real life.

It depends on communication between the two people, maturity levels, willingness to deal with the issues that are causing the difficulties.

Possibly giving each other some space, to think, and try to work out what is wanted long term.

Maybe talking to someone seen as wise by the two people. Such as counsellors, spiritual leaders, grandparents? Someone who has your best interests at heart, with experience, who knows you well.

If there is love there, and genuine desire to work through problems, then it is possible. If something is worth having then it is worth working for.


That in bold right there. That is exactly what I need right now. I just need time and space right now that is how I operate. It's my recharge, you have got to understand that. This isn't the end of the world I just need my alone time. YOU HAVE GOT TO UNDERSTAND THAT PLEASE.